A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I made a huge mistake of going back to my ex, falling in love with him again and getting dumped by him again. It all started 3 years ago when he dumped me for someone else. It was heartbreaking and it took 18 months until I was fully over it. Then earlier this year he and this girl split and I stupidly decide to meet him. He told me she was a mistake and he was blinded by love, but now he hates her and I really believed that he had realised that he had made a mistake and started seeing him again. But last week he finished it saying hes not ready to commit and he doesnt want to get too close to me. I believe tho that hes met someone else and this is his excuse for finishing it as he doesnt want to hurt me again. But it has hurt me bad. Theres so many emotions i feel its like my head will explode - anger, pain, humiliation, jealousy, shame, foolishness. Ive done nothing but cry for the last 2 days. I cant understannd why I love this person so much when he doesnt love me and has been using me. Whats worse is knowing that I should of never of gone back anyway and most of this pain is probably my own doing. I cant talk to my friends because they just say "i told you so. Get over him" YesI know I made a mistake but hearing that does not make me feel any better. Also, the first time we split getting over him was the most painful thing in my life, i was so happy when i got through a day and realise I hadnt thought of him once.I used to be able to walk past him in the street and not get butterflies. I wish more than anything that I had never gone back to him. The only things that I want to do now is sleep or get drunk cos it makes me feel numb. The ony thing I think I can do is move away. I know its drastic but all I want is to never see him or hear from him again. Im hurting so much, I dont know what to do.
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (18 August 2008):
 Hi, sorry to hear you're hurting. You do need to reach out to your friends and family, as they are your support system. Just tell them that you know you made a mistake and that you've beaten yourself up about it, they don't need to pile on and compound things by lecturing you or saying 'I told you so.' Tell them that you need them to keep you busy and keep your mind occupied.
You should stop the alcohol self-medication as it is a depressant and will only continue to make you feel worse. Just because it erases the hurt for a few hours isn't a good reason to use it. Sleeping a lot is also a defense mechanism to avoid dealing with the pain.
I think you need to just experience the hurt and pain for one scheduled day. Rent breaking up DVDs, put all the sad songs you know on the iPod, buy tons of chocolate, boxes of facial tissue and a small metal wastebasket and a book of matches. Wash your favorite pair of fluffy pajamas, oh and buy a pair of fur topped mules (you know, little girly slippers), nail polish and a manicure set.
Invite your best girlfriends over for a sleepover and have a DUMP the JERK party. Make a non-alcoholic punch drink, again, the idea is to have a night of girl-power.
Then WALLOW, wallow in your sadness, cry a bucket if you have to, sing along with the sad songs, watch that sad movie. Then as the day progresses, start to do the pampering thing. Do each other's nails, hair and try on all the outfits that make you feel like a million bucks (that would be half a million pounds to you lot in the UK). Gather all the photos and mementos of him, take that metal waste basket into the bath, with the shower ready if needed, then set them alight! Have a little teeny bonfire. If you have loads of flammable material, be sensible and only do a little at a time. Don't want to get the firemen involved in your girlpower party. Hmmm, though a couple of handsome firemen might be just the thing to have at the party. Oh, never mind that.
I know this all sounds crazy, what I'm trying to give you is the permission to grieve the end of the relationship, forgive yourself for being human, let your girlfriends know that you do need them and that they can help you. Sometimes rituals help the grief process, in fact that's one of the reasons we have these elaborate funeral rites.
Does that all make sense?
Don't move in a rash decision. You have to get your mind balanced and strong before you make any big decisions like that. Get some exercise, some healthy food in the fridge and cut out the alcohol for now. You can go back to wine or champagne the day you feel better. ;)
Read this article too, even though it's written from the standpoint of someone who did the dumping, it's still useful and filled with logical advice.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-to-get-over-your-ex.html
Hope you feel better soon, you WILL survive this, you WILL feel better and this will help you in future relationships if you learn the bitter lessons.
A
female
reader, :):):) +, writes (17 August 2008):
Everyone makes mistakes, especially where relationships are concerned. If you hadn't met again you'd only be wondering what might have happened.
Its still early days and I promise you now is the worst time, but you got over him before and you can again in time.
This is your chance to put everything behind you and start again. Moving away isnt the answer, but a break might help clear your mind.
xxx
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