A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I cheated on both my girl and my friend with his wife. so guilty i cooled things with my girl and she moved out, cant stop thinking bout my mates wife but miss my girl. so confused tried to keep both happy now have lost touch with friends wife but not sure i should stay with my girl with these feelings what should i do settle for what i have or let truth out be alone and move on?
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friend's wife, move on, moved out Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2007): You aren't the friend you thought you were. You have ruined a relationship, marriage and a friendship. Now you have to own up to it. You have let everyone cool off for awhile. Think about what you've done.
A
female
reader, missmel34  +, writes (13 December 2007):
 Hmmm...tricky.
I think before you do anything you should really marinate in this. Sit with those feelings of guilt and betrayal. Because what you are beginning to feel is that sharp sting of consequence I'm afraid. We all have these moments in our life, whether its something as complicated as your situation or sending your credit card through the roof at xmas. The fact is the feeling of consequences is what stops us from making the same mistake twice.
Your gf has moved out and I presume the relationship is fading away, let it go. Theres no use stiring things up with her now. It will only cause more hurt and grief. As someone just wrote, its obvious that the relationship was not working otherwise you wouldn't have cheated in the first place.
Now your mate, this is tricky because if he is a best mate then what you have done is really bad. Its one thing to betray your gf, another to betray a dear friend. After giving this one a bit of thought I don't believe its your place to tell your friend, its up to the wife to settle this one. I think you've interfered enough.
Don't try to continue your friendship with this guy, going to his house and pretending that its all good. What you did is unforgivable, you know that. Back away, move out of the triangle that you've helped create.
The fact is, the truth may very well come out oneday, and if it does, it will be so much worse if you had tried to act as if nothing had happened and continued to be his friend.
For everyones sake, just fade away into the background. You made a huge mistake, you can't fix it. If you did try to come clean your gf will probably never forgive you and I can tell you straight your friend will probably rip you apart limb from limb.
GOD, grant me the
Serenity
to accept the things
I cannot change
Courage
to change the
things I can
and the
Wisdom
to know the difference.
You can't change the mistake you have made, but you can walk away with humility in your heart never to make the same mistake again.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (13 December 2007):
 It all depends how you feel really, if you feel you can live the rest of your life knowing that you decieved your friend with his wife, and decieved your girlfriend then so be it. Not that i would have done this, but if i had my conscience would be eating away at me, i would not be able to live with myself knowing what i had done. If you stay with your girl and decide to get married one day, could you walk down the aisle with these skeletons lurking in your closet. I think that you should reveal all and let the chips fall where thay may.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2007): Oh dear, you have made a right old mess of things... Well the relationship with your girlfriend was missing something, if it was perfect then you wouldn't have been looking for sex elsewhere.... So regardless of whether you miss her (which could be guilt on your part)she will never be able to trust you again..so for her own emotional well being I wouldn't continue to pursue a relationship with her, unless you are totally selfish... Now, what on earth possesed you to sleep with your friends wife? That's very bad, I shouldn't think your friend would want to be your friend if he found out, unless it was a consensual 3sum or similar. I think the best thing for you to do is make a clean break from each scenario, have some time to yourself and decide what you really want..At the moment you are just playing with fire,hurting peoples feelings and on the road to becoming very unpopular.
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