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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: How can us girls tell if a guy is sincere and genuine in what he says? I read many problems where the guy is fantastic to start with and then becomes cold and distant and changes beyond all recognition to someone the girl hardly recognises. I am one such casualty. What makes this worse is that this was the son of a family friend. He has been absolutely incredible. He really boosted my confidence and he was the only man I have ever truly felt I could be myself with. I had known him since he was born (23 yrs ago) and became close friends with him at the beginning of the year so I thought that must be long enough to have known someone to build up a strong relationship with. He was serious about me (he was talking long term, marriage and kids) but after we made love for the first time in November (we had been gf/bf for 2 months by then) he started becoming distant and ignoring me. If you don't know someone well after 23 years, what hope have the rest of us got?!?!? Now I'm thinking was everything he said rubbish? and I'll never be able to trust anything a guy says to me again. I am devastated because I feel like he used me for sex and I thought he was a sure fire winner.I know he was deeply gutted by the breakdown of his previous relationship; she cheated on him and wondered if he feared intimacy again because he would hint that he wanted me to kiss him and then pull away.
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female
reader, rammsteinfan  +, writes (31 December 2006):
 I am in the same boat as you are!! I sometimes feel that I am too trusting...then when I care about someone they shake my trust to the core.
But you said everything in this relationship with him was really sooo good, but that all changed when you two made love.
I don't think that you have anything to worry about. I think that he does still have feelings for you. I think that his feelings for you are much more stronger than what he felt in his past relationship that tore him to the very core...He is afraid of losing again...so he is putting up a "sheild" in order not to hurt like he did. Just give him time be patient with him. Things will work out for you..Please let me know how things go, ok?.Prayers and Hugs to you both!!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2006): Yours isn't just a problem for girls. I too am a little skeptical in believing in what people say and instead try and look at their actions instead.
The only way really to know if someone is being genuine is to wait until your relationship or friendship gets to a "testing" time. e.g. you have an argument, or are faced with a problem in which they can walk away. If they make the choices to choose you over walking away then you can be assured they are genuine.
On the whole though I'd say take words with a pinch of salt. People all too easily get caught up with lovey dovey romantic feelings and spurt out dreamy ideal notions. Perhaps though I am turning in to a relationship skeptic... :)
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