A
male
 ,
anonymous
writes:My wife and I have been married for 2 years now. I have known her for about 7 years and for the last six years her father has been an increasingly son of a B#$CH. I wrote him off personally about a year ago. But my wife still tries to have a relationship with him and I wouldn't expect her to not. Anyway, his wife finally left him 3 years ago, just this past year he has cussed out every one of his brothers and sisters and his mother and father and has alienated himself from everyone in his family. We all have tried to help him. We have given him countless chances to try to help his behavior. Sent him to mental counseling, to which he convinced them he was fine. The only two people that try to have anything to do with him anymore is his ex-wife, who can't seem to fully walk away because she is an uber Christian and thinks it would be wrong for her to totally leave him, and his daughter because, well, it's her father. But all he wants to do, everyday for years (not exagerating), is to talk to my wife about his wife. "Why don't she love me?". "Call your momma for me.". A whole bunch of other questions about momma momma momma momma. My wife has said everything in the book to him. If she says she doesn't know then he often gets angry at her and sometimes cusses her out then they get into big arguments. If she doesn't answer the phone he will keep calling and calling, 20 times a day. When she finally does answer it's another argument. He has mental issues no doubt but nothing that we could get him admitted over. He has ill opinions about me, which I couldn't care less about, and it's the same everyday. He lies to get his way like a child. The bottom line is this is starting to affect my marriage. What can we do? I love my wife and I can't tell her to chose me over her father but it's starting to feel like it's him or me.
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female
reader, chaijam  +, writes (6 September 2012):
My, he sounds like quite a handful!
Is your wife stressed over his actions too? If she is, maybe suggest a date night where you cook her dinner or go out for dinner and properly talk to each other. Maybe even agree that the topic of conversation will only be about positive things.
Maybe try other activities with her to keep both your minds off this creature who's bombaring your marriage, such as a scrabble night or going out to the movies.
I don't mean to say that you should pretend like her father doesn't exist, but do some different things with her to remind her that you are still there for you and how important your relationship really is.
Best of luck,
J
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