A
female
age
36-40,
*younglove
writes:Hello,I'm 20 years old and I got married when I was 18. I have never been on my own and I've always had to depend on my husband. Now after just two years of marriage, we don't talk any more because if we do we argue. He always talks about how he needs his space and I'm smothering him. I've tried to compromise and he has his own room and he is in there all the time alone but that still isn't enough. He says that he is stressed and he just needs time to be alone and think. Now we have resorted to him spending nights with family members just so he can have some time to his self away from me. I suggested that maybe I move out so then we can both have some space and we could kind of start all over like dating each other again. Especially since I never had a chance to be on my own. The only thing about that is we have a lot of bills already and I would be leaving that burden on him. We married so young and now I'm wondering if it was a mistake. I don't know what to do should I move out and just try to start over in our relationship, should I fight for my marriage or get the hell out before it's way too late? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, starismine1 +, writes (7 September 2008):
 everything in life is about baby steps that lead to giant leaps, have your friends pick you up and go out occassionally to regroup and enjoy life. Get that drivers license so you are emotionally independent (physical dependence on others for driving places is really just a need for emotional dependence). It may be that your struggles financially are symptoms of your need for independence, so focus on what you need to do to fulfill your life.
A
female
reader, 1younglove +, writes (7 September 2008):
1younglove is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your help I appreciate it. I've talked to him and one of our main problems is our finances. We both have to work so hard to make ends meet it gets very stressful. we always argue over the dumbest things and get up set over the smallest stuff. Before we got married it wasn't like that and he regrets getting married. I also want to go out and have fun do stuff. he doesn't like to hang out with friends or go to the movies he just wants to sit in the house and be upset about our money problems. I want to go to parties and hang with friends but I don't know how to drive so i'm stuck at home with him. I just don't know what to do I feel so trapped and I don't want to spend the rest of my life like this.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2008): You need to establish what caused this marriage to go wrong. You both need to talk and communicate with each other. You need him to co-operate with you, and ask him what he wants- and not the 'space' awnser. Ask him what he feels you should do, and where you see yourself as a couple in this marriage. You both need to let each other know what you want. Suggest you go to marriage counselling together, as this can make you both realise what you both need and want from each other. What caused this marriage to get to where it is now? You do need to fight, but HE also needs to fight, otherwise whats the point? You need to make him understand that you both need to work through this- or at least have a go at working through this, with you BOTH giving everything into the marraige.
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A
female
reader, starismine1 +, writes (6 September 2008):
It sounds to me like you need to find more fulfilling things to do with your life so that you don't depend on him to fulfill you emotionally in ways he can't. That means socializing with female friends and doing things you have an interest in by joining clubs or groups and doing a few things without him. He sounds like a caring, loving guy. You don't have to find independence by moving out, just find yourself by participating in activities outside the home once or twice a week. You will be amazed at how much that will change the dynamic of your relationship. Yes, you did marry young, but that doesn't mean things can't work out. Also, the bills situation sounds like another issue you may both need to address. Does he work alot to make ends meet and do you feel ignored and like he's not really there for you? Financial difficulties can often make relationships that are based on true love very strained, so don't give up on things. Talk about ways you can help with the financial situation for a short time, like with weekend babysitting, perhaps these issues are at the root of the unrest as well.
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A
female
reader, starismine1 +, writes (6 September 2008):
It sounds to me like you need to find more fulfilling things to do with your life so that you don't depend on him to fulfill you emotionally in ways he can't. That means socializing female friends and doing things you have an interest in by joining clubs or groups and doing a few things without him. He sounds like a caring, loving guy. You don't have to find independence by moving out, just find yourself by participating in activities outside the home once or twice a week. You will be amazed at how much that will change the dynamic of your relationship. Yes, you did marry young, but that doesn't mean things can't work out. Also, the bills situation sounds like another issue you may both need to address. Does he work alot to make ends meet and do you feel ignored and like he's not really there for you? Financial difficulties can often make relationships that are based on true love very strained, so don't give up on things. Talk about ways you can help with the financial situation for a short time, like with weekend babysitting, perhaps these issues are at the root of the unrest as well.
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A
male
reader, zelgamer +, writes (6 September 2008):
 Talk to him about marriage counseling. That actually can help alot. You obviously want to still make the marriage work, if he does then talk to him about that.
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