A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This may take long to read, it took me time to decide if ask it or once again try to fix it on my own and hope it magically change back one day.I got engaged a month ago, to my officially 11 months boyfriend (really i consider we been together for 27 months now at least).We have a long distance relationship as we live in different countries. But it wasn't a problem.We met through a music board and soon clicked some connection (we save each other from a huge depression, as he was bullied at school and my mom passed away recently). He have a job and is quiet person, not religious but did commitment to remain pure -have low sex-drive-. I'm unemployed, talkative, religious but have high sex-driveBut thing is i miss the nice moments, if i don't start it he never starts it, i'm always caring, care to relax him after work, listen to him, but i don't feel he does the same. I want to be a writer and he never ask me how my writings are going or anything, just about my day in general. (could it be that we crossen the romantic stage and it can't be step back again?)He work 8-5 weekly, been worried recently in getting an internal job promotion and i've been supportive.I always ask for his job, his day, his worries and his hobbies (music: buy dozens of albums and go to dozens of concerts).I never complaint, but feel it is not going both ways makes me feel really bad. I text him daily, we talk daily through im, and i phone him, but he has phoned me lot less times than me, i guess he finds it expensive, but off course browse internet on mobile is not expensive right?I confronted him my dislikes if he doesn't love me anymore or anything?, and he is sorry and tries to be as nice as he was a first -sent me pics, said lovely words, sent me nice music- but now i set it, and once he go happy he goes talking random, stop the mellow moment and so, or get busy with other things and take longer than 3 mintues to reply my messages, which i feel he doesn't have interest in me, i'm bothering him and so if he deos something is cause i force him to do so, then i feel guilty and really sad -i've been suffering mid periods of depression and rage anger cause i'm already busy trying to find a job, i got once and he always complaint i came around later, and wanted me to relax him when he was 4 hours off work and sit, me came from 8 hours walking non stop-what?!- i quitted the job and look for another but i refuse offers that will cause problem with our meeting time cause i know he'll complain, but when he goes to concerts i have no right to complain for feeling lonely -he went to a festival first with his friend, then with his brother, i asked him if he'll ever take me there and says not cause is huge place and i may get lost- what?!-. i feel unloved and unvalued. when i confront him, he plays the victim, is sorry but a week or two later the thing starts again.When we are together in person -met 3 times, i met him first, we stayed together the last two times- it is a lot loving and caring -but for intimacy he seems to fear my parts, and quickly goes to wash once he made me happy, which makes me feel as if i'm going to poison him or something, i like cuddles after that-. Last time i went to his place and his idea of showing me his area is go to see music shops and spoils me with dozens of cds, -knock, a cd can't hug me in the night or smile to me and make me forget the world.-I feel that for whatever reason he unloves me or something, i'm not his priority anymore and i don't know why, cause i'm caring and supportive, i always put him before me, and all i ask is some affection which i don't feel. I can't stand he simply goes on shell mode cause he miss me and if he shows his feelings he will burst in pain for missing me. I trust he is loyal to me, -we lost virginity together and he had phimosis-, but it all lowers my sex drive and i don't feel in the mood to do anything, cause for me that's the top way to express love and if i don't feel love daily i don't see the point in sex.am i being selfish? i'm an attention seeker? should i confront him once more? play his game, you quiet i be quiet until he annoys again and ask what's wrong? should we break up? give us time?I'll be really sad to break with him, he's been my special one for longer than 4 years, but i feel he has changed for some reason, i don't feel as confront will do a thing, but i can't let his attitude break my heart or turn it into stone. I can't see me be happy in a two years time when we'll get married, if he doesn't change i don't see it'll be any worthy.I really doubt it'll change if we move in to live together soon.please i need an outsider point of view on this.sorry for long text but needed to take it all out off my chest.
View related questions:
bullied, different countries, engaged, in the mood, long distance, period, sex drive, text, unloved Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2010): He could be stressing over work. But I wouldnt get upset because its not like hes doing anything thats really bad. You two are in different countries in a LDR and it can be hard to talk to each other all the time. My sister was in a LDR one time and they didnt talk to each other a lot because he had school and she had work. Maybe hes just busy. I dont think its anything to stress about, if he didnt love you anymore then he wouldnt still be in the relationship. I wish you two the best of luck.:]
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (22 August 2010):
 It isn't selfish to want for love. What you want is something he can't seem to give you so you need to leave him and move on to someone who can give you the same affection you are so able to give.
I hope that helps.
...............................
|
