A
female
age
26-29,
*LW98
writes:A few years ago I was speaking to this boy I met on Twitter and we got on really well, flirted and things. we didn’t live near eachother at the time and I got a boyfriend and obviously things didn’t continue. Recently though, me and my boyfriend split up, I went on tinder and found the boy from twitter obviously matched and started talking. We met up the next day and went for food and one thing lead to another and we had sex. Anyway, we were chatting and things. Then the other week we met up again and we slept together again. Now I know I had feelings for him all that time ago and he said he used to ‘fancy’ me too. I know I probably shouldn’t have slept with him again but you don’t think at the time. Basically now he’s being short with replies on Snapchat and sometimes not bothering to reply. I don’t want to hit him up with a big message saying how I feel because we aren’t together and we don’t owe eachother anything. But I don’t know what’s best to do, leave it and see if he comes to me, keep trying and maybe get ignored or just message and say look I like you whatever? Please help!!
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crush, flirt, split up Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 May 2020):
 That you feel disappointed I get it, we all are when things do not go according to our wishes- that you sound surprised, well, that surprises me . I mean , come on, you hooked up on Tinder, you had sex as soon as you met in person , nothing was ever said on either side about being together or dating… or at least continuity/ having sex regularly. Don't tell me you did not see this coming ??.. Ok, I suppose that there are things which starts from casual hook ups and then develop into happy, committed , long lasting relationship, but they are certainly not the majority and the possibility of being seen , and used as, strictly temporary sexual entertainment is very very high ,in this type of circumstances. Being pumped-and-dumped is a very likely outcome. If you don't mind, and you take it as " ah well it was good clean fun until it lasted , no regrets " then everything is Ok, and you can repeat the experiment. If you have to
cry, and wring your hands , and wonder why, and write to dating sites :)… then you are not cut for adventures and you need to be more prudent and more discriminating in your choice of partners.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2020): That sucks.
Yeah you just didn’t know him well enough. You have no idea what is going on for him really. Maybe he still loves someone else maybe he’s not available...
Obvi he liked you but attraction is just that. Commitment is another ballgame. He may come round again but if he does don’t get physical right away. I would try to move on neanwhike.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2020): Don't you dare cry! Just swipe left, and move on!
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A
female
reader, SLW98 +, writes (10 May 2020):
SLW98 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDon’t worry guys he blocked me on Snapchat and I asked him why he did and he ignored me! ?? if I don’t laugh I’ll cry....right
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2020): I wouldn't be hooking up with Kate Upton if she knocked on my door and begged right now. But when the virus situation is better -- that's another story. Use this time to read a book, scrub your house. Plenty of time for safe sex later.
Forget about that guy -- too many fish in the sea. He was catch and release.
Two excellent books: When Crawdads Sing, The Glass Hotel. One and two on NYT
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (21 April 2020):
Eh… when one thing leads to another so rapidly and impulsively, it is quite common it also leads to either one being unceremoniously " consumed " and promptly discarded.
That you matched on Tinder ! ( of all the possible sites ) does not guarantee that this guy wants a relationship, or, that he wants it °with you ° , or that he particularly likes you beyond appreciating that you are female and compliant.
I am not scolding you , I do not think that people should only have sex if there is true eternal love between them. At some ages and stages of life, sex can also be a game that you play , with grace and levity. But, as rightly WiseOwlE says, you have to know how the game is played- or, you may get hurt. If you are looking for a long term relationship,
or just if your expectations are that things between you be more memorable and significant
than simply a couple of rolls in the hay - then you cannot afford to " not think " and to let one thing lead to another. If you are going to feel used ,diminished or humiliated by an always very possible sexual " hit and run "- then be smart and don't join this kind of game.
Now, let this guy be. He does not sound interested in you ( if he were, you'd see it and know it, and you would not be posting on DC !), but in any case it is not by chasing after him that you'll make him more interested or appreciative. In fact, often in life the more you push, the more the other persons pulls-away.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2020): We make these mistakes when we're a little lonely; and out of the blue, somebody shows up. It's not fate, nor destiny, sweetheart. It's just coincidental; and credible evidence to that fact that dating apps are full-of-it!
