A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am a 20-yead-old girl in Asia and I met this 25-year-old guy from Europe on the internet in the end of 2005. After some talks on MSN and phone he asked me to be his gf and I agreed. I know it sounds stupid since we haven't met but my feeling is just so right. I learned about his life and his character through talking and web-camming and I feel strongly that I love him. He cares about me and says he loves me so much too. His family and friends know about me too.In his viewpoint sex in necessary for a relationship. He says during our first meet in the future he don't expect me to make love with him. However, if I still don't do it from our second meet onward, he has no choice but to give up. It is because we have to travel long distance to meet and it is hard for him not to be intimate with him from the second time onward.I am a virgin. We have been "dating" long-distance for more than 1 year. I would like to have sex with my love but his words make me hesitate. Does the thing he said means that he is a bad guy who just want sex from me?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2007): Yes. I'm sorry love, but he has no right to blackmail you with sex like that. If he truly cared for you, he wouldn't do that. Break up with him. You can do better!!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2007): Men who care about a woman do not demand that she have sex or they will break it off.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2007): no one. no man should ever force you or pressure you into having sex. the signs are all there. this guy clearly is just wanting to use you for sex. you should kick him to the curb.
how do you know if he really loves you? what if this man wasn't 100% true to you? be a wise young women and make the right choice for yourself. show him that you're worth a dime a dozen and will not settle for anything less.
dress up. go out with your girlfriends. meet new people (people in your area).
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A
male
reader, Kody  +, writes (7 March 2007):
There are more important things in a relationship than just sex. Though it is a part it is still not needed. love is the most important thing if he just wants sex I would get out of there
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2007): i agree with the other agony aunties here. he is trying to use you for sex and wanting to take your virginity. don't fall for it. if he really loved and repected you than he will wait until you're ready. do not fall for his mind games. you will get hurt.
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A
male
reader, maxsteel86  +, writes (6 March 2007):
 If he's from eastern europe then beware like hell! There's a huge market for trafficked far eastern women who then get forced into the sex industry. Who knows, maybe he wants to 'sample' you first? But whatever, he's definitely not worth it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2007): Agreed with the other Aunts here! He just wants sex from you, hun. Firstly, I do not believe anyone can 'fall in love' online without meeting their potential bf/gf, face to face. You can-- become infatuated, flattered and your ego is simply complimented by their attentions, online but you can't love someone you have never, ever seen. Gosh, that sounds desperate and needy! All you are doing is projecting your own fantasies/dreams of romance on them. When anyone falls in love online, they are acting needy and there is an emotional void in their life. Period. And there are a lot of second rate, scumbags out there, that prey on nice, vulnerable people. This is what has likely happened to you. The guy is a low-life. Any man who preys on others and takes advantage of a woman's notions of love and romance, and tells her, "if we meet, we have to have sex' is a user and a cad with low character. Don't be a gullible woman, sweety. Use your brains and rationale, here. He's telling you that 'sex is a precursor to a deep, mutually loving relationship. What a crock! If he truly loved you in a loving,healthy way--he wouldn't be worried one bit about his fulfilling his own physical needs. So don't fall for that line. Just remember those people who are so much into sex before they've formed a good, solid, love relationship are probably not going to be lasting partners. They are selfish. Tell him this is a no go and see how he reacts and never fear losing this jerk. Please realize, most guys aren't like him. What you could learn from this, is to treat dating as a selection process and make sure you and a potential bf both share the same values, interests and ethics.
So in a nutshell---He's using you-drop him like a hot potato and do it online. The arrogance of this guy amazes me. (shaking my head here). It's like he feels he needs to bestow you with a hello "romp in the hay" but we know, it's not to give to you-it's to take what he wants. What a jerk. Keep your self-respect intact and say "thanks, but no thanks". Take Care my dear and remember.Be selective, in the future and remember, online meetings are just to 'open the door' to making new friends. Real life and getting to know each other's family, friend's and each other's world, is where a true love can grow and it takes time. And if this guy is pressuring you and not willing to take his time...what is that telling you?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2007): Having a long distance relationship is not a logical reasoning to demand sex with you, even if you two have been together for a year. As everyone here has already pointed out, if he truly loved you, he wouldn't even make such unreasonable demands. Sex in an intimate relationship should be initiated by a natural flow of events and feelings and not an ultimatum to continue a relationship. That's like saying I demand an immediate five hundred thousand dollar raise after my first three months probation period at a company working as an office clerk.
Aside from not very good examples that I seem to make occasionally [ahem], I am guessing you're seeking a partnership rather than a dictatorship in an intimate relationship? This guy doesn't seem geniuine at all. What the hell is "he has no choice but to give up"?!?!?
Wow, please, if anyone ever catch me say that or express that towards my gf, I give you all permission to clobber me with bowling balls and such heavy painful things. [sighs]
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (6 March 2007):
 Hey sweetness,
His "requirements" are positively bogus. He's giving you an ultimatum ("have sex with me by the second time we meet or it's over"), which is out of line, not fair, and a little creepy. It doesn't sound to me like you're comfortable with this, and I think you should tell him that. If he doesn't respect the fact that you'd like to wait, he IS using you and he's NOT worth your time.
Any guy who really loves you, as SexKitten points out, if he really, genuinenly loved you he would respect you and want to go at your own pace.
I hope that when you do lose your virginity, it's special and with someone who really loves you and who you really love.
Best of luck, sweetness.
xxIndia
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (6 March 2007):
 Honestly this guy doesn't have any feelings for you - no one who is genuine would start making sex contracts. I personally wouldn't meet him at all - you think you know lots about him but only what he has told you. Frankly he could be married with 6 kids at home. Unfortunately the internet is a bad place to meet good people because it is easy to fall for the person you think they are 'online' without actually relying on your instincts and first impressions from real-world meets. You have the added disadvantage of being long-distance so you don't know anything about his friends, family and background. You sound like a very nice person and you should feel proud to be a virgin at 20 - don't flitter all that away on some internet man who doesn't sound sincere at all.
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A
female
reader, SexKitten69 +, writes (6 March 2007):
 hi there, i totally agree with cd206. You should never be forced into sex and please bear in mind that no means no.
If he did really love you he would respect you wishes and take things at your pace.
If you feel right about having sex with him please remember that you will never get you virginity back and you shouldn't be forced into giving it to him.
Plaese rate this response : )
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (6 March 2007):
 I get a very bad feeling from reading what he said. You should never feel forced into sex and he is trying to force you. Obviously your relationship has to be different because it's long distance, which means when you meet there is more pressure to move quickly but that doesn't mean you have to. I recommend telling him no if you don't feel comfortable with this because, after all, nobody should be able to force you into sex.
CD
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