A
male
age
36-40,
*edneck1
writes:ok so me and my girlfriend dont have as much time to spend together as we like because we dont live together yet, but we see each other as much as possible. But my girlfriend recently took an extra shift at work on one of the few times we had to see each other. I was bummed out but I didnt make a big deal about it, in fact the time of her going to work i surprised her by leaving flowers anda card on her car so when she got off work she would see that. The problem was she had to go back to school for a group thing that night, which i knew about, but we were gonna hang out oafter that cus thats when i got off work. So i brought extra clothes, calogne, everything i needed to look good for my girlfriend cus my job makes me smell of diesel. I get off work and call her to let her know i was done and she is still at school and now asking if we could just hang out the next day. I told her we can do what works best for her because i want her to finish school, i want to support her as much as possible, but im still kind of upset because in one day she kind of blew me off 2 times. So what im really asking i guess is am I in the wrong to be upset or am i justified and what i should do about it. Any advice is appreciated.
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male
reader, redneck1 +, writes (26 May 2011):
redneck1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for all the great advice, me and her talked about it and i told her why i was upset and bummed out and she understood why. Its just hard for me because we get to see each other like 2 or 3 times a week, her mother doesnt like me much, and we both go to school so when we get a chance to see each other it means alot to us. So its hard when she has so much homework and i get to see her like once or twice a week for only a short time. But i support her and i want her to do her best in school and i dont want to make things any harder for her. I know how hard it is to go to school i pay my own way from pocket for school and she gets it for free, full time university, and i want her to take advantage of it. I keep telling her when we cant hang out i understand, school needs to come first, we have the rest of our lives to be together, which she doesnt know it yet but i actually have a ring found for her, i just cant afford it yet lol. She picked it out and i went back and got the specifics for it and a special deal lol. Sorry i digress, but thanks again everyone you really helped alot :)
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (26 May 2011):
 You can feel upset and bummed out. It's not a crime to get bummed out, and it is quite understandable. You wanted to see her, you expected to see her, you went through the extra efforts and then... nothing. Who wouldn't be let down?
Then again, she had a reasonable excuse. She didn't blow you off because she'd rather do other things. She doesn't go to work or school because she thinks thats so much better than hanging out with you.
No one is right or wrong. This is what happens when people build up expectation and is let down. Probably your girlfriend was also let down, she wanted to hang out with you, but realized that it would not happen. She just realized a little too late.
What you tell her is that you are disappointed that you wont get to see her, but that you understand. You are disappointed because you care about her and want to spend more time with her, you wish to see her, like any good boyfriend will. So of course, when you can't you think it is sad. But then again, tell her you support her, want what is best for her, and you want her do get time to work and do her school-things, and have a promising future. Because as a good boyfriend you also want to consider her best interests.
All in all, you're a good boyfriend if you get disappointed, and you're a good boyfriend when you support her. Getting disappointed doesn't mean you want her to drop everything and come hang out with you. Disappointment is just a natural reaction, it doesn't mean anything other than describing how you feel around it.
You can talk to her about how you deal when you end up in these situations. Can they be dealt with in a better way? Can she let you know she wont make it to see you earlier in the day? Or can you agree to not meet when there is so little time, or when it is uncertain if she will have extra time? Can you arrange it so that if plans to meet don't work out, you call each other in the evening before bedtime to talk instead and hear about each others day's and what not? Like a substitute?
Just talk to her and find a way that works for you both so you will not feel too alone when she can't meet you. No one likes to feel "blown off" or ditched, no matter how good the excuse is. Just avoid using those words when you talk to her, as the proper (and more neutral) word is "the plan was canceled".
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A
male
reader, redneck1 +, writes (25 May 2011):
redneck1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell it wasnt her going to school it was her going back to school, she went to school earlier in the day then to work, then went back to do her group thing, and the shift wasnt required, her co worker asked her if she could take it so he could have the day off. and im not even upset about her doing those things because like i said i support her no matter what, i just think she knew we weren't gonna be able to hang out and that i deserved a call or a text to say it wasnt going to happen tonite. And also do you think i should have gone when she asked me to go, or did i do the right thing and let her do her class thing?
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (25 May 2011):
 I think you need to cut your girlfriend some slack here. Even though you are both a couple it doesnt mean that you should spend all your spare time together. Try and put yourself in her shoes and figure out how she was feeling. She done an extra shift at work instead of meeting up and my guess is that well its her job and it is also extra money for her. Then she had to go to school, yes am sure you where disappointed that she backed out of meeting up with you after it, but I bet she was probably wrecked and just wanted to relax after a long day. I think you should just let this go.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Honest  +, writes (25 May 2011):
 It sounds like your girlfriend has a lot on. Extra shifts at work, finishing up at school and it's lovely that you want to support her. It's always disapointing to have romantic plans cancelled, but even if it was twice, it was only one day, clearly a very busy one! I can understand that you feel a bit frustrated but don't jump the gun too much. If the problem continues and she keeps blowing you off repeatedly that would be the time to consider it a problem and have a conversation about it. Give her a chance before you get angry and if the problem persists, maybe then take it up with her.
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