A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupids I am at my lowest point ever I hope you can understand everything I have to say , and would really like your opinions of how to go about this. I met this guy online ( i know I was also one of the ones that said never meet a guy online) but well I did, we spoke for a few weeks, then I gave him my number to talk rather than via chat room, we met another week after that then been seeing eachother for the past to weeks, He told me how much he was in love with me and that I am everything he wants in a woman, I fell for him in a big way too, when we made love it was amazing for both of us, he sends very loving texts every day, we speak on the phone hours at a time, then today he dumps me by text saying he told his mother about us and she has hit the roof, because he split with his ex of 13yrs only a year ago. Now he phoned me later today and said I should understand how hurt HE is feeling right now, and that some of the things his mum said made sense to him, now he dont know what he wants, but expects me to wait for him to make up his mind if he wants to be with me or not. he said its killing him inside, but he has to sort his life out he cant live with his mum forever, I even went as far as to suggest he moves in with me, but he said it wouldn't feel right because of my kids. i have 3. im so confused and hurt right now I want to just end it all, I know its sounds silly but he really is my soul mate, the love i feel for him is so vry strong that my heart is hurting so bad right now. sorry bit long.
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broke up, chat room, his ex, soulmate, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2012): You might be one of those rare couples whom the Internet dating world works out for.He took 2 weeks of dating to fall in love and only 2- 3 days apart to decide he wants to be with you. You must have made an impression.He says to keep it simple,this will be very difficult with the intensity of your feelings,wish you luck for the future ;o)
A
female
reader, Stayc63088  +, writes (28 August 2012):
 I think you did everything right. When it all went down you texted that you won't be waiting around forever. I applaud you. You showed that you love him but you won't sit around waiting, you have more self respect than that. I'm glad everything ended up okay and he decided he wants to pursue it. Hopefully he gets a new place and all turns out well for you :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHI
my friend actually set it up for me as a laugh because I was a no way would I person, but then thought you know what,what the hec I will give it a go. Well he phoned me tonight and we have decided to stay together, but just keep it simple for the time being while he sorts out the house and moves out of his mums. He apologised for how he has made me feel, and was pushing me away cause he thought I would want to run a mile anyway because of the problems thats now arised, however like I told him I don't run from what I love I embrace it and protect it , so I just guess time can only tell now. thank you all for your replys even the ones that were a bit hard to swallow but I guess in some way or another made some good points.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2012): Women do not use dating sites to meet men if they are 'perfectly happy on their own'. The whole procedure is time consuming so you would need to be seriously 'looking' to sign up for one.Are you both still on there?
I am sorry to hear it has not worked with this guy as he has made an impression on your heart. His mother sounds more like an angry wife who has just been told shes dumped tbh.
You can wait for him a bit , to see what he decides but keep going with your social life ,going out with friends and do not contact him no matter how tempting.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2012): I have been single for as long as I felt fit, I was not looking for anyone and was perfectly happy on my own,until he came into my life, like I stated in an earlier reply I laughed at the ones who said love at first sight, so until you have been in my shoes you really would not understand where I am coming from. All I know is that right now I feel like I am grieving a lost soul. I have not been in touch with him since, he text me today and said he is thinking of me 24/7 but understands that I can't wait around for him if he is going to let his mother dictate his life. He bombarded me with everything going to make me fall for him and let down my walls. So yes I am extremely hurt by all this, so telling me it's a fantasy is really not great advice is it! I only hope and pray you NEVER have to feel what I am feeling now.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2012): You are in love with finding a life partner. That is not real love, it is a fantasy.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (26 August 2012):
 He told you this today. Give it some time. You need to think, he needs to think. Don't make any rash decisions, wait it out and see what happens.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2012): It is the oldest trick in the book. Tell a woman off a dating site that you love her, tell her she is beautiful, tell her what she`s been longing to hear etc, she will be like putty in your hands. I agree, dating sites are done in desperation or by people wanting to use someone vulnerable or to cheat on their real partners. Forget them if you seriously want to meet someone.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questiondesperate?? i only acted on how he was with me. he told ME he was madly inlove with me first
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2012): Your moving so fast, falling in love etc may have come across to him as desperation and maybe that`s what his mother spotted.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2012): i am sorry to have to put it this way, but i think this soulmate/love belief what lives in your head is nothing but a symptom of desperation, just like the dating site was. you will get over this and you should be careful not to end up like this next time, when the next one off a dating site pretends he cares.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for your replys, yes I know it was all rushed I don't dissagree one bit with that, but I also never believed in love at first sight either, I used to laugh at he people who said that, now I guess i'm the last one laughing because I am so in love with this guy its killing me inside. However I did text him last night and said I wont be waiting around for him to be ready and deleted all numbers and contacts. to which my reply was ! " it;s been a nightmare at home,i'm sorry you feel that way, really sorry x"
about the children he said it wouldn't look right to my kids if he moved in, and to that I agree because I was just being irrational at the time because I didn't want to loose him, but I have now and theres nothing I can do about it. Just feel like the biggest idiot in the world right now, and my heart is so heavy this morning.
