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female
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*anishingviolet
writes: I recently split up with my boyfriend of 2 years on good terms just after we had both started at University. We both felt too young to remain in a long-distance relationship, and both hope to remain friends despite the split as we have a lot of friends in common though our school. My problem is though, I've got a major crush on one of my ex's best mates. We have a bit of history with each other, a couple of Christmases ago (before my boyfriend) the best friend told me he really liked me and that he'd fancied me since he first met me, and wanted things to go further. Thinking that it was just the time of the year, I completely dismissed him, and subsequently got with my ex-boyfriend.This summer I spent a lot of time with my ex and his best mate, and found that my feelings for him started to get really strong. I knew things weren't going well with my boyfriend, but his best mate sat me down and told me that I should get out of the relationship, that he didn't treat me with enough respect as I should be.Then last weekend it was my birthday, and both guys came home from University for it. It was really strange seeing my ex again, but only confirmed I'd made the right decision. I wish now though that I'd made the decision 2 years ago not to get with my ex, as I feel I have so much more in common with his mate, and I always wonder how things could have been.I really don't know how to sort this out, I don't know how he feels about me now, but he often rings me or texts me at Uni and makes me laugh and reminisce about things. If you have any answers, I'd really appreciate them!!
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best friend, christmas, crush, my ex, split up, text, university Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2005): First- dont just start dating the buddy and then present it as a fate a accomplished- then you run the risk of breaking up the friends and making the world a worse place. And he will wonder if you two were at it during his time with you.
Wait until you know he is in a relationship. Then have a open converation about your plan to date the friend with your ex-bf. Project open and honest while you are talking to him, not sheepish and sneaky. If he freaks or seems troubled , tell him not to worry, nothing has been decided and you will let him think the situation over on his own and talk to him in a week.
Letting him 'release' you, even though there is no intellectual reason why you should need to be released, will let things work out smoothly.
Oh and when you arrange the meeting with him, dont let there be a big build up of expectation in his mind. Like "Oh Bob, when you get home from school in 3 weeks we need to have a PRIVATE and PERSONAL conversation about SOMETHING that is very IMPORTANT to me." Thats bad.
A
female
reader, trixy +, writes (14 November 2005):
Life is to short for what ifs! Go for it girl, talk to him about how you feel, and it will go from there. GOOD LUCK!
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A
female
reader, beenthere +, writes (14 November 2005):
make a move girl. you and your ex split mutually. he'll be pleased you found someone who will treat you right
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