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male
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anonymous
writes: Please someone sort me out!!I'm with a beautiful woman whom I love very much. We've been together for almost 4 years now and we are soon to wed.We have a great sex life and I am never left feeling unfulfilled. But for some crazy, insane reason, I can't stop feeling turned on by the idea of her with another guy!!She has never cheated on me, and doesn't even flirt with anyone. She is as loyal and devoted as a partner could be, as am I to her.But I dont get it!? This is something I've had in my mind for years, and whilst I've joked about it a little with her, sort of testing her reaction to it, I've never asked it!I love the fantasy, but I am VERY sure I dont want this to ever happen in real life. But I can't stop thinking about it!I feel it will start to badly affect our relationship soon if I dont knock this on the head.I'm beginning to have erection problems, coz I'm starting to feel that I somehow can only get it up if I see her with someone...What the HECK is that all about?!?:( :( :(P.s. Sorry for the length of this email, I just didn't see any way to post it shorter given the circumstance.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2006): Btw Snowbird, im not sooooo sure how to approach my GP and ask him to refer me to someone regarding me wanting to see my girl with another bloke?!
Hehehe. I know what you were saying though, and thanks.
I'm all over the internet now trying to figure this out and guide different guidance on this.
I love my girlfriend, and these 'thoughts' are disturbing me to say the least. I've plenty of other fantasies that are nice and normal, but this one seems way too dominate.
Thankyou again everyone. I'll try and work this out!
A
female
reader, snowbird  +, writes (15 September 2006):
 O, that IS a relief!!
I've been worrying about that posting - not really out to shock anyone...but it WAS hard to resist!!...(tee-hee)..
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2006): LOL @ Snowbird!!
Hun, I've a sense of humour, you're alright! I reckon im still ok until till 'this thing' takes over that too!
Shock therapy....hmmm...I'm thinking hehe
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A
female
reader, snowbird +, writes (14 September 2006):
Buy a rubber hammer, and use it as an aversion therapy tool, and give your erect knob a thwack with it if it came about whilst having that bad thought (ouch!) - that outta do it.., Oh, I don't know, just an idea I came up with. Only a giggle, not making light of your situation, hope I did'nt offend you!
Seriously, though, how about some kind of therapy - perhaps your GP can refer you to someone?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2006): "you seem like you're not content with just living with this fantasy. rather, you want to get rid of it for good because it's controlling your life"
That about sums it up yes. As for where it started, I've had it in my mind to some degree ever since I've had my first relationship.
Its freaking me out, coz its not something I am at all comfortable with. I dont like finding myself 'joking' about my girl with another bloke, but all too often, I do.
I know she is picking up on this as well.
This is not a fantasy that I want in real life. Not with anyone, let alone someone im so in love with.
Argggh...I don't know! Just a head wrecker! But as its having an effect now on the quality of my sex life with the woman I love, I'm now getting very concerned about it.
Thankyou again everyone for your time and your comments. They are helping me out greatly.
Please keep them coming, hopefully someone will say something thats just going to 'trigger' a turn off switch or something! (I can hope!)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2006): you seem like you're not content with just living with this fantasy. rather, you want to get rid of it for good because it's controlling your life. so i'd suggest trying to get to the root of the problem. think back long and hard and try and figure out where this fetish came from in the first place. you mentioned years ago, having this fixation on two guys and a girl, but what triggered this? did you maybe watch a porn, or hear about a friend that did this, etc? whatever it was, if you can recall it, i think will bring some light on this situation. because if you know where it came from, and how it began, perhaps you can go back and change it. or if nothing else, at least knowing where it originated may take the 'fantasy' out of it, and dull it down a bit. i wish you the best.
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A
female
reader, hunney +, writes (13 September 2006):
hey mate you wanna hear something even more bizarre? when i was married i used to have thoughts about my man being with another man that used to turn me on rotton but if i ever ever seen him with another man i would have hit the roof if ya know what i meen. dont sweat about it it is normal to have strange fantasies about strange things after all we are all human with active brains
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2006): Thanks for the advice. I do appreciate it greatly.
I have every respect and high regard for my gf. And I would never do anything to trick her or provoke her.
Years ago, I had this fantasy about 2 guys and one girl, and on and off its come and gone in my mind. And always JUST as a fantasy.
But these past 2 or 3 years, its a single fixation that I just cant shake off!
I can't talk to her about it, coz I dont want her thinking that im some sort of sex fiend or pervert. I know from reading in here that alot of couples have had this reality and enjoyed it. But again for me, its a fantasy that I dont even want as a fantasy let alone a reality.
I just can't ever concentrate on anything else!
Its putting me insane!
Someone please give me a tip or something on how to simple start switching off the whole idea! I dont want it.
I avoid pornography and 'flirting' with the idea of it in jovial conversations.
How do you distract such a thing??
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A
female
reader, Angel_A +, writes (13 September 2006):
 Fantasies are healthy - but sometimes they are best left as just that.
Many women fantasise about being with another woman, but in reality they wouldn't want to carry this out - our fantasies enable us to think about things that in our minds are taboo, risque or perhaps a bit "fetish". I quite like the idea of being taken roughly by a visiting electrician lmao - but in reality I'd probably run a mile!!!
Enjoy the fantasy, maybe even role play with your girlfriend and get her to wear a blindfold and act out your fantasy as you being the "other man" - she may say no and you'll have to respect this, but there are lots of ways to have fun without doing something that may adversely affect your relationship.
x
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A
female
reader, snowbird +, writes (13 September 2006):
Trust me, it's a fantasy - and as such, it should remain where it is - in your head. Use it to make you feel horny if you need to, but don't ruin a beautiful relationship by acting upon it. You could destroy all the trust she has in you, and you need to ask yourself, what more could you possibly want!?
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