A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Sorry this is a bit complicated:Back in January I met a guy through a friend,Lora, I didn't think much of him at first but then really got interested. We flirted for about two months before our first date; he took me out on my birthday while making it obvious that he spent time thinking about it.Then a couple of weeks later he starts avoiding me before and after our biology class (college). Then a couple more weeks pass by and he asks if we can talk. I saw it coming because of the way he was acting but it still hurt when he said that he wasn't looking for a relationship and he wanted to be friends (cliche). I smoothly say something along the lines that I wasn't looking for a relationship either and that it's no big deal if we're just friends. After telling him that I walk away trying to look unaffected from the back. We have a text conversation later and then he admits that he wasn't over his last gf even though she had used him to make her old boyfriend jealous. This drama happened half a year before I met him.The new quarter started and surprise we have another class together. It was very awkward until about ten days ago because we have a lot of mutual friends now and they keep inviting the both of us to go out and bbq, etc. I thought I was over him...but...When I talk to him I kind of tense up at times and during other times I'm relaxed. Today was the worst so far because our class was having an unofficial field trip at a local botanical garden and since I didn't have a car I needed to ask someone for a lift. I was assuming that Lora would be on campus but she wasn't. The only other person whose phone number I had was his. I started looking for him in the usual hang out places for him and I run into another friend of ours Greg. Eventually Greg and I find Him and start talking. At some point in the conversation we agree to go get some food. So when we get there He insists on paying and when He had the chance to sit down, after getting the food, next to Greg but chose to sit next me. My problem with that is that at multiple points I would turn my head to look him directly in the eye while talking and he would hold eye contact for longer than usual. I'm scared of that because 1) I still have feelings for him and 2) I don't want him to know that.Lora and I were talking about what's going on with His behavior and she says that he's trying to get things back to normal between the two of us...but there was never a "normal" friendship relationship between him and I when we met. He's acting the way he did when we were flirting but I don't know if he means to come across that way. Now that you know the situation here are my questions: should I continue trying to be his friend? should I also admit that I still have feelings for him?
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female
reader, Dear Mandy  +, writes (4 June 2011):
 HI
And that is the best thing to do here hun.
He will, as you know you dont flirt with someone if you just want to stay freinds. So he is starting to feel more and more comfortable with you again, just stick with it and let him come to you . xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Dear Mandy! I've decided not to tell him how I feel but he's started flirting more obviously. I'm going to wait until he comes to me about what he thinks about us dating.
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (25 May 2011):
Hi
I wouldn't tell him your feelings just yet. Just continue to be freinds if you can for now. He was obviously hurt by his ex, and when he first got with you it probally scared him, as he dont wont to feel that pain again. My guess is his falling for you, but is weary after you also said you were just looking to be friends. ( I know you will be thinking, well I should tell him then ) but no, his slowly working his way back to you, give it a little more time, because then that time would be right, for both of you
xx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2011): Hon, I would stop analysing his behaviour because he said clearly he does not want a relationship and that means with YOU. He was a stand up guy about it and didn't take the cowardly way out by not saying anything, leaving you to interpret his behaviour. You don't have to interpret, he likes you as a friend and that's all...end of story...straight from the horse's mouth..no interpretation necessary.
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