A
female
age
30-35,
*ca9130
writes:I had a boyfriend for year and a half, I really believed it was true love and that we would marry someday. He broke up with me the day I lied to him when he asked me if I had cheated on him when he went away to Israel for six months (by that time, I didn't feel it was true love, I was very inmature and didn't have a feeling of commitment). I told him no and then he found out through other sources the truth. Karma came fast and I found out that a month later he was already dating his best friend, the one I was always jealous about and he knew that it would hurt me badly, and it did, like a knife through the heart. I asked him and pledged for him to come back for two months, but he said no. That was ten months ago and I've grown and matured from the experience, I learned a valuable lesson and promised myself to never lie and cheat again. Moving on, I've dated 16 guys in the course of 8 months, a failure after the other. Every guy is a scumbag and I realize that the dating world really sucks. I've met my ex from time to time and now I can be his friend, since I got over him, but somehow, he left something inside of me that feels like guilt, but it's not. It's really interfering with my dates and now, everytime I date, the smallest flaw comes to my attention and dims everything else that's good from a guy, like right now. I'm dating this awesome man, he's really my type and I have a great time with him. He declared his love to me two weeks ago and we've been dating ever since to see how things work out. For some reason, everything he does to flirt with me (that I really loved from my ex actually) like send me poems and songs, annoy the hell out of me, when I really like when men do that! What's happening to me? I moved on from my ex, but I think he left something that's interfering with other guys and I don't want to mess this new opportunity to have a relationship! Why do the things that this new guy does, come in conflict with myself? When there's nothing wrong about it!
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female
reader, cca9130 +, writes (27 April 2011):
cca9130 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI liked your answers! I will work on myself first, I told this new guy to be patient with me, because I'm still working on this issues which are not related with my ex, but with me and who I am. I apologized with him truely once, but I think I still don't trust myself to be with another guy afraid I will make the same mistake again. I hope I can figure how to trust myself again and stop ruining my new relationship. I'm glad I found a guy that can be patient and is willing to be by my side through this insight I'm dealing with. Thanks a lot! You're all very smart and bright.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2011): I agree with dirtball. It may also help in your healing process if you apologize to your ex (if you haven't done so already) fully, and acknowledge to him the wrong that you did, without talking about other issues such as how hurt you are that he's dating someone else, or how much you want him to come back. Even though it's all in the past, you need to make sure you're not still carrying residual burden in your heart (whether it's guilt, or reluctance to let go, or anything else). It takes a lot of courage to be fully honest with yourself, and with another person. But once you really go through this process, you will have more confidence and probably attract better guys as well. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2011): dirtball is right - you do need to work on yourself first - you need to come to terms with the truth that you cheated, and you have to learn to forgive, and then trust yourself again. otherwise, you will sabotage every relationship you try.
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A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (26 April 2011):
 It's because you haven't actually moved on from your ex. You think you have, but that's not the case. You're also unsure what you want in a man. You need to work on yourself before you can be happy in a relationship.
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