A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with my boyfriend of 11 months almost a year ago. I didn't hear from him for 4 months afterwards, and then he got in contact asking how I was. I was already seeing someone else by then, who I like a lot.The problem is, we kept talking after that, sending messages on Facebook. Nothing big, just what was going on in our lives. I didn't think of it as cheating, just as talking to a friend, since I didn't think I had feelings for him anymore.Well, last week, he asked if I wanted to get back together. I'm still seeing the same boy as before, though, and it's going really well. I told my ex I just wanted to be friends and he, fairly bluntly, said no.I understand why, but for some reason it really hurt. It actually made me cry to see that and realize he didn't really want to see me anymore if it wasn't as his girlfriend. And I realized I still have feelings for him that I buried when we broke up. It took me about 6 months to really get over him...even though I started seeing someone else. And now I wonder if I ever really did. I miss him. I don't want to end things when they're going so well with my current boyfriend, but I don't know if I can keep going when I can't stop thinking about my ex. Help! I love them both.
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female
reader, Dear Mandy  +, writes (25 May 2011):
 HI
your ex is playing the control freak, he can see your happy, and dont like it's not with him. If you brokeup with your partner now, and things dont work out with your ex, you would be gutted you let such a great guy go. Dont let your ex ruin that. if he is immature enough that he cant just be freinds, then he is not worth knowing. It's not love you have for your ex, it's more of a I WONDR IF....which is making you think its love. You say you love your partner who your with now, does he deserve to be dumped and made to feel second best? or does he deserve to be loved as much as he loves you? I hope you make the right choice. xx
A
female
reader, Aunty Honest +, writes (25 May 2011):
 What a difficult situation. I think a lot of it depends on why you broke up in the first place? If it was a situation beyond your control or if there was a deeper problem. If you broke up because one of you wasn't getting something from the other or you were incompatible in some way, then those flaws will still be there if you did get back with him. Think carefully because often we look back and idealise certain relationships and you might come to realise that there was a reason you broke up in the first place. To be feeling and thinking this way, as horrible as it sounds, probably means you're not as crazy about your current boyfriend as you could be. If you were head over heels getting everything you needed and had that extra something that keeps you hooked with someone, I don't thik you'd be getting upset about your ex or thinking as much about your past. Imagine if he was thinking that way about someone else, would you want to still be with him? However, don't make any rash decisions, think carefully and take your time, if the feelings don't go away then perhaps you have your answer.
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