A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This is a bit long, so thank you in advance for reading. My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year, living together for 6 months. We are both in our early 30s and have known one another for 15 years. I am his first "serious" relationship, and I am divorced after a disastrous marriage. Our relationship is perfect, truly, in every single way. We are partners in life, have great communication, a mind-blowing sex life, and rarely even argue, let alone fight. I truly feel I have found my soul mate. So what's my problem you ask? When we first got together, like I said, I was divorced after a horrible marriage in which I was emotionally and physically abused on a daily basis. I stayed for five years because of our two children but finally got the courage to leave. After that, I said I would never get married again-- and made it clear to EVERYONE, including my current boyfriend. People have been asking us when we are getting married, and whilst my boyfriend has remained silent and looked at me to answer, I have always jumped right in with my spiel about never getting married again, and "why ruin a good thing?" Herein lies my problem. After all my protestation, I've decided that I DO want to marry my boyfriend. In fact, I can't imagine ever NOT being with him for the rest of my life. Granted, he hasn't asked me yet-- but I've caught him looking at rings in jewelry stores and he's been talking about our friends that are married, people's weddings, etc. An awful lot lately. Due to my protesting,though, I am afraid that now he won't EVER ask me, because he thinks that I don't want to. I'm in no absolute rush, but I would like him to know that I am at least receptive to his asking at some point! How do I let him know that I've changed my mind???
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divorce, sex life, soulmate, wedding Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010): First of all, you don't have to get married in order to spend the rest of your life with him. It sounds like you two have a great thing going on right now and you are not married. Why do you think your relationship can't remain like that without a piece of paper? Second of all, you say he is your soul mate, so talking to him about your relationship shouldn't be too difficult. And finally, since you think he is willing to marry you, than you really don't have a big problem on your hands. Just tell him how you feel. Tell him exactly what you told us. If you are right about him wanting to get married, you can only get a positive reaction from him. He will be very happy to hear that you have changed your mind. Good luck!
A
female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (12 December 2010):
Just tell him you've had a change of heart. Maybe pick a time when you're all cuddled up and maybe feeling a little romantic. Tell him that your relationship is wonderful, you love him. And that you know that you used to say that you never wanted to get married again, but that you've been changing your mind, and are open to it someday with him. Tell him not to worry, there's no rush, no pressure, you just wanted him to know.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010): Wow, this is a tricky situation, it's all about being subtle. Talking about it directly with him, might be hard. Maybe invites some married friends round and drop the hint in there, "i think i'd get married again someday" or "i know my first marriage was a disaster, but i hope to marry again". Try something along the lines of that.
Good luck :]
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (12 December 2010):
 You are basically like a married couple, but without the till death do we part promise. On an emotional level, the best promise is to treat each other with tenderness and respect everyday. On a physical level, it's going to a legal witness and have the papers signed, or put a ring on your finger for everyone to see.
A marriage does not cause fights, physical and emotional abuse. He's not your ex. Maybe you have to be clearer to him what aspect of marriage do you like or dislike, but give him equal praise and tell him how happy you are with him. Without obviously using the M word, you can tell him how much you like spending your time with him, and that you appreciate his presence in your life and in your children's lives. You can also go window shopping with him and look at rings together. Tell him you envy other women who are happily married and he will get the sign.
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