A
male
age
30-35,
*nickx
writes:ok. ive been with my gf (im 15 she's 14) for close to 2 mths. yesterday, her school had a pep rally (she lives about a half hour away). I went to hang out with her, but she's a cheerleader, and most of the time i didn't see her. I met two of her friends, and we got pretty close and i think these people could become really good friends. Unfortunately, this is where the problems began.Her guy friend that i became friends with, is her ex. Her girl friend that i became friends with wants to date me (or thats what my gf tells me but she did try to get very close to me.) and i spent so much time with her ppl started to say we were dating.When i finally saw my gf, she spent more time with her ex than she did with me. Right in front of both of us, she told us she trusts him more than she does me. This is kinda normal tho as she texts my guy friends constantly. This definately made me jealous.My gf volunteered me into being the mascot for the parade (i thought it was embarrassing) but now im the hottest guy where she goes to school. I'm not used to this kinda reaction from girls, because where i go girls arent even interested in me. My gf told me she was jealous that every one else liked me, but what for? i was still with her.Now i really did like my gf's girl friend. She was funny, cute, and we shared a lot in common. She seemed to care more about me than my gf does. she flirted with me the entire time.Ok now i dont know who i like better. I made a mistake getting too serious too fast with my gf because the way i see it, we're both still young and should have the opportunity to date other people. On the other hand i really do like my gf (who is my first) and i dont want to hurt her or just quickly move from one girl to the next. Plus my gf older brother would hurt me if i hurt her in any way. If things didn't work out between me and any other girl id like to go back to dating my current gf.I gues im just confused and dont know what to say or do. Any help would be greatly appreciated. thanks!
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2008): Sorry Nick, I meant to respond to you last night, I'm sorry I didn't get back to you. Well now this thing is over and to tell the truth I'm very glad. Your girlfriend was much too young for you, as you found out, she is very good at telling lies, and doing things to make herself feel good. The fact that she and her mum called your parents, really sucks, she had no right to do this, especially as she's the one that broke up with you. The big problem is that your girlfriend is still a little girl, who only thinks of herself and what she wants. You want to have a serious conversation and she wants to talk about her own "immature problems". She needs to grow up before she can be a decent girlfriend. She dosen't really know what she wants or what she is doing. You learnt something, well so did I. Remember at first I thought she was nice, but now she sounds a little flakey. I'm not sorry things have turned out this way, but I'm angry she interfered and put down this other girl. Please date more older girls next time, and stay away from little kids who are selfish, confusing and hurtfull as well.
Take care of you babes. Don't give up your hobbies, and stay just the way you are, it's been a real pleasure talking with you.
A
male
reader, xnickx +, writes (28 August 2008):
xnickx is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hey id just like to say thanks to everyone thats been helping me. Unfortunately, the only thing that worked out was she broke up with me last nite. At least i didn't have to worry about hurting her. As for her friend, my gf and her mom told my dad she was crazy (just because my gf thought she was trying to steal me.) so im not allowed to see her now. It's too hard to prove she's not crazy living 40 miles away, so i'm back to square oneAt least i had fun while it lasted and learned a lot about relationships in the process. So thank you all so much. You guys are the best.
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A
male
reader, xnickx +, writes (27 August 2008):
xnickx is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUnfortunately, last nite on the phone we kind of had an argument so i dont know what to think of it now. Id be nice if someone could let me know what they think of my updated situation.
Everything she has said bad about me, she lied about and took back. The time she called me a "bad boyfriend" cause i wouldn't talk about sex on the phone while her best friend was there, she said her best friend said it.
About her telling her ex she trusts him more then anything in the world, and about her loudly saying stuff about the sex stuff sat, she said she was really hyper that day, so for me to just forget about what happened. I told her (please tell me if i was wrong to say this) that "what happens next time she's hyper? she starts making out with him or they go further?"
About texting my friends she says "oh dont worry i stopped texting them 3 days ago (which was sat)" Then she just brought up: "Dont worry i would never get back with [ ex ]. He's gross." Which makes me think something is going on cause i didn't even bring it up.
I didn't want it to end up the way it did. Last nite started her telling me how awesome her first day in the high school was. Then i said "hold on. we need to have a serious talk" then she (i didnt want to fight i just tried to tell her what i thought she was doing wrong and how she hurt me) shifted to:
"oh my day sucked. This girl at school keeps calling me a slut and she says that 'i'm gonna get ur boyfriends #, and he'll leave you for me and youll never see him again'. After what happend today ur going to do this to me? [starts bawling] My life sucks, my parents suck and always yell at me (she knows my life and parents and hers are way better than mine)."
