A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for 8 yrs.24 months ago we were having a rocky relationship and were having counselling. I was emotionally down and depressed during this time and wrongly turned to a friend of mine for comfort. We ended up having an affair and I fell in love with him. I have never experienced Love before as this was so different. I know what I did was wronng and I finished the relationship and have been throwing myself at our relationship for the last 12 months. Things are Ok although love making is not very common. I have everything I want from my husband in the sense of a lovely home, nice holidays e.t.c and a lovely man but I cry every morning as I miss the man I has an affair with. Sometimes I feel I should just bite the bullet and go as if I don't try I will never know but he has a nasty streak in that he told me a lot of lies. Should I be honest with everyone and go to him regardless of the fact he told me lies or should I stick with this grieving and keep throwing my all into my relationship.
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affair, depressed, fell in love Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Say It Straight +, writes (14 June 2007):
Here, I'll Say it Straight,
THE GRASS ALWAYS LOOKS GREENER THE OTHER SIDE OF THE FENCE,ever heard that one, like Uncle J I too get a reaction when I hear women saying that they have to look outside their marriage for love, Tread very carefully, you've already crossed the line and lied to your husband, you got away with it once and are thinking that just maybe you could again, however this time you are looking here for someone to give you their blessing saying that it's ok, ITS NOT, if you are intent on bieng selfish and only thinking of yourself then do it but tell your husband, be honest with him and stop using and abusing him.
You chose to be married to your husband and the only right thing to do if you are not happy with your marriage is to talk to the only other person involved, that's your husband, ADULTERY is always the wrong thing, you can't just try it, the fence is always harder to climb back over.
I have been there and lived through a ten year dissapointing marriage we broke up when i caught my wife out cheating on me with our postman, my only regret is that we could have avoided all the bitterness and pain if we had just comunicated and told eachother how we felt, looking back I was probably just as ready to end it as she was.
So my advice, if you want out, get out, but be honest and don't half do it, that only hurts people far more.
Told you I'd Say it straight
A
male
reader, Uncle_J  +, writes (14 June 2007):
My first thought is to reply in a way that would toy with you to make you think clearly.
The only reason I feel that way is #1. Your question is written in a pre-answered format. You're looking for someone to comfirm that the smart way is the...well, smart way.
You already know the answer to this question you've posted because you degraded option B and built up option A.
A. Good guy
B. Bad guy
So since you already know what you're going to do, what are you looking for exactly? Perhaps a pat on the back?
My second reason for wanting to toy with you is because I personally get a phsyical reaction when I hear of woman cheating for "comfort".
But I'll tell you what you want to hear: It's okay honey, you're doing the best you can with your life and no one can take that away from you. Mistakes happen all the time, no one was truly hurt and life does go on. It's all going to be just fine and the right choice will just come to you when you're ready for it.
In the meanwhile just do who, I mean, what feels best For You!
P.S. Try not to live the rest of your life as selflishly as you are right now. I've heard too many stories like yours that end in you begging your ex for forgivness after the new guy proves not to be all you thought he was. Exercising a little selfLESSness will prove to be the most profitable course of action in life.
All sarcasism aside, I wish you good luck and sympathize for the pain you've brought on you and your husbands lives.
...............................
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