A
male
age
51-59,
*teve.P.
writes:Me and my wife recently have had a baby. He is now one month old and he is wonderful, I love him with all of my heart.The problem is I do not his Mum. We have been together for 15 years and married for 9. I am just not in love with her at all. We have been struggling for some time, but we always put this down to the pressures and stresses of trying to get pregnant (it has been a long and difficult road). So we managed, and kept going. Finally we got pregnant. I thought that the problems in the relationship would be solved by this I guess. Naive maybe, but I clung to that hope during the pregnancy.We get on okay, we snap at each other now and again, but we do not really argue much. Just whatever it is, is not there. I am in a mess, I am just not happy. I sit and wonder what to do, and if I can leave. I mean my baby is one month old, and it just seems wrong. But I am that unhappy. I will always be there for my baby, no matter what....So any advice or similar experiences are welcome and appreciated. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2009): hey life is tough i agree but think your wife has just undergone so much pain ,to give you joy in the form of your child. in order to make any relationship work we've to let go off ego. so first get flowers n just her you love her make her feel special .hope it works !!1let us know
good luck..never run away from anything..if you do so you'll feel guilty for the rest of your life and your child will lose a father who loved him so much.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2009): firstly i am sorry you are feeling this way. there are so many things i want to ask and yet time is so precious. so i am going to tackle this by giving you some of my insight into your relationship. it may not be what you want to hear, and if i am wrong then i will say sorry upfront.
i have always maintained that marriage and relationships are so much of hard work. you say that you were trying for a baby for a while. do you know how much of pressure this places in a relationship, the doubts in trying to conceive, sometimes just doing it so the sake of conception, without any love or passion. that is reality. The slightest problem/incident will be full blown, getting on each others nerves as well. ups and downs.
Unfortunately you thought that having a baby will solve your other problems, but it didn't. perhaps you tried to have this precious child hoping he would mend the relationship, but he didn't. So what now. It's been only 1 month, have you discussed your feelings with your wife? does she know how you are feeling. will she do anything to try and salvage this marriage. at once stage i am sure you loved her, loved her enough to work it out. have you just run the entre marothon without her being an active participant. i read somewhere that people in long standing relationships sometimes fall in and out of love with their partner. 15 yrs for some is a lifetime, you ahve invested so much, surely a little longer will not hurt.
it takes two to make a relationship work, can you both try for 1 last time. that beautiful baby deserves a chance to have both parents, but you you just cannot then sadly you need to let go. with baby in the household you also need to be aware that he will be taking up a lot of your wife's time, i have said this before as well, that having a new born is a sure passion killer in a relationship. so also be prepared for not having too much of "us" time in this marriage. all of this will add more strain in an already strained r/ship.
you say that you are unhappy, will your wife's attitude if she changes it, help you. can you see yourself in a happy r/ship with her. OR IS THE LOVE JUST DEAD. iF it is then yes, try to move on but TELL HER WHAT IS WRONG, communicate with her these non feelings. then if you have tried everything, move on, but be the active father in your child's life. too many men divorce/seperate from their partners and divorce their kids too.
you know you love your baby, so maybe a tiny part may love your wife too. perhaps you need to find that tiny part, but you cannot do it alone, involve your wife too. Remember marriage take time, effort and sacrifice. It also induces self misery and self doubt and self sacrifice. I wish you love and happiness either with or without your wife. But enjoy your baby, your best years as a dad will come and you will wonder how you managed to live without him. Later on you will be your baby's hero, after all we sometimes live for our kids.
Simple words yet so unsimple in life. Bye
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A
female
reader, amyrechel  +, writes (2 April 2009):
Hi, the baby is going to grow up with you an mom together, or not together. I believe you should do what you think is best for all partys. Staying with the Mother may complicate things in the future for the child's sake. think about how you will want the baby to live its life when its older, parents, if they are good parents want the child to live a happy prosperous life, that means when they choose a mate to be happy with that person.. I pray that you will find peace in your situation, I too am quite going thru the same thing you are...
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A
female
reader, pinktink1 +, writes (2 April 2009):
You cant stay in a unhappy relationship for the sake of a child (it dont work)! Iv been in a situation like this with my ex, I did everything i could think of to makr it work but it didnt. Im so much happier now and my daughter gets the best of both worlds (she was 3 at the time so was a bit more difficult).
Hope that helps, good luck with what ever you decide
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A
female
reader, chazx +, writes (2 April 2009):
 Hunny you need to end the relationship asap as its not good for you, its not good for the mother and most importantly is not good for the child.He will be brought up thinking a relation ship can work with no love and thats bad.
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