Then the rest of the hour and half was. her telling little lies and me correcting them or her bawling, me feeling bad for her, me saying sorry, her not saying anything, and me feeling worse. This went on all nite, (after i thought about it, it seemed like she was doing this on purpace) and ended with her saying "alright my dad says its time to get off the phone" it was 9:30, her dad is almost always working at that time, and her limit is 10:00. She didn't even want to say good bye to me before she hung up but i snuck in a quick good bye i love youbefore she hung up.
Now i am unlike other guys in that i not only have a concience, but i use it. I didn't want to say i love you because i thought it would make her feel beter but it didn't. Now i have the fear that itll make it harder for me to break up with her (cause this is the road it's headed) and i want to put her down as soft as possible. Mainly cause i don't want to hurt her and i would lik to stay on good terms with her (i hate having ppl mad at me)
So please tell me what u guys think if i was wrong or right or what i should have done. Also how can i put her down as easy as possible? It's 8:30 now and it's her turn to call me, but i think i'll call her now. I'll keep u guys updated daily and whenever something serious changes.
Thanks for all the help guys!
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A
female
reader, lotsofgiggles123 +, writes (26 August 2008):
 dude you have to choose one i mean those are actuall people not just some dolls if you break up with her shes gonna be hurt and she a good chance she might not take you back so you have to choose one person her or her?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2008): Hi babes, I thought if I got some sleep and thought it over it would make some kind of sense. But it dosen't. I'm an old woman, and you kids and your comings and goings give me a big headache. Luckily we have ms anonymous on board and she is the same age as you and she can understand some of what your saying and how things go in your world...
Right.. I was wrong, your girlfriend aint so nice. She's been doing very strange things. She's been hanging out with an ex and showing him attention and leaving you alone. Then she fancies all your mates, she thinks they are hot and wants to get to know them. But she has difficulty in introducing you to her mates. Then we got some crazy mixed up sex thing, will she, won't she, we are, we aint, bloody hell no wonder your confused, I am too..
Then we got her ex again, she trusts him and tells him everything, they live near and talk all the time. But you and her aren't talking, she refuses to talk to you because she'd rather talk to her ex. Your phone calls are boring..
Then there is this girl in the middle. You like her, you both get on. But we don't know if she likes you, or felt sorry for you and was trying to keep your company because your girlfriend was talking to her ex.
I think I got everything, I might have missed something important but no matter. Okay, NO YOU CAN'T GET BACK WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND IF YOU DUMP HER. WHY SHOULD SHE WANT YOU BACK, WHY SHOULD SHE WAIT?
Ms anonymous is right about the sex thing. It seems to be some test she's giving you, but I don't understand what it means. So you will have to ask her why she keeps confusing you about sex, because you don't want it anyway, and you never asked her for sex.
Secondly why is she flirting with her ex and hanging around with him and leaving you alone. That aint right. Then she tells him her secrets but she tells you none. Then she talks to all your mates and tells you their hot. This is not right, she shouldn't be acting like this. Ms anonymous is right you got to talk to her. Ask her why she is behaving like she wants somebody else, if she's with you she's with you, she shouldn't be looking at other guys. She's got no right to make you jealous and you don't have to put up with this. If she wants you, she should be with you and treat you right, or you should walk away. Talk to her and ask what she's doing and try to find out why she is acting this way. Then she either stops or you walk away and leave her to mess about with other guys in peace...
Right you've spent time with this other girl. You like the way she treats you and you both share things in common. But we have no idea if she likes you, and we have no idea if you dump your girlfriend and start dating her, that she might not drive you crazy as well.
Your girlfriend is very, very, young, I think she's to young to date, because she's acts like a very little child, I don't think she has any idea what she is doing. Forget about sex with her, knock it on the head. She's already behaving strangely, who knows what will happen if you and her get any closer. It's only been 2 months and already your thinking about leaving her. This dosen't look good, but I would say before you go, take some time to talk to her.
Tell her it hurts that she spends so much time with her ex, tell it hurts when she's confusing with sex, tell her it hurts when she leaves you alone with a stranger, and tell her it hurts when she checks out other guys. It may be a test, but she has no right to treat you this way. I would give her a chance, maybe her ex really hurt her and that's why she is testing you. Talk to her and find out what is going on and then come back and tell us. I don't think you should date the other girl. It's not very long and you and your girlfriend might just be able to work this out. Talk to her and then update your situation and tell us how you got on. I for one would love to know what's in her head, and as ms anonymous has said, it may be some test you have to pass that she's made up in her head.. Good luck, blessings, hope we hear from you soon.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2008): I'm confused you say u care for this girl but you basicly just gave loads of reasons why you don't want to be with her. I think your girlfriend is more insecure than you think. She may not want you to meet her friends because she thinks ull like them more (my guy left me because he liked my friend more after i introduced them). She may be trying to make you jealous so you can prove to her that u really want her. And the whole sex thing is maybe to show you respect her and her boundaries.
I think you just need to be honest and talk to each other about this.
