A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I was having sex with a guy on and off over 4 years (when it all started I was 18 and he was 37) I put a stop to it simply because it was harder to get away and travel the 1 and a half hours to be with him, (we both had partners and still do) Thing is I think about him 24/7 (this is no lie) I think about the next time we met up and what I am going to do to him. Thing is, short of going to his house (which I would never do) I don't know how to contact him. He contacted me a few months ago via Bebo and we spoke for that 1 night only but his account has been cancelled (I know this is probably so his GF doesn't know about it)I miss him sooo much, what do I do, I have a very strong urge to be with him.Dont know what I expect to get back from the agony-aunts, I suppose I just needed somewhere to write it down reall and any advice that was given would be fab and appreciated. I dont have anyone to turn to to talk about it.Thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMuffy - I may have been 18 but I wanted it to happen!!!! I know my own mind, so its is NOT rape!!! considering I am 22 now...also its not as if it was a guy I met in a pub and went home with him!! He maybe to old for some girls my age but you know what I like older guys, I cant be bothered with guys my age...my choice!
I get what you are all saying...I dont want to be in my relationship anymore and I know that if I split up with my Fiance, im not going to get together with this guy.
Thanks for the advice tho....mibby I just want the sex, to be honest as hes better than by fiance...more caring etc
A
male
reader, Richard_EMids +, writes (23 November 2007):
 O.K. - think beyond the initial meeting. Then what ? ? ? ?
What happens next ? ? ? ?
Your mind is over-focussed on seeing him again without thinking where it goes after that. If you were really really serious, and he were as well then you would be together now. You would be dumping your partners.
It's just a fantasy. Denial of reality. Dream. Rose tinted glasses. Whatever you want to call it. To get over it you will need to do something to positve to stop it. At the moment I feel you might be enjoying the fantasy but without acting on it.
Good luck. Richard
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A
female
reader, Artemesian  +, writes (23 November 2007):
 I can understand how you feel!
From my own experience it sounds like you miss him for the sex you enjoyed and the company of an older guy? But not passionate love, especially if you are still with your partner - you must love him to have stayed with him through this.
I'm not going to preach about cheating and so on, anyone with a heart knows what it is and how bad it is not just in the act but what it does to anyone involved... but that doesn't mean people don't do it!
It really sounds like you need to evaluate why you miss him and why you ended up cheating on your partner in the first place. Something might be missing in your relationship?
I don't really see how anyone can give you much advice on this as it's such a personal thing. Like I said, to me it sounds like you need to take a step back and do some thinking. Maybe the man you are with isn't right for you, or maybe you aren't right for him. The older man clearly has his own life and as much as he might have enjoyed an affair with you wants to stay in his life - so honestly he shouldn't be an option to you. You and your partner deserve better than that! I hope you work it out, good luck! : )
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A
female
reader, muffy  +, writes (23 November 2007):
 well honey you should have never had sex with this guy in the first place.you were 18 and he was 37!! thats kinda like getting raped.honey i know you may not wanna here this but yoou have to forget about him.find someone your age and screw them.hes too old anyways.plus older guys break your heart more and it suxs more.
i hope i helped
love and kisses
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