A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I've been going out with this guy for about 10 months now. He is wonderful---never pressures me to do anything I don't want to do, telling me how he loves just being with me, he's sweet, incredibly attractive, adorably shy, and always tells me how I can tell him anything...And that's where the problem comes in..He can SOMETIMES unintentionally say some insensitive things that, for me personally, strike a nerve in me. For instance, once he said---in attempt to tell me how he liked the way I looked---"would it make you happy if I told you, that I like how much you don't weigh?" This definitely made me feel under pressure to stay at/below my current weight; and another time I was telling him how I was afraid for the future and pregnancy, how my mom had gained 30 lbs during her pregnancy and that I definitely did not want that to happen to me---and he added "Ya, no thank you." This, likewise, made me feel as though if I were to gain weight, he would not be happy with me anymore? Perhaps this may sound like just being overly sensitive to some---but being anorexic, comments like these definitely hit me hard...which leads me to my ultimate predicament...he doesn't know I have a problem, but always wants me to be completely honest with him and stresses that I tell him my problems and his likewise. But I can't help but feel that I would be judged by him, because he's made jokes and such about eating disorders before..but we plan on continuing our relationship through college; we're very serious about it---so I feel like he should know...Is it okay to hide some things forever, no matter how strong the love between two people is?
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (17 August 2008):
 You are right. He WILL judge you. Not because telling him would be a bad thing, but because he is an idiot to be judging women (and people) for their challenges (including eating disorders.
Why the hell would you stay with a man that is this judgmental and emotionally abusive? Esp given you have an eating disorder. It would not matter that you did or did not have it. You are not being too sensitive; the guy you are dating is just a (word deleted).
I think the real issue you need to question is why of all the other guys you could be dating, THIS is the guy you go with? Your challenge will not go away, and it is only a matter of time before he insults and or leaves you.
Find someone else. He sounds like the kind of guy that would further aggravate your disorder in order to control you.
Lastly, I can understand you not wanting to tell him at first, but 10 months together (with the potential of it getting more serious) and not mentioning it makes you just as wrong. You are hoping that he falls in love with you so that it won't matter...instead of finding someone that it would not matter and letting love happen then.
-Frank B Kermit
http://www.franktalks.com
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2008): I think u shud speak to him bcos he may not realise how sensitive you are about it.i had bulimia for a short while and was very sensitive to what anyone said but when i told my boyf he was supportive for me.sounds like u two are strong together and maybe hes worried tht sumits wrng and thats why he says u can tell him anything,he wants u to,gd luck x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2008): this is actualy quite similar to me and my ex girlfriend (no we didnt break up becuase of it, its cos she cheated on me later)
i think your are reading too much into the things your boyfriend says so that subconciosly you can find reason not to tell him. he sounds abit like me actually, im quite blunt and im a guy, its just the kind of things we say sometimes but it doesnt mean it rules how we act, it sounds like your a happy couple and serious about it so i wouldnt worry about him running off.
i had been dating my girlfriend for about 5 months when she told me she was bulemic, i was annoyed at first so be prepared for that, but it goes away, i promise. i was annoyed because (and he will be annoyed because) it sounds like you dont think your good enough for us and it makes us feel responsible, maybe it is partly because of him, and its something he'l want to change.ultimately it was a very serious thing to be going through and by sharing it with me it made us stronger, and i actualy helped her get past her insecurites and she stopped something shed been doing for years.
itl be better for both of you to tell him.
i hope iv helped you
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