A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I'm going away with my family (2 elder sisters and my brother-in-law) for a few days. I'm excited but at the same time I am apprehensive because I haven't been spending time with them in the last year. The reasons are as the following:1) Have been voluntarily unemployed for the last 3 years following university. As a result, I don't want to imagine my sisters' despairing of me every time I come over to visit.(this does not mean I ask my sisters for money). My sisters don't work either with good reason, (one is sick on and off from this mysterious disease and the other one is married.) but they want ME to 'get a life' so to speak. I am very afraid of failing. I know, it takes a first step, and fear is all in my head - but I am just very afraid (and for you cynical ppl out there, it's not because I'm afraid of WORKING ;)). As a result, I haven't got a job yet. 2) I got engaged to a guy I only met for 2 months. One sister just supported me, the other one went berserk for about a week. (yes, with good reason). I didn't want to go see her because for a while there it seemed like every visit was peppered with accusatory questions. I know, she is within reason, but for some reason, I feel like I don't owe any more explanations after I turned 26 years old. I'm the youngest in the family, I feel like everybody's watching me with an eagle eye and waiting to swoop in with a barrage of advice. 3) I have poor communication skills with my sisters. I feel like I'm laid bare everytime I talk to them, I feel naked and exposed and I don't want people to have that power over me. It's probably love that does that to people, but I feel less of myself every time I come away from them. I feel better imagining them as cousins or people who live at my dad's house or happen to be in the same family photo. I just want to have a good time vacationing with my family. I want to have the right for an advice/criticism free vacation/outing with them. I wish I knew what I am supposed to feel (besides growing thick-skin and developing a less tense/paranoid attitude). I just feel like I am wrong all the time. I don't know what to do any more.
View related questions:
cousin, engaged, money, university Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTHanks Doc! I really needed somebody to tell me to take a deep breath and that it was OKAY to be who I am, and to make my own decisions even though they might be mistakes in another person's mind. I know family cares - Everybody DOES have the right to an opinion, but right now I just want to be left alone, you know? I know it's selfish, but I am THIS close to just losing it if somebody comes in and tells me that what I'm doing is 'wrong'.
Hee hee... I'm blabbing on again. THanks again, Doc, I really appreciate it.
A
male
reader, Dr. John  +, writes (5 March 2007):
 I have a younger brother who always has advice for me and will often give me his opinion on things or tell my 70 year old mother who in turn tells me about it.
If you can you may just need to learn to let it go in one ear and out the other. This takes work but once you figure it out it is total bliss I guarantee you. For those times when I get attacked from all sides I finally just need to tell everyone to back off and let's change the subject. I am who I am and I am going to do what I do. They are entitled to their opinion but they don't need to share it with me. I tell them; "I love you guys and I don't want to cause bad feelings so for now let's just enjoy each others company." Hope it works out for you. Doc.
...............................
|
