A
male
age
51-59,
*fsgc08
writes:I am 37 yrs. old and married with two children. I had my first gay encounter when i was 13, and thru age 23 had about 12 more. after being married about 5 yrs., i had a want to have sex again with a man ( encounters consist of oral and masturbation ). i had around 5 more encounters over next 5 years and until last month had no encounters. In this last month though, i have really "gone off the deep end" -so to speak, having 6 encounters, i have also begun "camming" with other men. my question is, am i gay or bisexual. i must admit i enjoy sex with men, but also love my wife. should i come out? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (25 October 2008):
 Personally I think morally you have an obligation to at least make sure that what you are doing is SAFE sex as it is not fair to jump out of bed with a man and then back into bed with your wife. I would say the same if you were sleeping with another woman btw.
Sexually transmitted diseases are not biased and your wife should at least be informed incase she has contracted anything or in fact you have.
Maybe initially you should go and get tested and if you want to live a promiscuous lifestyle then you need to think about all of the possible consequences.
You are a husband and a father and you need to make sure you play safely. Whatever you do could have repercussions for your family and if your wife has no idea then something could come back and bite you on the backside. How would you feel if someone else tells her what you are up to?
Why not go to your GP and talk about getting some professional counselling in how to deal with coming out to your wife, I personally think you could be bi-sexual but your preference right now is for men instead of women, there is normally one gender which has more appeal than the other and you may or may not find other women other than your wife attractive but not as much as men at this moment in your life.
Try to get yourself calm and collected before you decide to tell your wife, there are no guarantees on how she might react but you cannot live your whole life living a lie as it just isn't right for anyone.
You have to face the fact that your wife may not want to be with you and she may want to have the children with her which often happens in break ups.
However, you want true happiness in your life too but be prepared for the fall out and also how your family and your wife's family may react once they know as it will come out and different people react differently.
Good luck.
BFN
Country Woman
A
female
reader, Oblivia  +, writes (25 October 2008):
 Hi,
I don’t really understand if you’re saying that you are seeing other men whilst married to your wife. If I understand right that you are, then my advice would be for you to at least come out to your wife.
It must be very tormenting for you to lead this life which means that you are cheating on your wife with other men. Maybe she will not have any understandings with you if you talk with her about it, but maybe it would still be worth a chance, if not for anything else but for your own peace of mind?
If you ask me I would say that to be honest to oneself could never be harmful, even though terribly hard at times, and by starting coming out with this to your wife could maybe help you finding out what life to live to make you the most happy and at peace with yourself.
Wish you all the happiness!
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A
female
reader, amybaby +, writes (25 October 2008):
 this is difficult, because you will love your wife but do you look at other women and find them attractive? you might find your wife attractive because she's your wife! if you find you like other women too then obviously your bisexual. and the should you come out question is very difficult. especially on your wife, have you got a future together? do you want to risk telling her? obviously i don't know what kind of person she is so it's up to you to figure out how she would take it. sorry i can't really help you, all the best x
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