A
male
age
30-35,
*3puremage1
writes:Should I tell a girl that all my problem is because of my love to her.I fancied a girl who everyone believe she used to fancied me but I did not take it at that time due to I was not ready to go on to a new relationship since my last one ended up in a disaster. I have asked her out twice but failed so I had decided to hide it from her. Recently, she loved another boy in the year above and she did not tell me obviously but my observation skills and analytic mind tells me the right person. So, I lied to her that someone sent me a note about some bullshits about you and it also includes you used to fancy a boy called xxx. Afterward, she admits that love that boy and she asked him out. But that boy took TWO weeks to decide, I could tell he is just wasting her time and using her for some other purposes. During these two weeks, I support her mentally because I really want her to be happy but I also feel extremely painful at the same time. I seriously can't accept it since I have lost against him and I believe he wont take it seriously even though he looks like people who takes relationship seriously and have a good reputation. The reason I believe that is he took two weeks to decide and the girl knows that he may love someone else more than her but somehow this boy called xxx had chosen her for some reason which I don't know.I really do not know what to do. She knows I always have problems but she never knows all my problems is directly related to her. Shall I tell her or continue just pretend that I am happy.By the way, she continues speak to me and always ask me How are you. Is she just doing it because I am an important friend to her or she knows that I am sad. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, 83puremage1 +, writes (14 December 2010):
83puremage1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your help and before I told her my best friend had told her everything and then came back to me about that. It was a shame that I could not tell her. According to my best friend she is extremely sorry what she has done but I am sure I will be an important friend of her in the future. I am ready to move on but somehow I don't know how to face to her.
Anyway I feel much better now. thanks
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2010): "I rather to take all the pain on my own." alright man but don't say I didn't warn you. The pain only gets worse until you can't take it anymore, eventually you'll end up despising her for that pain. There's only so much you can take and as you know it only grows as it has since you first started feeling this way.
Take it from me, telling her is the only way, if you really want to be a true friend then why the hell are you keeping this huge thing from her, you're basically living one big lie dude. What kind of friend are you to live this big lie?
While you may think you're her friend the fact is friends will never be enough for you, you can't just turn these feelings off, I'm sure you've tried. Don't you think she deserves better than having a guy painfully in love with her pretend to be her friend in the hope that something might happen in the future? You're betraying her as we speak by not being open and honest with her.
If you truly want to put her first then you'll tell her, so she knows what she's dealing with, so she know what she means to you otherwise when you say "you're a great friend to me too" you'll be lying because you don't want her as friend.
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A
male
reader, 83puremage1 +, writes (13 December 2010):
83puremage1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHere is an update of my version.
The girl in this situation is taking relationship extremely serious, which is same as me. I know a lot of things about her apart from her lover, which I discovered secretly, so this means that she is not putting me at the first. But I am sure I put her at the top of my list all the time. And I think I need to discover the reason why she loved her so much otherwise there is no chance for me.
Moreover, I am seriously afraid of telling her because I just want her to be happy and if I told her she will be seriously disappointed and upset. I rather to take all the pain on my own. I understand someone's happiness is build on other people's pain.
Lastly, I am afraid I will lose her too.I really want to keep her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010): You have to tell her and get it out in the open before you explode which will happen trust me. I think you already feel like you're getting to the point where you just can't take it anymore right? Well if you don't tell her soon in a reasonable and calm way.
Then pretty soon you'll just explode at her and tell her, trust me I've done it, seen it, could write a book about it. It happened to a friend of mine recently actually.
You have to tell her and soon, nothing bad will happen by telling her, if she says she doesn't feel the same then you might not think it now but that's actually a good thing because you get closure and you can move on.
Look the longer you leave this the less likely anything is ever going to happen, you asked her twice and she said no, maybe this final time she will say yes when she finds out how much you like her, but you have to take that chance, if you don't you're just going to live in pain until you explode.
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