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female
reader, oldbag +, writes (26 August 2012):
 Hi
I find it hard to believe his mum said that or even knows about you, even if she did (which i dont think is true) He wouldnt,a grown man,admit she had warned him off you surely!
He's not your soulmate, hes just some bloke off the net who reeled you in with fairy tales. It was WAY to fast and for you to even offer to move him in when you have 3 kids at home, thats just crazy. You know nothing about him.
All this will become very clear as you distance yourself from him, you will see it and him for what it really is.Infatuation.
Walk away, do not wait around for him.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2012): ooh no no, sounds very average in the wold of online dating, quick infatuation and suddenly he breaks every single promise he has made to you...
soon you will start feeling extremely emotionally drained, as he goes up and down left and right and you sit around wait for him to make his mind up , which by the way will never happen, mean while he will keep processing things and telling you think you would love to hear, love, moving in together, so special, so unique, bla bla bla, castles in the air!.
and it’s because it all happens so fast it clouds your judgement, it feels like a love story out of a novel or romance book!. but reality is... we’ll just have a look at how you are feeling right now, and no matter how fast things happened between you two, how many of those promises have come true? how happy are you at the moment on that dream story you guys created?...
my point been walk away now you can, and soo you will see it exactly for what it is.
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female
reader, thinkb4  +, writes (26 August 2012):
It is not about his mother. Its about his reluctance to take on a ready made family. I think you have no choice but to move on from this.
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male
reader, bronzed adonis +, writes (26 August 2012):
 "It wouldnt feel right" because of your kids? What does that tell you?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2012): He is not your soulmate, you hardly know him. If he wanted to be with you he would and it wouldnt matter what his mother said or thought. To tell you the truth, I think he doesnt want your children.
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female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (25 August 2012):
I think the entire relationship was very rushed. Saying you are in love is pretty serious seeing as it has only been 2 months total and a lot of that time wasn't even in person. I see it either 2 ways- He wouldn't have dumped you despite what his mother said if he was sure about the relationship and that it was right for him right now. He could have realized he just isn't ready for how serious this relationship has gotten so soon and his mom put it into perspective. Or- He is a momma's boy who does whatever she tells him to despite his own feelings. That is no one you want.
With either way the relationship isn't going to happen right now. Maybe down the road when he feels more ready it could be in the cards but who knows how long that would be or if it is even possible. Having him move in with you at such an early stage in the relationship when you have 3 children wouldn't be responsible or smart. It's all just too soon. It's obviously a whirlwind romance that has you very upset it ended so abruptly. But unfortunately there's nothing to do about it. He said to wait for him so it's up to you what you do now. I think you will know when the time is to move on.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 August 2012):
 I think you are moving WAY to fast. Specially for a single mom of 3.
So you have known him a couple 3 tops months and most of the conversations have been either through text or online, correct?
So honestly, you don't REALLY know the guy.
I think he realized that he was moving a bit to fast that he was caught up in the whole *I want to find love again* and his mom gave him a wake up call.
Now, IF what you two had, had ANY kind of long term potential, he wouldn't be listening to his mom. Whatever she said wouldn't have made him totally back off.
I understand thinking :"HE is the ONE" and getting a kick in the shin instead hurts. But... better find out now that it's not going to happen then after he moves in and mingle with the kids.
Obviously he didn't have the nads for a "pre-made" family. Not everyone do.
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female
reader, cute angel  +, writes (25 August 2012):
 Well the mother hasn't met you,the mother doesn't know you..so for his mom your just this 'online girl' her son met and she's afraid it would break his son's heart!
Where as this guy knows you,he has met you so rather than just going by what his mother said,he should have introduced you to his mother,invited you home create a better atmosphere..than just dumping you via text which is soo disrespectful..
I know you love this guy but if he can dump you so easily via text,how do you know in the future he will not leave you again?cause this guy doesn't seem to have a mind of his own and gets easily influenced..well you have 3 kids,you have their responsiblity and I dount you would want to be with a man who can't even handle his mom and just resort to breaking up in a cowardly manner..
I would suggest you move on..
Good luck x
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