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female
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anonymous
writes: After the break-up of a long term relationship, I have been single for 4 years. I am very shy and do find it difficult to talk to people I don't know well. One night when I was out I made eye contact with a man I felt very attracted to. He also appeared to be quite shy and a friend who knew him confirmed that he was. He didn't rush over to speak to me but we continued to stare at each other for 4 weeks before he slowly edged his way over and spoke. He asked for my number and told me he would call...He didn't! I didn't go out again for six months but when I did he spoke to me again he said he was sorry he hadn't rang and told me he still had my number. I didn't really know what to say to him as I felt really uncomfortable and he looked uncomfortable as well. I feel really confused by his actions.If he was interested then why didn't he ring? I haven't been out again for months but I can't stop thinking about him. What should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2006): Aunt Audrey and Smeedle both give good advice. He may have had someone else in his life, at the time you gave him your phone number. If he did have someone then he shouldn't have been asking for your number. However, if this wasn't the case, you mention he was shy himself. Sometimes shy men often use a defense mechanisms as a way to deal with their emotions. Many often, they will ignore the ones they are attracted to for fear of rejection. If you are shy as well, then you both have hit a 'wall', so to speak. So maybe you should sleuth a bit and find out what his relationship status is. If you know with certainty, he's unattached-then put him to the test. Be really courageous snd don't allow dear to rule and just call him. If he rejects your invitation for a coffee or drinks, then you have your answer. And knowing this allows you to 'finally' move ahead. It sounds like your shyness tends to 'box you in'. Yearning for a man to call you like this, for so long is a bit unusual. So if you have a issues with confidence andshyness, I think you should research some good books and courses for overcoming shyness and and learning some great people skills. There's a good book called 'How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie...I have read this book myself and it's a good one. I highly recommend it. Take care hun and I wish you the best.
A
female
reader, smeedle  +, writes (15 March 2006):
 If you have his number or can get hold of it then you ring him, if he is this shy and I know some people are he may find ringing you really difficult.
Both of you are shy so someone has to make the first move and it depends on who is the less shy and I think that maybe you.
Do you have his address, e-mail or know any of his friends, could you go out and meet him and ask him out, make sure you do this casually saying things like "do you want to meet for coffee" or "do you fancy meeting in the pub next saturday at 7.30".
Be specific, leave nothing to chance but please just make the effort as Im sure it will be worth it in the long run.
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A
female
reader, Aunt Audrey +, writes (15 March 2006):
 If you have given him your number and he has not rung even after saying he would be in contact a second time, I really wouldn't bank on him calling in the future. He may well be shy, or he may already be in a relationship, do you know that he is single? He may have lost your number or taken it down incorrectly. There may be a number of reasons why he hasn't called, and unless you ask him directly you are unlikely to find out his reason.
You don't say why you haven't been out for months, but I hope you have not stopped going out because this man has not called you.
My advice would be to start going out again and if you are still interested in him and meet up again, take the initiative and ask for his number, if he is interested and unattached he will give it to you and you can then contact him, and take it from there. You know the saying "nothing ventured, nothing gained".
Good luck!
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