A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have 1 of 100s of other problems with my wife, for which i need some urgent help. On this specific problem, I would explain as below- when i am driving, she continuously gives instructions, like where to park, how to park, (as a matter of fact, i am driving since a decade, and she can not drive). when i am in controlled speed (not slow but within legal speed limit), she INSISTS that I overtake trucks in front of me, because she is not comfortable with the trucks in front of our car. She asks me to change lanes unnecessarily. and if we are stuck in busy lane, she blames me for that. whenever there is a critical situation, she panics and screems. whenever i need some navigation information from her, she gives me information such a way, that i cant understand at all (like sometimes by shouting or showing direction with hand, instead of proper sign on the road, etc.) and when i ask again, she shouts because by then we already missed it. when we are stopped at red signal, she curses red signals, when i approach yellow signal she insists me to go fast so that we can pass the signal. Yesterday when my car had a little skid in snow because i HAD to apply urgent brakes, because the car ahead of me took an immidiate turn unexpectedly, instead of looking at the fact that i handled the situation "perfectly" (i kept more than safe distance, i was below speed limit, as it was snowing, and i moved steering as it should be moved) and we passed the crisis nicely, she blamed me for the situation, that i was looking somewhere else, and my speed was too much. This has been going on the whole 10 years of our marriage, and i am tired of it! i have tried all ways to educate her about "how to be a good navigator", but she is not changed. so after this, I have become very agressive and violent when she acts like this. I even hit her, and our 2 year old kid is watching everything. I can say that i am not an idiot driver - My driving records are like this-*I never had any big accidents. I had 2 small accidents in my 16 yeras of driving career. which cased no physical harm to anyone. and also NOT a single time i was at fault legally. both times, the other driver reversed into my car.* In my whole driving career, i have not been issued any single wanrning or ticket for my irresponsible or careless driving.* i NEVER drink and drive, and I always keep safe distance between cars. and she knows all of these above. but it is not enogh for her...PLEASE HELP.....
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2007): Hey, i am not sure if this would solve all you other problems, but here is smth that may solve this one. Get her a driving license and let her drive!My husband did exactly the same thing and i was always driving since he did not have a license, and his behaviour drove me nuts. Now we moved to a developing country for my work and he had to get a license since it is the only way to move around here, while i am at work. It is really much better now since he understands the problems himself and he stopped behaving as he used to.good luck!katja
A
female
reader, BEEN THERE DONE IT  +, writes (27 February 2007):
 Hi,
I don't know the answers as to whether there is an ilness, but if you have tried talking nicely on many occassions then thats all you can do...maybe she does get stressed when things go wrong when your driving is she like this with all situations? if so then maybe she should talk to her doctor it could be a really simple solution..I wish you the very best and she is a lucky lady as you are really trying to find answers,
Good luck honey let me know how you get on
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the answers Donna and nicola79,Both of you have suggested me few tips. i will explain what i have already done so far to resolve this-I have talked her nicely to make her uinderstand that this way she is breaking my confidence in driving which could be dangerous for the whole family. I have talked to her nicely many times not once or twice. and she agrees me at that time.I have asked her to sit at the back seat (which has helped a little bit, but now, our kid is being demanding if she is sitting at the back seat with him, so she has started sitting with me again). Since last FEW YEARS, I have been trying to motivate her to learn driving herself (so that she knows how critical decissions one has to make when driving, and how sound and confident you need to be, to drive safely) but she says she "will" do it. (God knows "when") She 100% agrees, I am a very safe and good driver. She actually priases my driving while being with friends and family, but whenever there is any little situation or crisis, she can't keep it. she starts yelling and panicking and blaming. What do I do if "Talking" doesnt work? Is there any psycological illness known to this ?
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A
female
reader, BEEN THERE DONE IT +, writes (26 February 2007):
Hi,
It seems to me that this is not the problem as you stated it is just 1 of 100's...Does your wife like to take control of everything?
I am sure you love her but all this is becoming too much for you, but hitting her in front of your two year old daughter is really not the answer and your educating your daughter that this kind of behaviour is acceptable. You really don't understand how hard it is for a young child to listen to their parents urguing it is awful I should know I grew up in that kind of enviroment....
Please try to have quality time with your wife and explain to her how you are feeling, she deserves that and so do you...Your wife has issues too and maybe she needs to chat. For the sake of your daughter you really need to solve your problems and work on it...
I wish you both the very best let me know how you get on
x
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A
female
reader, nicola79 +, writes (26 February 2007):
 First of all DO NOT hit your wife, I can understand how much she annoys you but that is not the ansew. Just simply tell her if she doesnt like the way you drive she can always get the bus or a cab?
Tell her driving is stressful at times as it is so you dont need her nagging at you. I think you should sit down just the two of you and talk it through, and if she insists on you not driving right then maybe she should go and take her test and drive you around.
I hope you sort this out, xxxxxxxxxxxxx
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