A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Having a massive problem.. Im 18, but have always gone for older men. Been sleeping with a 29 year for a couple of weeks after chasing after him for 2 months, he'd take me out with his friends and we'd have a laugh together. I'm not naive enough to believe that we were in a relationship but it was exclusive and i was under the impression we were good mates. A couple of nights before i left to work in India for 5 weeks, he took me out, with his friends. Anyway, the night ended badly, with me storming out the car and no goodbyes. It later came to light that he was furious about the fact i'd made him look "like a dick" in front of his mates... (immature i know) I honestly hadn't done anything wrong, i cracked one joked and had a conversation with a guy (unattractive and fat). It annoyed him so much that he didn't return my phone calls and refuses to talk to me. He knew i didn't want to leave the situation as it is. I left for India last Thursday and haven't spoken to him since Tuesday. I gave up trying to contact him last friday but am really starting to miss him. It's not easy out here, i'm alone and very few people speak English (in the village i'm working in). Part of me really wants to text him but i can't in fear that he'll have me down as obsessive. I really want to talk to him, what should i do and how long do i have to wait? XX
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2008): If i was you i would look on this as having a lucky escape. Make the most of your time away and build and perfect yourself. He is the dick for not getting in touch with you and putting things right before you went away. Stop worrying and just keep walking. If he is such a man, then how come he reacted like that, and what would happen in the future? A life time of his childishness, no, i wouldnt get in touch. Surely you can get hold of some reading matter, keep busy, why not mail me if you want to be in contact with someone. Tell me all about what you have been up to if you want, a sort of a diary. It is up to you, but dont cheapen yourself for anyone and that means running after them.
take care and enjoy your life, it is too short.
xx
A
male
reader, Namatjira +, writes (21 February 2008):
Hi,
Do you have any pen friends? Are there other friends (male or female) that you would feel happy discussing your feelings and generally unloading on with no emotional baggage?
I ask this because that is what I think you need. This guy may be older than you but clearly he is still immature if he still places stock in what his friends think above what his girl thinks. Of course we would all like to be ina situation where we did not have to choose but sometimes we must.
In your case I think you should allow this 5 week gap while you are away serve notice on him that you are not to be taken for granted. Meet your emotional needs with discussions on any topic you like by phone, email, text or whatever but with someone else whom you are not in a personal relationship with. It will help distract you, could also help you to cope with the isolation of being in a foreign country away from all that is familiar (I know as I have been that person ;-)) and then when you return in a few weeks time, you will have some perspective and he will know that you are not a doormat. Contact him then for a reasonable discussion in a cafe over coffee and when you are not jet lagged and neither of you are with friends or had any alcohol. At that time you are more likely to get to the bottom of the matter and be able to make informed decisions about your future.
If I can help further, feel free to send me a message.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Honor +, writes (21 February 2008):
This one is tricky - as you of course want to get things out in the open but at the same time do not want to come across obsessive or be blanked!Ok so you can try to call him and speak to him - see what happens. As you are calling from abroad your number wont come up anyway so he will not have to option to "reject" the call as he wont know its you if that is what you would be worried about. It has been over a week since you last spoke so I do not think it will come across as obsessive.But I think you will have to prepare mentally for the worst case scenario because you will have to take into consideration that just as it may go well and he says he misses you, it may go the opposite way also. But you have to look at it that either way you know where you stand and perhaps it is something that needs to be done in order for you to move on (whether with him or without) And at least it may give you closure and enough time to say you part.And the age thing - well I think he sounds just as much immature by acting this way.Alternatively you can try emailing him, of course the problem with an email is that you may not get a response and it may make you feel even more rejected. If you write the letter it may be your way of expressing your emotions fully and getting some sort of closure, even if he doesnt reply. I have been in similar situations before where someone may have hurt me and I spent a great time writing an email only to find after I wrote it I didnt need to send it to them as it made me feel better and give me the closure I needed.Anyway so I think you should contact him as the way things stand you are in limbo. If you speak to him and he says he misses you and is sorry etc, then great. If not then at least you know where you stand to help you to move on. If he isnt willing to forgive this little action of yours that may have upset him in whatever way, then I say that he is certainly not worth being in a relationship with. Relationships always have ups and downs and if he is about to act like that for the slightest thing that goes wrong, then you certainly deserve better.Good luck! x
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