A
male
age
30-35,
*eyland-Yutani
writes:I'm almost finishing my first term at University, but not all is amazing. Around then end of October I met a guy (Same age as me, same Uni year), and he is literally amazing. If there's any proof that love at first sight exists, he's it. I mean it just started out as being desperate to find a boyfriend, but after we've been talking for a while, I'm absolutely mental about him. Problem is, he's been in a long-distance relationship for over a year.Despite my want to not be "the other guy", nothing else seems to be happening. Any guy here, either I don't like, likes me but has a boyfriend, or "doesn't want anything serious" (Which I've grown to despise - it's not like I want to marry them, but that's another story.)So the other Thursday, I decided to tell him how I felt, I told him I liked him. He told me he liked me too but he hadn't been as faithful as he should have been since he got to Uni, so despite everything, it'd probably kill him to do it again. It's not like he's promiscuous, I understand his position. If I was in a long-distance I'd probably go crazy keeping a commitment too.So it comes to last night, we decide to have a film night. Despite basic morality I kept trying to make subtle moves e.g. moving closer in, talking about intimate subjects, e.g. family, coming out, etc.Then tonight, we went to the Christmas dinner and he got a little drunk, and he got so upset, feeling like he wasn't worth anything etc. And after being so weird the whole evening seeing him being playful and cuddly like usual, I decided to step in. So there was a lot of hugging, a lot of comforting talk, a kiss or two, and also the regular drunk stuff, i.e. getting him home, rubbing his back whilst it all came back up, etc.. And it's just made things worse for me.I don't want to break up a happy relationship, it's not my place and if he's happy, I would never want to hurt him. But I dunno what to do. I don't wanna be "the other guy" as it were. But I've never been in this situation before, and I've never felt this way about anyone since my last (and somehow ironically, first boyfriend). Anyone know how I can deal with this?
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male
reader, georgey5100 +, writes (12 December 2012):
Sadly, I've been in a fairly similar situation, and you only have two choices: either hang around like you are now, putting yourself through all that distress again and again in the hope of a slim chance they may split and then he'll magically want you and no one else, or back away and look for someone else without the baggage. Although I think you already knew those two choices. I'm not saying don't be there to support him, but whichever choice you take, you cannot be hugging and kissing him. Sorry I could not be of anymore help than underlining the obvious, but you're right... it would be very unfair to break up a happy relationship.
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