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female
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*EsillyaMuse'D
writes: I'm 18, to be 19 in less than a month, and currently in a long-distance relationship with a man nearly 12 years older than me. My parents seem a little unnerved, understandably. We met online (through a video game forum, a shared interest of ours), which is red flag number one for them. Number two is that he's older than me. Number three is the combination of one and two.I, personally, do not find the relationship strange. He's very caring and sweet and acts like a real gentleman. Our personalities are similar - we're both introverts who prefer video games to a party (so none of the "older man wants to stay home, younger woman wants to go to a club" problems), we love dogs, cats, and animals in general (yes, girls, he's a "cat person" too), and we agree that kids are not something we ever want in our future, either together or appart. The only problem I can foresee, really, is the distance between us - we'd like to be able to be together at least once a week, instead of for one week every few months. However, for the time being, that's a problem we're willing to accept and work around; we talk nearly every night using IM.However, my parents still seem to need some reassurance. I've attempted to talk with them, but our communication is lacking (my dad and I have a null-and-void, "angry tennant neighbor" relationship in that we live in the same house and say nothing to each other {rather like two boarders in a hotel}, and my mother finds it difficult to keep up the conversation for long). There are plenty of statistics out there to scare them, about girls dating older men who abuse drugs, drink, become pregnant, etc, etc. However, I'm quite certain this man is rather disinterested in all of those, and is not just looking for an "easy target" (he and I are both Christians, nonsmokers, nondrinkers, and believe anything beyond hugging and kissing should be saved for after marriage).I'd like to know if anyone has any tips about acclamating my parents to the idea. He's visited twice now, so they've met him, and from what I've seen and heard he was never rude to them, either. They don't seem to have a problem with him as a person, but rather, they see an age gap and the fact that we met online and automatically think of the news reports. Does anyone know of a good way to start a conversation that can be sustained more than two sentences, or of something which I can tell them to prove that not every person online is an evil predator?
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female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (11 January 2006):
I can relate very much to your situation, I met my current bf online, and we are going great! Yet he has moved to my town.
I see that your parents are very much worrying, partly due to how the news portrays these stories. The media uses special techiniques called 'gaps and silencing' which means they leave out and silence certain parts of information. What this means, in your situation, the news always leaves out the good stories, they don't report hat a 15 year old girl met a 19 year old guy and they are havign a great life together, of course they woudln't! They are silenicng the good parts, as they arent newsworthy. I think thats one point you could make out to your parents. Remind them that there online meetings do work out, yet the news doesn't always report them.
But you have to understand and cut your parents some slack, that they are just simply worried about you! it shows they care :) They don't want you to be unhappy, they just want you safe. So take that into consideration yours parents fears and worried. And let them know that you 'hear them' repeat back to them that you understand what there worries are so say 'I know you think this is a bad idea as he is older and we met online and all these things couldh appen', that way they KNOW that you aren't in denial of the risks.
Next you need to talk to them and find a way to perhaps relax them ab it. This can take time, but if this guy is in it for the right reaons he will stick around and put the effort in :)
Firstly, them meeting him was a great idea! *thumbs up!*
I suggest making many more of these meetings.
Many many mannyyyyy more.
Remind them that they raised you to be a good judge of character and are strong and can sense danger and know how to take care of yourself. Remind them that you are strong willed so if he did pressure you to have sex (dont just tell them that he wont, because they wont believe it, they need to know that u can stand up for yourself!, let them trust you, then they will trust you can look after yourself, thats the key here) you could say no.
Just work on showing them that you are mature, and this hsould work if yo uare. And by the sounds of it, you seem very mature to me, and you have thought about this situation alot in detail. Just show your parents that!
They should come around, just takes a bit of time and effort! And most importnatnly, remind them that bad things happen in life and they can't protect you from everything, everyone suffers down times and accidents, but YOU with there SUPPORT can get through it, so if say this guy changed, you would surivive and you would learn from the experience.They need reassurance that you can cope :)
Good luck and I hope it works out for you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2006): Your Parents obviously just care about you! After all you are only 19. I'm a parent and would be totally concerned if my daughter had met a man on the internet, and was 12 years older then herself. I totally understand where they are coming from!
I don't think your parents can change how they feel about this overnight. This is going to take a serious amount of time for them to come around,your BF would have alot to prove to them.. or on the flipside maybe they will never accept your choice.
You pressuring them would be the wrong thing to do in my opinion. You are an adult, and you have obviously made your choice for a partner. As the old saying goes..time will tell!
Good Luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2006): give them time, that's about all you can do and if this is the man you truly want to be with then stick by his side. and if you want my opinion, going for the older guy is right on, if fact, I won't date a guy that is younger. your old enough, move closer to the guy or move in together, that way you have more time together.
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