A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:last night i was chatting with my boyfriend on msn and while we were talking about sex I was kidding when I said to him that I just act like I'm pleased after sex with him and I do it just not to make him feel bad. Surely I was just kiding and it was just a joke, but he didn't take it as a joke as I was pretty serious when I said that.. He said to me ok than find better and said that he doesn't ever want to have sex with me again, I tried to explain but he didn't listen, he said just write but I won't read it, I called him on phone to explain that it was just a joke but he doesn't belive me.. I sweared and things like that but it was just in vain.. how can I make it to manage that stupid thing I've done and prove him that evrything is great, I know that when I'll try to talk about it he'll say to me nooo, ur a great actress and things like that..What should I do to prove him that I'm very pleased with him and that it was just a stupid joke?? plz helpp..
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (27 June 2008):
 OOOoohhh! No!
Even after being in bed with the same guy for 35 years, I would even go there! Guys are so sensitive about anything to do with how they perform in bed. It's the one thing that they will be extremely sensitive about, and they will remember a slight about it for a long time, because they DON'T take ANYTHING that you say about sex in a joking manner. The jokes that you say in bed have to be mutual, and never directed at performance or at each other or at body parts... Yep, they do not take jokes about performance or size as something that is funny, because they are always worried that there COULD be some truth in it.
How to apologize - obviously, let him cool off and apologize, once twice and three times, until he believes the sincerity in your apology, as many times as it takes. Then ask him how you can make it up to him and promise him that he is wonderful in bed and everything that you have ever wanted in a lover.
If you go to WikiHow - there is a great article on how to apologize that may have some tips for you too. I'm sure that if you are sleeping together, he loves you enough to come around after this misunderstanding, but you do have to realize that you did hurt his feelings in THE most personal way. Good Luck, Hunny.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (27 June 2008):
 To what the rest of the people have said, I can only add that your words may have sounded like a joke to you, but they didn't sound like a joke to him. I wouldn't reduce this problem to "his hurt ego" or "your carelessness". It didn't sound like a joke, dear.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2008): You have just learned a hard lesson. Never make jokes about a partner's ability as a lover, whether it be man or woman. Never make a joke about a man's penis size or a woman's boobs or butt or body in any way. Men are even more sensitive about their lovemaking ability than women are because a woman's enjoyment of sex is very dependent on the man's ability. A man will have an orgasm no matter how bad the woman is, but that is not true the other way around. It is difficult for a man to fake an orgasm, but women who can act well can fake orgasms.
Once you are in a realtionship for a long time then certain jokes can be acceptable. For instance, my wife will sometimes say, "That's such a cute little thing." and I will comment on her big butt and we just laugh because we know that neither is true. However, we have been having sex for 29 years and know each other very well. We didn't make jokes like this for several years together, maybe longer. I made the mistake of joking about her age early in our relationship. She was younger that me, but I didn't know that she was already feeling old at the age of 33 after her divorce. I thought it harmless, but it did not help her feelings about herself. Fortunately, it didn't damage our relationship.
I think that you have done the damage already. You might be able to get him back with an apology and explanation, but he will never feel the same about any lovemaking. It will take him a long time to gain any confidence back. The sex will not be as good as it was. It sounds like you will lose him over this, so I hope you have learned a lesson. You are certainly not the only person to make a mistake like this. I would guess that everyone has made a similar mistake at least once in their lives. As one person on another message board writes, "If we get smarter by our mistakes, then I must be a genius."
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A
female
reader, lexilou +, writes (27 June 2008):
 Have you not heard of the saying, 'Many a true word spoken in jest' ?
Usually when we make a joke there is often some truth behind it and Im sure now he doesnt know what to believe.
Only he can decide to forgive you so you have a lot of grovelling to do. Admit that it was stupid and you were just having a laugh but the rest Im afraid is down to him x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2008): Yes you shouldn't have said it! But if he dosen't get over it and your dumped for it! well this guy obviously didn't like you as much as you liked him. You know, lesson learnt at least
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (27 June 2008):
 Oh dear, why didn't you just say he had a tiny penis, would have been quicker.
There are something you just do NOT say.
Imagine how you would have felt if he had done the same thing.
Or if he had said that your vagina smells. That you are to loose for him. That you suck at sucking. That your breasts are too small/big/uneven. How would that make you feel?
Guys are under a lot of pressure to perform and we know women can fake it. For a lot of men it is big insecurity that women know about and will happily use against them.
And you did it as a joke...
And now for the problem in fixing this. You want to tell him that what you said was a lie. How is he to know that isn't a lie? For a laugh you introduced mis-trust into your relationship. Might I at this point suggest that you do not joke about cheating in the future?
Maybe he will come around, maybe he won't. Whatever you do, do never again underestimate the fragility of the human ego when it comes to sex.
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (27 June 2008):
 Hi,
At first I thought about your B/F and how upset he was, and was tempted to say "Tell him to grow up, cant he take a bloody joke". But then I thought what if he said something like that to you. i.e You look like a sack of spuds when we have sex! or you just lay there, why dont you put in some effort. When you think about it, it's a pretty big pill to swallow. You have done your best and made your apoligies, so that's all you can do. Leave him to calm down a little and it may blow over.
Best wishes XX
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A
male
reader, ChiRaven  +, writes (27 June 2008):
 OK. Lesson #1. NEVER hit a guy there unless you mean it. Many guys are too sensitive about stuff like that, especially when they are too young to have developed a strong sense of their own sexual capabilities. If your guy were 15 years older and had maybe three or four relationships behind him in which he knew his partner had been satisfied, he would probably have been willing to accept your apology readily. But I think you hit a deep nerve with him.
Whether you can recover from this or not is very hard to say. If you can communicate with him, the important thing is to let him know that you DO treasure the times you had with him and really want to have more. That you're sorry, I think, you've already told him, but you should repeat it.
Either way, you're going to have to accept his decision in this. If he's a big enough person to see past his own hurt, you'll have a chance to do some fence-mending and move on with your relationship. If you do get that chance, be SURE you don't let your mouth go into business for itself before your brain has a chance to consider consequences again. And if you can't reconnect with this guy, consider this a lesson learned, the hard way, for the future.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2008): tell him that it honestly was a joke u promise that u would not do anything like that again and just say "u kno i love u baby" watch him soften up lol
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