| A
female
age
36-40,
*nderappreciated
writes: I have been with my boyfriend for a year, my senior year of high school as well as this past summer and our first semester at our individual colleges -- mine in North Carolina and his in Washington DC. I have been head over heels for this guy -- he handsome and strong, smart and was sensitive and listened to and sheltered me to help me move beyond my abusive past. However, it feels like hes completely changed. For the months during the summer we spent every moment together, even sleeping. Things were idealic, though not exactly because he broke up with me twice. So, I thought the difference in his behavior was just because we weren't physically together -- as sex has always been a large part of our relationship. However, now whenever he comes home I'm still grappling for him to be romantic or want to spend time with me, instead me makes me feel like I'm needy and almost like I'm a burden. Its terrible and I'm constantly sad. The only problem is, I truly love this guy, I could see myself with him forever, the way he was. So, no matter how many times he's mean or ignores me or blows me off...I tolerate it for the few good moments. I just can't seem to find my independence and can't imagine not having him to call or hold, even if our interaction is wholely unfulfilling. I don't know how anyone can help me...I just need to reach out and hope someone can help me change him, or realize he isn't worth it and help me find the strength to move on...I need some help so badly, I know this relationship is horrid, I just keep dreaming things will go back to the way they were.Please help.
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female
reader, rammsteinfan  +, writes (31 December 2006):
 You said that you love this guy, but he has changed. You want him to be more romantic...but dream of things being the way they used to.
I have a good idea for you to do. The next time you and him have a talk tape record it (don't let him see it) and then later on play it back and see how you amd him sound like. See how you sound talking to him...you might be surprised how you sound like and how he hears you...you might be nagging at him and not knowing it. My friend told me not to nag...and I said hey I am not nsgging just talking to you! Nagging? So I taped the next time we had a talk....OMG he was right!! try it
Also you want him to be more romantic...be romantic towards him, too. I hope that I helped at least a little bit and I hope that everything goes alot better for you two!! HUGS
A
female
reader, anitadarling +, writes (31 December 2006):
 whoa..sounds like you been going through it a bit chick!
Firstly have to tried talking to this guy about how you are feeling? if you havent then he may not even be aware of how unhappy he is making you.
i understand that sex is a big part of a relationship...but its not the most important thing..if you cant talk and work things out then what can you do?
it certainly seems like you feel you have found 'mr perfect'. and maybe he was to start with...but people change and i dont think they realise how much it can hurt others.
from being abused as a youngster you are probably just craving to be loved because of how worthless you once felt. but you were never worthless...and people will always love you.
im not going to gtell you to dump this guy..but im also not going to say that things will work out because i dont want you to be disapointed.
in the summer just gone i fell in love with a guy called ryan. he made me feel amazing and i felt like i wa on cloud 9 all of the time. but he also started to change as your boyfriend is. i started to feel so low yet so smitten at the same time.
i decided i needed to talk to ryan about how i was feeling and he made me feel like a stupid little girl. it then hit me that he didnt care about me as much as i cared about him.
i have heard people say what it is to be heartbroken...but i never really understood it..until then...it actually felt like my heart was being ripped in half.
then someone said something to me. now you dont have to be religious to think about this...but somebody said 'the lord will never give you anymore than you can cope with'.
there are plenty of other fishes in the sea. maybe you just picked one that wasnt sparkly enough.
talk to him. tell him how he is making you feel. if he really loves you then he will try to change...but if he isnt prepared to change...then you might aswell walk away before you get hurt even more.
good luck chick
xx
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