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A
male
reader, xnickx +, writes (25 August 2008):
xnickx is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI would never cheat on anyone. When I was in elementary school and when ppl had gf’s just to have gf’s I was cheated on. And even then it hurt. I didn’t flirt back. I didn’t even let her know I wanted to be more than friends. The only reason ppl were saying we were dating is because I spent almost the whole time with her because my girlfriend was out on the field. The thing is my gf wouldn’t introduce me to any of her friends. The week I started dating her, she met my best friend she has talked to all my football friends on the phone and ive showed her their pics. She texts my guy friends constantly and tells me how hot they are. The first time I met any of her friends was last week, and she didn’t even want to introduce me to any of her friends at the pep rally. I met the other girl just when we were walking thru and she stopped and said [to my gf] whos this? and I introduced myself. She was the only person I knew at the rally at that point so that is why I spent all that time with her. The other girl never told anyone I was her bf, infact she denied it when ppl asked her.
The main thing that has me going about her is my gf was actually acting insane last nite. She tells me she doesn’t feel comfortable talking about sex with me any more, when she’s the one that kind of forced me into talking about it with her. Yet she tells my friends that we talked about sex (which caused problems with me and my friends for a while) and last nite were in the middle of everyone shes loudly talking about how she has a condom in her room ready for me (we already discussed we wouldn’t do it yet prior to this, and I wouldn’t do it; I care too much for her) with the other girl. The next thing she said to me was she would never have sex cause she wants to get her purity ring from her church. She has me thinking she doesn’t trust me anymore cause our phone calls have become boring lately cause she wont tell me anything anymore. And when she told her ex she trusts him more then anyone in the world it hurt because I was right there and I trusted her with everything. My gf flirted with him while I was right there and they practically live right next to each other. They can see each other any time they want. I live 30-40 miles away and she spent all her free time with him.
It makes me uncomfortable when she flirts with him, yet im not allowed to tell her she can’t talk to him anymore however im not allowed to even be friends with a girl who likes me? Plenty of her friends like her and im not allowed to say anything.
I guess the point is that ive been used and cheated on twice before in the past, (even tho they were just “fake” gf’s) no girls at my school like me. At first I had no confidence, and yes she has given me confidence and if you want to say this fame is going to my head, go ahead. But I just want to be sure she is not using me just to get back with her ex or some one else.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2008): PS: Your girl sounds nice, you'd be stupid to finish with her. What makes you think she'll wait around while you go dating other girls, and then decide to take you back. Your fame has gone to your head, but remember she's the one that told you to become a mascot in the first place. She's shared her friends with you, she's included you and made girls want to date you. Leave her if you want, go with somebody else, who didn't notice you in the first place. But your girl is nice, there are tons of guys that would love to be with a kind thoughtfull person like her. Go and date somebody else, but you'll be the looser when somebody finds her and loves her instead.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2008): Nick, I think your girlfriend is right, this girl sounds strange. She is doing everything in her power to break you and your girlfriend up. She's not very nice, she's got people believing your her boyfriend, she's got your girlfriend jealous. Stay away from this girl, she's not very nice at all.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2008): So you both do stuff that makes the other jealous? You should probably talk to each other about that. I'm 15, and a recent ex of mine did this, he liked another girl more dumped me then came back to me then dumped me again then came back to me again. It's a lot of pain and it upset me so much and if you care for a girl you won't keep making her go through that pain. And if you do it once you won't see the trouble in doing it over and over again. If you need time out tell your gf that, tell her your just being honest but that you care for her a lot. DO NOT GO WITH THE OTHER GIRL WHILE STILL WITH YOUR GF OR ON A BREAK! DON'T EVEN FLIRT WITH THE GIRL IN ANYWAY THAT CAN BE PROVEN (email or messenger or text!). It may in the end turn into a fight between the girls and you don't want to get caught in the middle, with proof that you have technically been cheating.
If you decide that your current gf is the girl for u, then you can stay friends with the other girl and just tell ur gf that she has to trust you and if she doesn't then this isn't worth it. Though you have to trust yourself to definatly not to be even tempted by the other girl.
If you choose the other girl, then fine but don't expect to go back to your other gf. If you hurt her by leaving her for someone else you don't deserve her back.
or there is a third option. walk away from the whole dilema and find a totally new girl.
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A
male
reader, xnickx +, writes (24 August 2008):
xnickx is verified as being by the original poster of the questionbtw, i just talked to my gf and she told me the girl that i met was telling everyone i was her bf. My gf also told her best friend that the girl did that. Who knows who else she told.Now my gf and her best friend are telling me she's psycho and to stay away from the girl.But i was with the other girl the whole time and she never said that. Also like i said, i like her and enjoyed her company while my gf was out on the field. id atleast like to be friends with her, but if im atleast friends with her, my gf might break up with me anyway.Should i believe my gf? she's never lied to me but i think it's more jealousy than anything.
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