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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi,My ex boyfriend and I are trying to be together again. We went out for 3 months, he broke up with me for 2 months because of issues with his ex, and we have now been back in contact and dating for 2.5 months. So ive really not known him that long. Anyway, last weekend he said to me he wanted to try to be a better boyfriend, asking what he could do better, and was talking about me moving in with him, and scarily asked what I would think if he asked me to marry him in 6 months time. This is all very kind and nice of him, but I told him I needed time to regain the trust first, before either of those things would happen.So my question really is, is it ok for me to just carry on dating him and seeing where it goes, or second time round should I be laying down the ground rules of what I think is needed in a relationship more? Obviously if i think something is going wrong again i will say so straight away. We are starting off seeing each other once or twice a week. Most of me just wants to go out and have fun with him on our dates and see what happens without having to have 'chats' about where it is going all the time. There is a bit of me though that keeps me awake at night, thinking I should be saying what I need in a boyfriend and if he doesnt act that way I should leave him. BUT i dont want to tell him what to do, i want to see what he wants to do. Do you know what i mean? Just looking for some reassurance or guidance really, hes the first man ive fallen for, so im not used to relationships.
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female
reader, Tinkz  +, writes (13 September 2006):
 Well it's actually a very clear cut solution.
he hurt you and you need time to regaint that trust, tell him. how will he know what the problem is if you don't tell him! sometimes it's true what men say about women, we always expect to know whats going on in side our heads. And that does cause problems because it's our heads and it's inside, it's like trying to find out whats inside a closed box. Let him know that you want time to learn to trust him. tell him you want to tak things slow. tell him you want to take things one day at a time and on occasion let him tell you how he feels, about what he wants for the future. that way you will also know his intentions, and that is good cause you can find out if he is really commited to you or not. If he doesn't listen then tell him that it's either he does something about his listening issue or he leaves.
I don't think it will come to that men actually do listen at times, maybe selectively but they do listen!
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