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female
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anonymous
writes: I met a fantastic guy "Harry" 4 years ago. He's gentle, fun, very interesting and a warm person. I was very happy and fell in love pretty quickly. I was absolutely sure this was perfect and he wasn't. After 3 years we split up. It was a first serious relationship for both of us and he was very unsure about committing. He wanted to play the field a bit and told me so. I was devastated and we split up. 6 months later I met someone else, "Ned" and he's a wonderful, giving and romantic man, an absolute dream and more than any woman could ever want. We started seeing each other.Around the same time, Harry, after dating a few other women, realised his mistake and asked for another chance. I said no. He insisted, apologised over and over and over, came to see me a few times and begged and then proposed marriage, promising me he'd never hurt me again and cursing himself for being such an idiot. In the end I said no, that I wanted to stay with Ned and continued seeing Ned and cut off Harry. I do love Ned, but not as much as he does me but that's probably because I keep thinking about Harry! Ned is wonderful (but temperamental). This whole thing is reminding me of my first relationship with Harry but reversed where Ned loves me and is absolutely sure and waiting for me to come to the same realisation, just like I was waiting for the same to happen to Harry. However, all I think of these days is ways to dump Ned and I'm constantly thinking of trying again with Harry. Ned and I have been together 4 months now and he's very committed. Due to Harry's contact during the start of the relationship with Ned, I've reassured Ned over and over that Harry is in the past and I don't want to go back there. A lie. My dilemma is huge... why did I lie? Would I be making a mistake trying again with Harry? Will Harry and I even work again? Am I being an idiot for dumping a man who's done nothing wrong and is a far more affectionate and loving partner, committed to me and already discussing marriage? Am I just being ungrateful and stupid? Am I subconsciously some kind of idiot looking to get hurt again? Ned and Harry are very different people. They have very different personalities. I don't know what to do. Should I just let go of Harry and put that behind me? Should I put Ned behind me too since I'm thinking of someone else sometimes? Is that a form of cheating? Should I try again with Harry or forever be wondering? Should I stay with Ned, who is loving and faithful and committed? Any ideas?
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female
reader, Dawnest +, writes (11 January 2006):
Ok so harry is the focus of your thoughts but has he asked you to go backand try again? If there has been no contact from harry since you split up then the chances are he has moved out of range and not interested in reviving the past.
You could try contacting Harry once more but my intuition tells me that nothing will happen between you. Be fair to Ned and either let someone else enjoy him or make the effort to love him as much as he loves you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2006): Ok so what I think is that you should be going back to Harry since you really do love him a lot anyway. What is the point of being with Ned when it's really Harry that you want ? From what you have written, it is clearly obvious that you want Harry back so badly. You got to lose something in order to gain something. Give Harry a try, he probably regrets what he has done. I don't think that you would ever be able to move on from him. You know the answer within yourself. You know it's Harry that you want.=]
Hope this helped.
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