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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: OMG, I can't belive what has just happened, here's the deal...Me and my bf have had a few drinks, but we're not drunk. He made a joke in town about taking this girl home with us. We have a lot of dirty sex and we talk about other people in our sexual fantasies. Anyway, I made it clear to him that it is just fantasy and that it probably won't happen - threesomes etc - and he got really angry and said I was boring?!I feel furious. We are supposed to be buying a house and settling down together and now he is saying to me that he thought I was interesting and that he is going to get bored? He is a quirky guy, interesting, artistic, musician and I love him for that but I do not want to share him with anyone.Maybe he is just joking but i dont know what to do and feel like ending the relationship. I've had a few threesomes when I was younger and single and I did enjoy them but not too bothered about doing it agian. He has never had this experience and it seems he would like to experiment sexually. Your thoughts please, but nothing too harsh and judegmental please.
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female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (7 August 2011):
 Do not do something with him that you will regret later. It could be he is feeling left out that you had a threesome and he has not.
So march yourself down the road, you give him what he wants, a threesome. You don't care to ever have them again but you'll do it for him thinking he'll come to the same conclusion. Situation 1-he does and all is well, you two have shared an experience and can have loads to fantasize about.
Situation 2-he loves them, becomes addicted to them and wants them all the time. You game?
I don't think he's using you, or that he doesn't love you, etc. I do think he is sexually experimental and probably has an insatiable appetite. After a threesome, what's the next thing. That is what you have to ask yourself if you can live with.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi female anon, and thanks for your post. No, I knew ages ago that he was bi-cuirois and he told me ages ago that he wanted a threesome. We discussed it then and i siad it probably wouldnt happen and he left it. That is why i am so confused as to why he had this massive reaction last night. We had really good sex yesterday morning and were using fantasies, after we have had sex ai dont think about it agian but he obviously does.
Dont get the wrong idea; he does want to settle down and he does love me. I think you are right thouhg, he has not experienced threesomes like i have and i wish he had because they are not that great anyway! I mean, i am glad i experineced them, but not too bothered about doing it again.
I am actually starting to think i am going to do it with him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your answers, particularly Eddie85; after his behaviour last night i am really wondering if i want to be with him. It's a shame as i do love him and we were so close to settling down togther.
To the anon reader who thinks he is only staying for the sex, I dont think that is true. We have been through alot togther and there is more to our r'ship than sex. I also do not think i am being used, but if that's your opinion i hear that.
I am hoping it was the booze talking last night and he will be different when we see eachother again. I dont think i could go through a threesome with another woman. I am just worried that we will now split up over this now. I feel horrible, really sad.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2011): I think he is very jealous because you got to have threesomes and he didn't. If he knows all about your past and you have lots of 'dirty sex' with him, he probably thought he was on to a real 'goer' and with a bit of manipulating you could be talked into doing just about anything he wants!
Jealousy and his sex drive are spurring him on to want the more than you alone can give. I think this relationship means totally different things to both of you. I'm not sure how you didn't see it coming if he has always like fantasies of threesomes. I think he has been grooming you a little with these and waiting for the right moment to share his wishes. He was probably angry because things didn't go as well as he had planned. Wanting a threesomes with a man is another side he has kept hidden. You don't turn bi curious overnight, so hes kept that interest under wraps for a while! His true colours are showing now. He wants totally different things to what you want and i think sex will always be more important to him than your feelings. That has nothing to do with you getting old or being boring. You know what you want from this relationship and he is not interested in what you want. He has to have things how he wants them, that means having sex with other men and women. If that is not for you, you need to tell him straight and leave if he is not truly satisfied with you.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2011): I think no matter what he says or pretends he`s joking about,he believes you will be providing his life long fantasy one day. I am not entirely sure,but I think he`s there for the dirty sex and will go if it stopped. I do believe you do really know you are being used,but burying your head in the sand.
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male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (7 August 2011):
 I think you need to take a step back from this relationship and figure out exactly what type of guy you've gotten yourself involved with. While sex is meant to be fun, it is also meant to be respectful, caring and showing of love. Everyone has their limits on what they will do and won't do. It definitely sounds like your boyfriend's choices are much more broader than yours.If he is claiming that he is going to get bored in the relationship, I would certainly see that as a red flag -- if you were thinking of settling down with this man. Let's face it, many long-term couples do find their routines a little mundane. It's just a fact of life and from the tone of his excuse, it sounds like he could easily rationalize cheating.I am not sure there is an easy answer here. I'd let the dust settle, the hangover / rosy, booze-filled goggles fade a bit, and see where you stand in a while. But the important thing you need to discover -- and soon -- is whether this man is capable of a monogamous (and potentially monotonous) sexual life with absolutely just you.Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi. Unfortunately he wasnt joking and he was quite angry about it although he was a bit drunk. Maybe he'll take it all back tmro, I dont know. when we got home i was quite upset and emotional as he had said that i had teased him by talking about other people in bed and he was angry. I was like, 'Really? Shit! I thought it was obvious it was all just fantasy??!' We do talk about fantasies alot when we are having sex but I didnt realise he wanted to go through with it. We have had this discussion before and he let it go so i dont really understand why it has come up tonight and why he is being so bitchy and horrible about it? He said that he was going to get bored with me and that we would end up splitting up. So yeah, i was upset. He then started to watch a film and ignored me. I was still upset, emotional, you know, ok, shouting abit, wouldnt you??! I said we need to talk, you have just dropped a bombshell and i need to know what is going on. He refused to talk. So i asked him to leave. He was sulking and i felt to hurt to put up with it.I know what he can be like and i knew that the night was ruined and just wanted to be on my own to sort my head out. I have had threesomes and they were 'ok' but i was out of it on drugs at the time and that period of my life is so long ago now.I prefer one to one sex, it is so much better, sexier, intimate. I love sex! and i love it with him, we have admitted that the sex we have with eachother is the best we have ever had so what is the problem??!!I agree that it is his problem that he has not experineced it and to be honest he is acting like a spoilt kid and throwing his rattle out of the pram. He actually said that we would end up splitting up if i did not agree to involving other people in our sex life! I find this borderline abusive, not sure what others think here, and belive me, I am no high maintenance chick!Also, for the record, he is up for having threesomes with anoither girl but also another man as he is interested in experimenting with a guy too. The guy thing bothers me less and to be honest i would not even particularly want to get involved. Another girl? I WISH i could but i would just be too jealous and i dont think i would enjoy it. I fear it would ruin our relationship. Jeez, maybe i am boring and getting old after all!!?
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (7 August 2011):
It seems clear to me. You drew the line at your boundaries and he simply has to respect them if he wants to keep you. Simple. If that makes you boring he needs to learn a thing or two about how this world works. There aren't many women who'd happily share their man with another woman for the sake of a threesome and those that do often regret it afterwards. If he wanted to experiment with that stuff, he should have done it when he was still unattached. He didn't. Well, that's his problem, not yours. So simply tell him you're not going to change your mind on the subject and that there's nothing this girl can offer that you can't. There are so many exciting things to try with just the both of you, it'd be stupid of him to ruin everything just for a threesome. Having said all this it could just have been a sarcastic remark from his side that didn't mean anything at all. I wasn't there, I didn't hear his voice or watched his body language, so I'm just taking a stab in the dark here. But consider the possibility. Whatever you do, stick to your boundaries and NEVER cross them to please him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2011): Doesn't sound like love to me....
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