A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:my problem is my older sister will not talk to me at all because me and her 11 year old girl did some touching (you know) the thing is my older sister ha something similar to her happen when she was my age (11) she wont talk to me or my mom at all and told every one in my family now i feel uncomfortable wherever i go if it includes being around my family. i am now 12 and this is still going on what do i do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2008): First off, I feel that you need to go talk so someone who is NOT part of your family, to discuss why you thought that it was ok to touch your niece, even if she is the same age. Also I hope you have someone to talk to about your sexual urges, which are ok to feel and we all have (the only thing is that we normally don't carry them out with family)
Has something happened to you? and if so you need to let others know.
Secondly, your sister is very hurt right now. She is hurt by you and your actions (for which you need to take responsibility) and she is also hurting because she is probably reliving what happened to her when she was younger.
Thirdly, you need to give these types of situations time. Be aware that yes it's going to be awkward around your family but if god willing your family is supportive of you and your sisters situation you can and will heal.
A
female
reader, hello1  +, writes (21 January 2008):
 I don't feel sorry for you, being 12 your old enough to realise what you did was wrong. I think there's more to this story than your letting on...
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A
female
reader, Dawnie +, writes (21 January 2008):
 Well i felt sorry for you reading your post. What you have done is wrong but things like this are common. I presume your niece was a willing partner in this? You are both the same age and kids do experiment sometimes, however you need to speak to your mum and your sister and explain how you feel and how dreadfully sorry you are that this happened. I don't think it was fair that your sister went and told the family, this needs to be resolved between you and your sister, and your niece.
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A
female
reader, nicole5178 +, writes (21 January 2008):
 Even though it was a mistake, you've inappropriately touched your niece... which is fairly disturbing. You are still young, so over time this will pass, but you need to stop interacting with your sister's daughter like that. If you knew your sister was molested, why would even do something so similiar to her daughter. She's completely justified in being upset with you.Wait until you're older to make ammends. Right now, you're too young to convince her that you know how wrong what you did was. Until you're at least in high school, you're still a little kid to her, and the wound is too fresh. Until then... just treat your sister respectfully. Hopefully she's come around and start being friendly back. There's no need to tear apart more what already seems to be a fragile family. She'll recognize that eventually. She just needs time... lots of time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2008): there are a lot of factors going on here:
incest
young sexual activity
young sexual activity with your sister's daughter, where are your boundaries
your sister's own molestation
I'm not particularly sure why people pity your fooling around with your sister's daughter, I think it's fairly nauseating, not to mention insensitive and inappropriate. If I were you I'd emphasize the last two things, that it was a mistake, that you weren't being appropriate with this child and you were insensitive to respecting your sister likely NOT wanting her child molested at such a young age, at least not walking in on you two when it happened? Take the blame and admit responsibility and maybe after a while she can forgive you.
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A
female
reader, Devilish Angel +, writes (21 January 2008):
 I could really understand your sister's point of view. I know that when I have a child, I would protect her with all that I had. She is probably extremely hurt that you, her sister, was messing with her daughter. She probably also is very upset with her own daughter since she thinks of her daughter as a little girl(she still is) and this experience has caused her to see her daughter in a different light. If this had also happened to your sister at a similiar age, then she would be ashamed as a parent that she couldn't protect her child. Tell your sister you are sorry and that it hurts you very much that she feels that way. Her daughter also has to tell her that you were not the only one at fault. Then give her time to think about it and come to terms about it.
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (21 January 2008):
 I felt really sorry for you when I read this.
You are very young, and I think if you speak to most people, something will have happened in the past, that may be simular. So I shouldn't worry to much, about what has been said. The main thing is that your sister, although obviously cares for her child, has made you feel like its your fault. I presume that you didn't force her daughter to do this? , so you are both partly to blame.
At least you both realise that it was wrong and wont do it again. But have a word with your Mum, and tell her how hurt you are.
xx
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A
female
reader, tj1091 +, writes (21 January 2008):
I think your sister is probably just worried about her daughters well being, especially if it happened to her. it is common to do that sort of thing as a child, (playing doctors and nurses is the usual thing), it is a normal part of learning to grow up. Maybe you could try to explain to your sister that you are sorry, nothing was meant by it, and you are very hurt by the way she has told everyone?
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (21 January 2008):
 You could talk to your mum about it or let time heal all those hurts.In time , it will be forgotten.Do not be too sensitive. You are still young and people will forgive you.
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