A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I had everything and now I have nothing. I feel like me and my ex were doomed from the start. (I must apologise as this will be long and muddled due to how confused I am). Me and my ex got together 4 years ago when he was with someone else, I didn't know for about 6 months about her and how serious it was and I know it was a terrible thing to do but I loved him so I stayed with him. We got together properly over a year ago and everything was great I was with the man of my dreams! But we argued so much I guarantee horrific arguments at least twice a week and sometimes more! It would be over the silliest things and he never seemed to trust me for no reason. I was very faithful to him but he seemed to think I was always cheating and eventually it drove me insane. I wasn't happy and felt I could not go out with my friends anymore. Back in September I decided we needed a break as we just weren't in a good place, by the end of October I went back to him. But by January I was unhappy again, something just wasn't right but it was weird cos I still loved him. At times I thought I didn't, it is so confusing for me as I felt like I loved him but I didn't so we broke up. Within 2 weeks he was seeing someone else and it broke me in to pieces! I know i intitated it but I was hurting so much not having him in my life and he had just moved on! We reconciled around feb and I would say til June we were on/off I just couldn't let go. I knew I was messing him about and his feelings, he would do anything for me! But I just couldn't get my head round what I wanted and still can't.Obviously it couldn't carry on he had enough of me eventually as whilst we were still in touch and spending time together, I was going out meeting new people though nothing serious. One night he saw my phone and saw I had been texting other men. He was crushed, and won't speak to me anymore. He is right to do so. I thought maybe it was for the best that we could move on finally. I think he has and is happy that I am not in his life anymore.For me? I am miserable I have tried to email him and he doesn't want me referring to me as a 'skank' or dirty! I love him so much and miss him, he was my best friend and my life and got on with him as easily as we fought! Most of my friends and family are happy we split he wasn't particularly liked by people and I'm pretty sure his side are happy I am gone as well. I just miss him so much it actually hurts!! He won't speak to me at all. I got my bag stolen last night on a night out and I just wanted him so much! I am a horrible person who deserves her punishment for the way I treated him and let led him on when at times I had no intention of getting back with him, but those days where there was no pressure we were just me and him together I felt so happy! No one seemed to be judging me it was just easy to spend time with him without the pressure of a relationship. I am horrible I know just I don't know how to continue without him, he was the love of my life! Someone help me how do I move on? I can't talk to anyone they just tell me to forget him. I know he has forgot me just not sure I can forget him.Help. Please.
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a break, best friend, broke up, crush, move on, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx +, writes (27 July 2011):
 Anytime good luck ;) x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for your advice, I have been told as a person I punish myself far too much so to hear it from people who don't know me makes me think there is an element of truth to it. We were together a very long time and you're right time will make everything better as we have only not been speaking for a month. Hopefully I will have more good days than bad days as time goes on.
Thank you so much for answering and hopefully I will get through this :)
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A
female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx +, writes (23 July 2011):
I have been through something simarlar and i will agree that the pain you feel in your heart when someone you love is gone from your life is astounding.
There is no magic answer to moving on it really is just something that your brain must ajust to and you must realize within yourself.
But from what it sounds like is you are punishing yourself which trust me will make this situation ten times worse.
I am not just saying this to make you feel better, but it does sound like you are putting yourself through un-founded grief. you didnt do anything wrong when you were with him on and off, it is natrual to fight for someone you love so much even if you know that things wont get better its human nature and i know you feel like you may of destroyed him but as hard as it may be you must forgive yourself or this feeling is just not going to go away.
When you lose a loved on from your life the brain goes through a grieving process even if that person is still alive. It is simply because the person is no longer in your life and you miss him.
Time will evenutally heal your wounds but you must be in right mindset to that. if you keep thinking "i shouldnt of done that or i should of done this" then you will keep reminding of yourself of everything that has happened.
Try and right down a list of steps that you must do to get your life back on track, take these steps one at a time and before long you might just start feeling a little abit better at a time.
Maybe you should also seek councilerling as sometimes a good chat even with a stranger can do aload of good.
Im not to going to lie but i suspect this will be a bumpy ride but try your very best and even if sometimes you just dont want to try do not give up as it is the worse thing to do. Best of luck im sure you can do it xx
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A
female
reader, neomum +, writes (23 July 2011):
I'm sorry but why are you blaming yourself he lied all the way through. 1st by saying I'm free and single and second calling you a cheat. To him you have always been second best you deserve someone better and who loves you for you and he is out there give yourself 8 months men free then get out and find a nice guy.
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