A
male
age
41-50,
*ntity7
writes:It's nice to find a place like this...So, almost 2 years ago my fiance and I broke it off, after 5 1/2 years of being together, engaged for 2 of those years, and forcing it to work for 3. The break-up was bad, and it left feeling pretty bruised up emotionally.About 6 months later, along comes 'lilly' on an online dating site. She seemed like everything I was looking for and we hit it off very quickly. After a few weeks of really getting into eachother, I made the decision to get past the apprehension and self-protective tendencies I had built up (ugh) and let someone else close. Well, that turned out be a terrible gamble. 'Lilly' was a piece of work, and lured me along in a head game until I broke it off after I hit a point where I couldn't continue deluding myself into believing it wasn't what it seemed to be just to have someone in my life again.Unfortunately, a year later, I still haven't found the motivation to get back at it and put myself up to the risk entailed by letting anyone close in that regard again.On the flipside of that same coin, I'm getting desperately lonely.I find I don't have many people I can talk to about it that I would trust to give decent advice or keep it on the down-low.So, that's it in a nutshell.Any advice is greatly appreciated.
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male
reader, ReturningtheFavor  +, writes (7 February 2010):
As an individual who has had similiar circumstances I can respect where you have been and where you are at now. I have never had any luck on the net and things of that nature. I think your best bet is to get out there and have fun. Its going to happen when you are not expecting it. Do not do this alone however, i have learned it makes it much more difficult. Get into a group situation with by going and haning with friends. I have found this to be the hands down best way to find what you are looking for. Dont try to hit a home run on the first couple shots, just get out and have fun. Relax and it will happen for you!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2010): Stop isolating yourself. Of course there will be unpleasant surprises. Be selective but start dating. There are risks of course, but that is normal and part of life, not everything is milk and honey in this world. You have two failed experiences so use them to your benefit and learn from them instead of turning into a bitter person.
You also don't have to give your heart right away, get to know the other person better, gradually, as you date and learn more about one another. The 'forcing' your former relationship to work - bad mistake. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work, don't push it, don't lie to yourself. You've both waisted 3 years. But you will be fine, just start dating more. See where you can meet people your age, maybe with similar interests, who you can connect with. Surely you will find someone.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (7 February 2010):
It's as simple as deciding to give it another go.
Get out there, avoid the internet, and join new clubs / groups / anything where there are people of your age.
Meet new girls, ask one out. If it's not going well within 3 weeks then split up with her and ask someone else out.
You seem to have a bad habit of staying with people when it's CLEARLY not working.
The answer to all your problems is to get in a relationship and then when it's not working GET OUT AGAIN. It's not a marriage, it's a couple of weeks of dating. You just have to know when to say "I'm not happy, therefore it's not working, therefore I think we should end it."
Why try and force it?
Good Luck!! xx
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