A
male
age
51-59,
*r.Worry
writes:I need help before I ruin my relationship!My girlfriend has lived life to the fullest and I've done nothing.This makes me so jealous that I won't even let her tell me anymore about her past.I also get very jealous of the comments she gets on her blog even though the ones that bother me the most are guys on the other side of the country.I have no self esteem after a car accident left me without the use of my right arm and a horrible limp.It's even harder to deal with it because I was drunk,really drunk..33.My girlfriend tells me we will make our own memories and everything will be ok.She's put up with my crap,when any other woman would drop me,so I know she loves me.Even the nicest person can get fed up though.She works 12 hours a night.After she was only sleep 2 hours I called and woke her up because she told this guy that she loved his page.The guy is at least 2500 miles away and has a girlfriend but i still lost it and she couldn't even go back to sleep and had to work another 12 hours.When I calmed down I realized how childish and immature I am.One problem is,I went over 15 years without so much as a date.I can thick rationally but when i need to use it,I lose my mind.I'm in therapy for depression,anxiety,social anxiety and bipolar disorder and take meds for it.I'm very smart and know what i should do but I have no self-esteem,self-worth,confidence,etc,etc.How do I get past this?I don't want to lose her,noone would even believe how great she is and all I do is stay jealous.
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drunk, has a girlfriend, her past, immature, jealous, limp, self esteem Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Mr.Worry +, writes (28 January 2008):
Mr.Worry is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks Richard.It's very hard at this point because it's also a long distance relationship.I worry so much that it makes my ill.My therapist has given me so many suggestions but I never seem to be able to do it.However my g/f has made me rethink things because i want this to work so bad.
A
male
reader, Richard_EMids  +, writes (27 January 2008):
 Hi Mr Worry. This is easy to deal with. Tell your therapist exactly what you have said here. Better still, print it off and give to your therapist. Your therapist will welcome this I am sure.
Now between you and your therapist you can work this out. It can be overcome. You don't even need to involve your grlfrnd. You and your therapist can incorporate the agreed solution into other aspects of your therapy. The good news is that this has a very high chance of working. Wow. I'm so pleased I saw your question. I have answered a few questions tonight but it's sometimes has a levelling affect on your own feelings because you know there is a slim chance or 50/50 chance of success. But you have cheered me up - because I know you have a real opportunity to make some positive changes in your life, permanently. You will drastically reduce the insecurity and ramp up your self esteem. You can start before your next therapy session if you want. Start with a little confidence builder. Go and do something that makes you feel good and positive about yourself, (physical exercise is one of the best). Or read an enriching book - a biography, or some interesting scientific matter. Better still something that would impress your girlfrnd. History maybe, or travel. Learn it though - so that you can speak to someone else about the subject in an informed manner. Impress your therapist.
You are going to do this I can tell. You have a reason to overcome your self esteem issues, and thats all it is. You are right - you are smart - I can tell by some of the things you have written. Use your mind to make you smarter. Forget the past now. Forget your accident. And the drink. Look ahead. Start becoming a more interesting person through mental activty and some physical activity. Your already an interesting person due to your car accident, you just need to add to it.
Don't forget. Print this off. Give it to your therapist.
Good luck
Richard
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A
female
reader, nailglitter18  +, writes (27 January 2008):
 Yes, I agree with peoriaman. From a woman's point of view: YOU have her now. you have her loyalty, and her feelings. You have HER.
Jealousy is one thing, but acting on it is another. You might want to bring this up in some of your sessions.
The bottom line, really, is that she's yours until something happens to state otherwise. And you're right- this jealousy problem could become that something that defines it. Because while some jealousy is nice (it makes us feel loved and wanted), we also need our sleep!!! ;)
You know she's good. She's stuck by you, "when any other woman would drop [you]". OK, so you may be disabled. You made a bad decision. But you have to learn to live with it, and learn to live with the fact that, while you may not like the way you've turned out....I think she likes you fine. Otherwise (and I run the risk of repeating myself here) She wouldn't be YOURS. :)
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