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female
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*urvytothemax
writes: My problem is deep. I love my husband of fifteen years, who, unfortunately I have outgrown because he lacks vision, ambition and the ability to plan for our future, which includes our eleven year old daughter. I'm in love with my lover of seven years who happens to be my friend and soulmate. He makes me laugh, I can talk to him about anything, he has it together and knows what he wants out of life and is working hard to accomplish these things. More importantly, he makes me feel alive. Even though I know he loves me, he happens to love his girlfriend of eleven years and feels an obligation to her because she has been there for him in many ways. She is pressuring him to marry her; he says he is not ready for marriage because there are some things he would like to do first. He always tells me if I were not married he would marry me. My husband lives on another island which has made us more estranged. I want to be with my lover but I'm not sure whether he would still want to be with my if I divorce my husband and I don't want to be left alone in the event I do divorce. I'm afraid of what the outcome could be but I am unfulfilled in my marriage, however I do not know if I could win my lover over his girlfriend. Any suggestions? Help me please!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2006): Hello Curvytothemax!
I have been living a loveless marriage relationship for 10 years. My husband as well has no future view of life, he does things but never finish them. I don´t like that! I wish I could have a man with a bright future as you call "lover"! But in your case, your lover doesn´t want or can´t show his feelings to you! You can only love 1 man! You have to decide if you want to be with your husband or lover. I believe that the best thing for you is to get away and live alone for a while until your heart will choose the best man! Good luck!
A
female
reader, Aunt Audrey  +, writes (8 May 2006):
 You have to learn to live alone without the security of marriage. Your marriage obviously means very little to you for you to have been cheating on your husband for so long.
There is only one way to find out whether your b/f is sincere when he says he would marry you if you were single, that's to divorce your husband and become available.
Whether you would win over his g/f is a chance you take, but surely it would be better to know one way or the other, why would you want to go through your life sharing the man you love? If he doesn't want you when he can have you, I think the writing's on the wall. If he won't leave his girlfriend at least you will be able to move on and find a man that fulfills your needs, no point staying in a loveless marriage or hanging on to a man that is leading two lives and you up the garden path!
Good luck!
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female
reader, Clarey +, writes (8 May 2006):
 Good morning. I very much doubt that your lover will leave his girlfriend. If he was going to, he would have. He has been a very good friend but that is all and he probably does love you in his own way. It is not enough. If he wanted to be with you and loved you beyond all others, he would have done everything possible to make that happen. So would you. Don't be so scared of being alone, it is not that bad. I think it is sometimes it is necessary to pare down to the core again by being alone, before being able to know what you want. It is better than accepting compromises and half loves. What is YOUR vision for yourself? Never mind other people's aspirations and hopes. If you have outgrown your husband perhaps it is time to move on, but it would be much better if you could find the reasons why you fell in love with him again and concentrate on him, rather than diluting effort in that relationship by adding the missing bit through someone else. It would be much better for your daughter. How would you feel if he found someone else? Just asking to see what that possibility makes you feel. Avoiding being alone by accepting half satisfactory relationships usually results in just that...being alone. Go for what you want. I really hope you get it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2006): I know how u feel and but for me you cant love 2 men at the same time and have sex with both and on top knowing that your lover is having sex with his girlfriend... how can u take all that ? just stick with ur husband and try to spice up ur life .
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