A
female
age
41-50,
*isenchanted
writes:I sent a very pretty girlfriend of mine to go work at my boyfriend's office as his secretary. She's 21, cute and little. At the time I didn't think much of it, I just knew he needed help. I can't work there b/c I have a FT job, and I was proud to be sending such an attractive friend to work there, (don't ask me why) with him and his other assistant who is a married man. There's no denying she's pretty, but now I'm driving myself crazy with the thought that he must be fantasizing about her all the time while they work in close proximity together. I'm not at all concerned that he'll cheat, but is it safe to assume that he does fantasize about her? Does he think about having sex with her when she's right there in front of him? Or even later when he's at home? Is she fuel for his sex? Does he think about what he's going to wear on days when she's working there? Does he look forward to seeing her? I know you can't answer for him, but maybe you could shed some light on how guys minds wor, and if this is just common place, or if I'm making a big deal out of something b/c of my own insecurities, and I need to get over myself. I mean do all guys do this, and it's no big deal, or is it totally sleazy?
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male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (14 August 2008):
 I don't think that you should worry about this situation so much, and just keep pleasing your man as long as he is lso pleasing you. If that changes, then worry a bit more.
A
female
reader, disenchanted +, writes (14 August 2008):
disenchanted is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm not sure what I was thinking at the time either, but I know the idea of it didn't bother me at all. I trust him completely, I trust her too, not because she and I are so close, it's just that I know she's not interested. To be honest it would probably still bother me even if she was a lesbian, maybe less so, but it has something to do with not having control over it. I think we just got deeper into the relationship and I do obsess and it leaves my insecurities bare. And you're all right, I need to figure out a way to let it go. He's a great guy, and I don't know why I drive myself crazy with this stuff. It's my first serious relationship, and sometimes I feel clueless.
But I have another question...
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (14 August 2008):
 Hi,
I am still wondering why on earth you sent this girl to him in the first place. What on earth were you thinking?
Now it should never be a problem if you trust him, but you obviously have some doubts or else you wouldnt be writing in.
It is totally unfair of you to assume that your boyfriend will be oogling her in an unprofessional manner, you sent her to him after all.
But men are men, we are visual creatures and even the best of us like to admire a pretty girl.. that is just human nature. But assuming we will fall for some young bit of fluff just because she is a hottie is frankly a bit insulting. How would you feel if your boyfriend gave you grief if a nice looking man started work with you?
Trust your partner, and if you have doubts don't send any good looking women to him in the future.
You are also buying into the myth that women are temptress's waiting for the first good man to sink their hooks in.. she probably has a boyfriend anyway so I'm sure she is not the least bit interested in your fella.
You are just going to have to sit back and chill mate. Jealous feelings are hard to rationalise , and we all get them, so you are just going to have to grin and bear it!
Good luck
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (14 August 2008):
Duh ! If he is a normal heterosexual male and his heart is still beating, it will likely beat a bit faster when your pretty, petite girlfriend is nearby. What would you expect? You know him, and we do not, so whether he would make an advance or not depends on his character and the quality of your relationship with your boyfriend. Will he at least think about it? Duh !
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A
male
reader, The Listener +, writes (14 August 2008):
 It's hard to say. As a man in a relationship, I don't look at other women to 'fuel' my sex drive, neither do i fantasize about other women or worry about what clothes i am going to wear when working with female colleagues or friends, even attractive ones. It is common for a man's mind to wander every now and then, in my experience, but that doesn't mean she is going to be on his mind all the time. There may be something there, but that would be up to you to decide based on what you hear and how they get along. I would say he might think her particularly attractive on a certain day if she is wearing something nice, but it won't be the focus of his attention.
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