A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a relationship for 4 years with a wonderful man, living together for 1 year. We both have professional careers and started drifting apart under work related stress. I am very independent, and we earn the same amount of money. He says he feels "I don't need him" But emotionally I do! We started doing less couple things together, our intimate life started to suffer.I started feeling under appreciated. He didn't make me feel sexy anymore, didn't like to cuddle or hold me. We also have different churches and mother tongues,which was creating a lot of problems for us. Our families had reservations about our relationship. I have now decided to take a break from the relationship, as I am not sure that this is what I want. I am planning on buying own house and moving out, but now I feel sad, empty and alone and wondering what went wrong between us. Is it possible that there is someone more suited to me? Are we not trying hard enough, is it even worth it? I am crying, cannot sleep, and have a great sense of loss. Please help!
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (4 March 2007):
 Have you asked him to define the reason why he thinks you don't need him? If it is solely the fact that you both earn the same amount of money, that is just a self-esteem issue that only he can resolve. I am sure that your being successful and independent was one of the things that drew him to you in the first place. If you have both been stressed out and family are creating problems, you need to spend more time together, not less. Both of you need to talk and compromise on places and events to attend together, family will come around if you present a united front. Does he know that you feel so strongly about your problems together that you are losing sleep and crying over this? It takes a strong man to keep a strong woman. Try to talk him about all the issues that you have told us. If he isn't the right guy for you he won't be any more supportive than he has been recently, but at least you've given him one last chance to step up to the plate and be a man. If it doesn't work out, I'm sure that you will find someone better for you, you sound like an admirable young woman who deserves to be with someone who appreciates her. Good Luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2007): The most unwilling thing you can do is quit your job and do something less 'independent' and rely on your man more. However, as I said, that would be the unwilling thing to do.
With that said, I think this relationship isn't quite right for you. The man has insecurity issues, and possibly even traditional masculine ideals that conflict with the type of person you are.
The 'break' is a good thing, no matter how emotionally daunting that might be for you. If you are indeed independent, even emotionally independent, then this feeling will pass, and you may just realize that he's simply not the right man for you.
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