Matching on Tinder doesn't really mean anything. The dating sites like to make people think there's some scientific-method to their matching process. There isn't! There's some simple algorithms that takes note of some simple things you have in-common; and the the fact you noticed it kept matching you two should have been the dead-giveaway it's a hokey hot-pile of you-know-what!!!
Remember, everybody is asked the same batch of questions. The more you answer they try to make you believe the better you'll match you'll get. If you're in a certain percentile, within a close radius, and people answer the same questions similarly...voila (behold!)...you get a match! It's up to you to swipe left, if you don't like their looks. You ran into somebody who is probably a regular; and his face always pops-up!
The dude played you for a desperate-female; and you pretty much lived-up to it by being so quick to agree to sex.
Wise-up, my dear! If you're going to go on dating apps like Tinder, you better be up on your game. Know whom you're dealing with, and learn to tell a player when you see one!
You either learn the game, or get played. I hope you used protection; or you might want to get tested in the next 30 days, to be sure you didn't get infected. There are a lot of man-hoes on Tinder. They are looking for sex with gullible desperate-females, and horny-chicks. Very few relationships are matched on these dating apps; because they offer too many choices, and most free apps have become nothing more than hookup-apps.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (19 April 2020):
 You can’t really be expecting much here, sleeping with someone the first time you meet them doesn’t bode well for the future. There’s nothing wrong with having sex with someone early on, its your life, do whatever you want but the majority of the time it’s a trait that people would deem you to be not worthy of a relationship. If you gave it up that easy for me then you must do it with everyone kind of deal.
If he wanted a proper chat with you, he would do. It’s not hard to have a back and forth with someone is it? The thing here is he doesn’t want to.
Take this as a learning experience, if you like someone then make them wait for sex to see if they’re the real deal, I’m not saying that will guarantee they are, but it’s much more likely that they feel a deeper attraction than sexual if they’re willing to wait and get to know you before sex.
In the meantime I’d block this guy and move on with your life but most of all don’t beat yourself up over it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (19 April 2020):
 I think you were hoping for more with the "Twit" (twitter guy) and he was just hoping it would lead to sex. After all he fancied you. Which means he LIKES how you look, not necessarily want to date you.
The fact that you "matched" up on Tinder and the VERY next day had sex, might have ALSO given HIM the idea that you were just looking for a roll in the hay, like him.
He also figured after having had sex twice that he is done putting much effort in as it's not required.
OP, you give it up too easily. That puts you in the "fun-time girl" category, not the "potential GF" one.
You say, " I know I probably shouldn’t have slept with him again but you don’t think at the time."
TRY and "think" next time you meet someone new.
TRY and MAKE the effort in getting to REALLY know someone before you jump into bed with them. That means spending time in person, going on outings, dates etc. NOT between the sheets.
If I were you, I'd leave him be. Even if you professed that you like him (or THINK you like him) is not going to make him chase you.
Your best be to not be "used for sex" is to NOT have sex with almost random guys of the internet or an app. He could have a GF for all you know.
Be a little smarter.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (19 April 2020):
 It sounds to like like he got what he wanted when you met up with him on two occasions. I know its hard, but my advice would be to let this one go and not go chasing him. If you go chasing him you will come across as needy and clingy, which will give him even more reason to avoid you.
Forget about him now, even delete his details as there are always those evenings when you feel impelled to send a text, and the next day wishing you haden't.
Get on with your life, have fun, and sooner or later you will meet someone who gives you the love and attention that you so rightly deserve, and probably when you least expect it.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, SLW98 +, writes (19 April 2020):
SLW98 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAlso, I forgot to say! I remade my tinder and he matched with me again, and when he remade his a few weeks ago we matched again...it’s very strange. I forgot to add this into the text!
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