A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I met a man online years ago but everything seems to be at my cost. He wants marriage at my financial cost. He wants to move here, at my financial cost. Yes, I went to see him several times in his country at my cost I understand there is slim pickings for jobs where hes from but if hes serious he should be able to help with something, shouldn't he? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2021): I very much doubt he has any intention of moving to where you are or marrying you. He prefers to be single where he keeps you at arm's length and spends very little time with you but has a lot of your money. He does the same with any other stupid woman who comes his way. He has dozens of them when he can. It is his job.He has no feelings for you. What is wrong with you that you want a man who offers nothing whatsoever other than lies and promises that you can see will be broken? Why would any sensible person want a relationship where they pay for everything?!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2021): You're being scammed, end it and move on
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2021): It's an online scam. These men earn a living suckering lonely gullible Canadian, American, and European women. That also includes gay-men; they go gay for pay! Some have both men and women as "sucker-clients."
A lot of our advice on DC is given time and time again for this same issue to lonely-females who ask for advice; but I know they pay no attention to it.
Often times, they just keep writing; hoping they'll get an answer from a sympathizer who will tell them how they can hold onto these scam-romances. They have deluded themselves into believing these men love them. I wouldn't be surprised if you've written DC several times before. Pretending you're some kind of victim. You're willing to be used, and you are well aware of what he's doing. You know he's taking advantage of you, but you're stuck. He's probably many years younger than you. He sweettalks you. Maybe he has sex with you when you come to visit. That'll keep the money wires flowing in.
After several years and thousands of dollars of your hard-earned money; you're still stubborn, and want to believe he loves you.
You say you met him online years ago. Yet you're still paying for everything? He's got himself quite a deal. He doesn't have to work, because you support him. You, and how ever many other women he has online; doing the same exact thing. Maybe a gay-man or two as well!
Just keep paying until you don't want to anymore. You believe he loves you. He loves the money you give him, and he loves that you'll believe whatever sob-story he tells you. He loves that you allow him to use you. You're a joke over a beer in a local pub; you supply the money he uses to entertain local-women. You pay for the clothes he dresses-up in, to go out on the town. He smells good with the cologne you've paid for. He squanders the money you've sent him; he claimed he needed for some kind of emergency. He pays the local street-walkers for sex favors. That's what he does with your money, and the money he probably gets from other gullible lonely online-donors.
Keep paying. You'll come to your senses someday. You are trying to buy love. It's like paying a long-term mortgage loan. You pay nothing but interest year after year; and you never really effect the amount of the loan you borrowed; until you've paid years and years into it. You're paying for love, and you haven't gotten much in return. At least with a mortgage you're investing in a house. You've got yourself a money-pit for a boyfriend. A grown-up dependent.
He probably has other women he met online doing the same thing you are. They usually do, because it's a very lucrative scheme. These women don't listen to anybody's advice; so these guys make-out like bandits. You've written DC looking for sympathy, not advice.
Keep paying until you either go broke; or he just gets tired of you, and finds somebody else.
Maybe it's time to see a therapist, and get some help. You're infatuated with man in a fantasy online-romance. He's taking you for your money.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (29 September 2021):
 End it and look for a partner closer to home.
He IS NOT your financial relsponsibility.
You know this is sketchy. END IT.
IF you help him move to the UK you will be 100% responsible financially for him, do you want that? He might even decide that some of YOUR money needs to go to his family back home, for him to go visit back home (without you as YOU have to work to make that money..) etc. etc.
JUST NO, OP
Just nope right out of there.
END the relationship asap.
Find someone LOCAL, who HAS a job and can take care of himself and not mooch of you.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (28 September 2021):
 There have been a few posts similar to this one, and i will go along with the same answer that i replied to the other posts with.
I know its not what you want to hear, but i feel that you have been scammed.
You met a man online years ago, and everything up till now has been at your cost, and you even expected to pay for a wedding, this really say's it all OP.
I bet that you work hard for your money, and you are losing it all to someone who is lapping up and enjoying having everything paid for him.
I would say absolutely no to marrying him, unless you want to lose more money. What you have lost already up till now you are going to have to put down to a learning curve.
Yes he should contribute financially, it all just can't be on your shoulders.
My advice, leave him, block him, and move on, i don't envisage a happy outcome here.
Like YCBS said, listen to your gut instinct, or womens intuition.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (28 September 2021):
 You have a gut instinct for good reason: to warn you when something is not "quite right" and to protect you from it. Your gut instinct is telling you that you were used and that you will be used going forward, but only if YOU allow it. Sounds like this guy sees you as a meal ticket. It's up to you whether you allow him to use you in this way.
To answer your question, yes, absolutely he should be able to contribute SOMETHING financially IF he's serious about having a future with you.
You are obviously having misgivings about him, otherwise you would not have written in. Listen to your gut instinct.
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