A
female
age
36-40,
*omeone07
writes:I am pregnent and is about to get married. I am in love but i dont think he loves me back. he tells me he loves me but he doesnt show it. he breaks all his promis he doesnt call to check up on me. i barily see him. he always say hes busy farming. pretty much he doesnt have the time for me. but he has the time to go workout with his cusins and tex me go watch wresling but no time to call me. Yet he say he love me. i dont think he does. i dont know what to do. please anyone out there can you please help me Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2008): Wow hold the tellephone. I missed the part about broken promises. You can't have a viable relationship with a man that breaks promises. Last time a man broke his promise to me I told him not to do it again or were finished. Can you afford to do this?I was trying to explain how your husband was feeling. It's not a question (I feel of not loving you) a way to make sense of the situation. But that dosen't mean your feelings aren't important. Who wants to marry a lying, drunken, idiot who puts his friends feelings first and puts his wife last. The only reason is that you love him, he tells you he loves you, his marrying you, he's trying to provide for you.We don't want you to get upset, your pregnant and about to get married to the jerk you love. That's what really important. Don't let stress, and petty worries spoil your relationship before it gets going. He spends time with his friends, well give him reasons to come home. He dosen't call you cause he knows how angry you are. Of course you need to be firm with him. Tell you need him to call you at least once a day, to see if you and the baby are ok. Tell him it hurts when he breaks his promises. Tell him how alone you feel. Tell him that if he loves you he needs to give you a certain standard of respect. But right now you really need to concentrate on you and the baby right now. You want to be a strong wife and mother and the only way you can do this is by putting yourself and your baby first in your life.If you need to let of steam, then update us on the situation and really let rip with how you feel. Tell us how drunk he gets, how often he dosen't call. It'll help, believe me.
A
female
reader, someone07 +, writes (14 May 2008):
someone07 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank You all so much for the guidance. You guys are right he's just trying to get everything done befor the baby comes. he is saving up and working really hard. He just need time with his cousins to drink beer and relax befor his attention comes to my baby and i. the promis he breaks about comming home and callin me, maybe its just becaouse he got drunk and passout. i guess i just have to try and look on the good side and focuses on my baby. Thanks you all agin!
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2008): I think that should take note of everything that has been said here to you. We're trying to understand your partner's mind because obviously he seems to have lost it. It's the height of the farming season, and he's probably under a lot of pressure. He's hanging out with the boys cause he won't have a chance to do it later, because of the wedding, baby and harvest. Oh yea and you! Men have big communication problems, and it would be better if he could tell you all this himself.
Since your already pregnant I don't supposed there is any need to wait for the wedding. Call him up, try to get him over. Dress up as sexy as you can and try to seduce him. Tell him that you and your baby need to be close to him, and then get on with planning what you gonna need for you and the baby.
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A
male
reader, Uncle Sneaker  +, writes (14 May 2008):
 Is he just in panic mode, trying to be practical to provide for you and your baby and failing to provide what you really need?You say he's busy farming and he finds time for other things. Is he thinking firstly that he needs to earn what he can now before you have the baby, and secondly that he won't have time for all those other things once you are married and the baby is taking up all of everyone's spare time?It seems to me most likely that he loves you more than anything, but his apparent behaviour now is no more than a reaction to "get everything done" because it's the last opportunity for a long while to do it. All it may need are a few words from you "I want you. I need you. I love you."
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A
male
reader, WastedLife +, writes (14 May 2008):
It's Springtime, and farmers really are very busy. With men, the best way to get someone to do something for you is to ask, not figure we can read your mind, we can't. If we try, we make so many mistakes that we give up quickly. Men are more concerned about getting married than most anything else, so if he will do this, it means he plans on you two being together for life. There are lots of thing to read on different communication styles - "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, etc.", and it would be good to speak to older folks that have successful marriages - women and men. Lastly, take a man at his word - if he is honest. Talk to him about the need to communicate and let him know that women and men speak and understand differently. Ask him to do a simple thing that means something to you. Ask him what simple thing you can do for him. See where it goes, and if you need to, consider a counselor or older married couple to teach communication. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (14 May 2008):
 Most men are simple minded.
They speak with candour and the truth but it does not come
across to the female because their love language is
different from a female and they are not aware of it.
If they say , they love you , it means they love you in
their heart but they just don't know how to show it to you by actions.
They think by just speaking from the heart is all it takes for them to proof their love for you.
If they don't love you , it is difficult for them to say the opposite.
You are pregnant and getting married soon.
If he does not love you , he would not want to marry you.
You need to understand him and see that he does not think like you .
There is a miscommunication here.
For further readings;-
http://www.pinksuzie.com/2007/08/22/good-communications-skills-is-a-must-in-marriage/
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2008): The only person that knows that is him himself. He must be pretty dumb if he's marrying someon he doesn't love.
His behaviour does't mean he doesn't love you, that is a seperate issue.
Breaking promises is not good it kind of means his word means nothing, and that ain't good if youre marrying someone.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2008): Sorry that your feeling so desperate. This should be the happiest time of your life, your pregnant with what I assume is your first child and about to get married to the man you love. Your baby should be your main priority and you should be spending quality time, and getting support from your fiance. You haven't provided enough information for anyone to guess why your partner is treating you like this. He could be frightened. A year ago he was a young men with an uncetain, and suddenly he's a married men, with a wife and baby on the way. I know it's hard honey, but try if you want the best start possible to your marriage you gotta find a way of getting into his head. Try to see it from his point of view. How's he gonna find enough money to provide for the three of you, is he ever gonna see his friends and family again once the baby comes. He could be having his last fling as a single man. He could be having second thoughts. (doubtful because he's still with you) I know you need kisses and cuddles, I know you need him to tell you he loves you with all his heart. Maybe he just dosen't have any more strength right now to give you that. Maybe every time he looks at you, he panics. This is a big change in his life and he's probably frightened to death. What can you do. TALK, TALK, TALK. You need to talk to him. Talk to him, not scream at him, or argue with him. Treat him as carefully as you gonna treat your new baby. What if it were your son that were in this situation. How would you want his wife to treat him if he fell into a similar situation. Your gonna be a wife and mother, and unfortunately if your partner cannot provide the support and guidance you need then your gonna have to be the one to provide it for him.
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