A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, really hope you can help me.I knew this guy when i was in college (just as an acquaintance). He moved to another country for work. we got in touch online and hve chatted a lot of times. I really started to like him, but i thot i'd tell him when he came down, rather than online.Unfortunately though, before that could happen he met someone else online and fell in love with her. i was so disappointed but it was ok cos i wasn't in love with him. When he had told me about her, i stopped chatting too often. but he started having lot of probs and i continued chatting just to be there for him and help him out. during this time i started to have stronger feelings for him. He finally broke up with her, which honestly made me happy cos i thought i now had a chance. But again i never said anything cos felt it was too soon and he needed time. But to my bad luck, there was this other girl who then told him she liked him. and now they are together...and he seems really happy (not like how it was with the last one)Ok, so right now i dont know what to do. He kinda knows how i feel. but of course he's in love with the other girl. And when i talk to him, i feel both happy for him that he found someone who is so good for him, at the same time it hurts so much. I know stopping all contact with him will help me get over him... but at the same time if i do that, he will feel really bad and i too dont want to kill atleast the friendship that we have. God its so hard to talk to him tho. I always felt i could put aside my feelings for the sake of friendship. but its so hard.I need to know, do you think this is just a temporary phase. I mean if i still keep contact with him, will the pain eventually go away.I understand completely that i have no chance with him, i accept that. I just need to know what do i do now. Do i stay put, be there for him, be a good friend and in the long run, it will stop hurting?Or is it better to cut off, cos i know with time he'll forget me and maybe i'll forget him too and it will stop hurting?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (18 February 2008):
 Send him a simple email and let him know that you're really happy he seems to have found what he's looking for. Let him know you can't get online as much because you have other things that are keeping you busy, you hope it all works out and he knows where you are if he wants to get back in touch. THIS leaves the way open for him if he has any regrets. It also leaves you to get on with your life.
Don't pine for him though, let him get on with it and you get on with your life. There's an old saying which I think is very apt in your case. "If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were." You have your whole life ahead of you! Don't wait around for someone who you might never have.
~Eve~
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (18 February 2008):
 If your position is hopeless, cut your losses and run. Cut all contacts with him to forget him quickly and heal your pains.If you remain in contact with him your wounds will never heal . Just like an open sore. When it is going to heal, you go and scratch it and bleed again.If he wants you he will come for you .....Move on .
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