A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Okay, so I've been with my boyfriend for 6 years and I wanna have a threesome with another women. Not a friend, just an anynomous hottie. Don't get me wrong, my boyfriend and I love eachother very much and our sex life is amazing, but I wanna give this to him as a gift I guess. The catch is, he is only watching the women and myself, and he can't penetrate her or give her oral, but she could do it to him, and he could just touch her or whatever. We talked about it before casually, and he said he would want to if i agreed, but i don't know how to make it happen! Help please!
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male
reader, uncle_baj  +, writes (12 May 2008):
 ive never known a threesome go to plan,3thinigs jump out to me str8 away,u said your sex life is great,if so,why try to fix what isnt broken,2nd,its been 6 years,if he gets to have this girl do this ti him do u think it will stop there?he will think ur ok with him being with other ppl,and theres a good chance he will develop a liking for this other bird just cos its something different and 3rd,if you truly loved someone then i cant fathomm the idea of letting someone else have there way with them whether ur there or not,i think its wrong for whatever reason,i honestly think this should just be left as a fantasy,how about going to a strip bar or something?that sounds alot less risky x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2008): mmm... sounds like a very special birthday gift. But what happens if he likes her better than you.Dangerous territory sweetheart. What happens if you get so into sex with another woman that he becomes scared that your homosexual, or that you don't find him sexual appealing for himself. What happens if he gets so turned on that he can't stick by your rules.It might sound a good idea, but in reality, introducing someone else into your bedroom is a recipe for disaster. This is a sure way to destroy your relationship with the petty jealousies, insecurities and unflattering comparisions that are bound to occur. It'll be a memorable birthday indeed but not in the way you imagine. He dosen't even seem that keen, and this is more about your sexual desires than his. But it's your life. If you want to go ahead contact someone in a swingers magazine. Dangerous too, who knows what you might bring home. Best thing is for you both to go to a homesexual bar pick up someone you fancy, (as you say, your the one that will be doing this, cause he's only watching. Practice safe sex. But I'll say again, I think this is a dumb idea.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2008): Sorry, can't find this sort of thing difficult to understand. Don't see why you need to risk your relationship with this if it is already fine. Have you though thought how you will feel when you see him enjoying her more than he does enjoy you? After all it will be new, which is more exciting than standard. If you see what I mean. Trust comes with being faithful, that is what I believe.
Anyway, if you do go ahead, think of this website some time in future. I would be really interested to know whether your relationship is still going in 2 years, because accoring to the main source of counselling to couple in the UK, 80% of couples who do this stuff are split within that time.
It is the trust issues and insecurity it brings afterwards that people don't expect, which splits them up.
Personally I find the whole culture of greed over sex a bit abhorrant, and as for paying for it, well it makes me feel like vomitting at the thought. Paying a person to do this, who has to be paid, I mean they don't actually want to a shade wierd. Then you get the narcisistic, damaged people who do get off on it but sell away their chances of happiness because they see how untrustworthy and shallow people can be in the end.
Imagine you staying with your boyfriend after this and having kids with him. You get a bit out of shape and stretch marks, sex is a bit less than before. He suggests you do it again. You think Hang on, is this because I am not attractive any more? What about the kids, will he continue being a good father...?? Fear, insecurity, panic.
You may be feeling supremely confident at the moment, but think of the you in the future. What you spend is spent and you may just be stepping over a barrier here that will cause you big issues later. For me, the mere fact of my partner agreeing to share me would make me feel wretched. I know my man does not want to share me and because of that would not want to share himself. It gives me a great feeling of belonging and being special.
One day you won't be young any more, you may not think yourself special. How will you feel about all this then and what will you have set up for yourself?
However, it is your life and I am sure you will do what is best for you. I hope you have really thought it through.
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