A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I meet this man online in July. We corresponded through e-mail for a month and then started dating the first week of August. We have been dating for a month now, a few times a week. I really like him and we always have a good time. We are at the point where we were comfortable sharing stories from our past and delving deeper into each others lives. Here comes the brick wall, I spoke to a friend about him and she told me that he had messaged her online just 3 days ago. She had showed me his messages and they said things like; I haven't found the person I'm looking for and that he wasn't currently dating. I decided right then, that I'm not dealing with this and getting out now would be best, only a month in. I hate breaking things off with negative feelings so I just told him that I didn't think he was interested in a serious relationship, basically giving him an opportunity to bow out graciously. He immediately began listing all the reasons that we should continue seeing each other and insisted that he was very interested in me. I don't know if I should tell him about my friend, I'm trying to be nice and end it kindly but he doesn't seem to get the hint. He sent me a text this morning telling me he was thinking about me when he woke up. To his benefit, since I brought this up on Friday, he hasn't been on the sight or messaged my friend again. But, that is still no excuse. I just don't want it to look like I was spying on him, which I wasn't. It hit me like a brick when I realized the guy she was talking to and the guy I was dating were the same person. Confused by all of this, hope someone has advice.
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female
reader, Chippy2 +, writes (7 September 2009):
You can meet nothing good online. He lied. And yes you were lucky it was a friend that he messaged THIS time!I was foolish enough to date a guy who I met in real life who was on dating sites. Guess where he is now? After 4 years of me loving him and him saying he loved me and to give him another chance, he is with an internet chick who he knows nothing about. Why? cause he got fed up finally of me complaining about his advertising himself and she is easier cause she knows nothing about him except what he has told her and he plans to keep it that way to keep HIS options open! I am lucky I never got an STD from him. And I am smarter now not 2 be abused by him.Get out while you can and dont tolerate this - and better yet get off internet dating and look at real people around you. Believe me I have NEVER heard a good story about someone meeting online.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2009): I think you should tell him that your friend showed you that message. You werent spying on him at all, and if he gets defensive and acts as if you were thats not right at all. He was the one who went behind your back, the only way he should respond is with an apology. He might have just made a mistake or was upset. We have all gotten upset and thought about things, and then sent messages to people we regret. He does seem like he wants to make this work, and its totally up to you. If you want to try to make this work too, than talk to him about everything and open up to him and see what he has to say. Its going to be hard to regain your trust again, but if he is willing to try his hardest and show you he can do it, then maybe you should give him another try. If you think deep down in your heart that this wont work and you wont ever be able to fully trust him, then you should end things and move on to someone even better.
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A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (6 September 2009):
 The problem with online dating is simple. You don't know who you're talking to per se, and because of it, a guy can keep his options open. But the same is true for women.
If he's really interested in you, maybe you ought to show him the email your friend sent you. In other words, let him know that he hit up on a girlfriend and now he's busted.
Its possible, just possible he was flirting because he didn't know if was going to last with you. After all, you just confirmed his greatest suspicion and that is that someone he'd started dating was going to break up with him.
Sometimes its just easier to air these things out in the open. After all, you've decided to dump him, so you might as well be honest and tell him why.
Otherwise, he's never going to fess up and you and your friend are condoning his behavior. Which means he'll do it again!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2009): he betrayed your trust, the next girl he writes may not be your friend who is willing to expose him for the player he is. remember that all players come in all forms. they have to mr. wonderful- otherwise who would put up with an outright douchebag? cut your losses now honnie and show him a copy of that message, giving him one great reason why it won't work out!
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