A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm quite confused on what to do at the moment. I realized a couple of weeks backs that I've actually fallen quite hard for someone I work with. We've spent a bit of time together both at work and outside of work. It seems like she has feelings for me as well but she may not see me more than just a friend. Honestly, I wish this was easier.Anyway, I would have no problems saying how I feel in ordinary circumstances but the problem is that this person is moving away in the next month so I'm not sure what my chances are to ever see her again.Would it be selfish of me to tell her how I feel about her even if she's leaving? Should I just accept the fact that she is and hope that maybe one day our paths will cross again?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry for the late reply. I never told her how I feel but we keep in contact far more than is probably healthy for me. I'm still very much in love with her and we communicate almost daily. I haven't had the guts to tell her how I feel if only because I still don't know what she sees me as and the fact that she's now living quite a distance away. It's actually been quite confusing for me especially lately because one day she'll can't stop hearing from me and then the next she's distant. I'll get the random emails when she gets home from partying that she would love for me to visit but then when I try planning for it she tells me it's not a good time
I think she just likes the attention. And while I should distance myself away from this, my feelings get the better of me every time.
And you're right life is too short - I think the better move for me would be to move on. I just can't help feeling that I've met the person that I've been looking for such a long time.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2009): i'd been in a similar situation some years ago but i was the person moving away. i'd had feelings for a friend of mine for years but never said anything and neither did he. the day before i moved he kissed me and it completely shocked me because he'd never said anything before then and it was almost like he'd felt he'd never get the chance to tell me again and just jumped in there. i was thrilled that he felt something for me, but by then it was too late, i'd already bought my new house and had work etc lined up to go to and i just couldn't stay. suffice to say, i moved away for 4 years. by the time i came back he'd had 2 children with his partner and we were long over whatever it was we had between us but things could have been so very different if he's had the nerve to tell me just that little bit sooner. we're a long time dead and life is too short not to take chances. i know this question is from may 2008 but i'd really love to know how this worked out!!
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A
male
reader, Uncle Sneaker  +, writes (14 May 2008):
 Not selfish at all to tell her.If nothing else happens before she leaves, then tell her a few days before she goes but don't make a big thing of it. Perhaps something like "I'm going to miss you very much. We could have got so much closer if you weren't going. I hope we meet again."That would be enough. It's not like you were trying to stop her going (which would be selfish). It's just enough to say that she is special, and to give her the opportunity to stay in touch, and perhaps if she too feels something, to make the effort to come back some time in the future.
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A
male
reader, WastedLife +, writes (14 May 2008):
Most all regrets are about the chance never taken! Wishin' and hopin' are the paths to rigor mortis. Best to let her know you two like each other and were obviously meant to know each other better, so best to get on with it. Go for coffee, dinner, or whatever with the possibility of an open ended date. She may well have a boyfriend, etc., elsewhere that she never mentioned. Again, she may not. Life is a risk, and the biggest risk is that you never do anything and lose everything. Since she is leaving, there is no risk of work related romance or "sexual harassment" HR problems. See where it goes - she may be open to you since there is really nothing for her to lose. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (14 May 2008):
 If she is leaving, it means that she has treated you like an ordinary colleague and nothing more.
If she had feelings for you , she would not want to leave.
It would be better for her to leave with some good memories
of your friendship and do not complicate this friendship.
If fate decided that your path crossed again ,
it means that you are meant for each other.
You still have a month to decide whether to tell her or not.
Anything can happen.
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