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female
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anonymous
writes: I started seeing a family friend, the one who I never even thought I had a chance with. So when we ran into eachother, he told me he wanted more. So things were great we had no issues. He asked me about living together and I said give me a year. Then he was talking about marriage and I never said anything. Well, we had lunch and were planning our trip for the next day and everything was great. He later that night gambled more than he wanted and called the next day. I told him i couldn't get away for the night becuase my sitter was sick, but he could come over for lunch and just hang out for a while. he never showed. I didn't hear from him for 9 days and then he calls and says he is no good for me...then he calmed down and said he wanted to stay together. I didn't hear from him for two weeks, I finnaly called him at work and asked him for a ride home. He picked me up and acted as if nothing happend. I met him the next day for lunch and again like nothing happend. I didn't hear from him for a few days so again I called him and he came over acted as if nothing happend. So I asked him "are we together?" he says no. Then he starts saying how he is on the fence and one day he wants me the next he wants to be alone. Along with other issues. So I told him I loved him and that I am not going anywhere, but my life won't be on hold either. He said he wants to be friends.I didn't contact him at all after that, and then he calls and wants to see me. So he comes over and he didn't look ok. I just put on comedy and never said anything. He cuddled with me and after a few hours I told him I needed to sleep and he stayed the night. He usually didn't when we were together. I was shocked. I know he loves me I can tell the way he looks at me and the way he touches me. I want him in my future, I have never loved this way before. I would like to tell him this, and how I feel for him and that someday I would like to try again, but I don't know how to, or if I should.
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female
reader, Clarey  +, writes (8 May 2006):
 There is more going on in the background with this man than you know. When you write about gambling, do you mean with money or gambling with emotions? When I read about the gambling it made me wonder whether this is an issue. It would explain him saying he is not good enough for you. Gamblers and other addicts go through self-loathing after a stint.
Whatever the problem, he is not reliable, he is a troubled soul and although he does not want to be the way he is, there is absolutely nothing you can do to help him. Do not make that mistake, it is not your responsibility and you will not make him better.
Nobody should treat you like that, it is abusive. He may look at you like he loves you, he may do so in his way, but he has shown he is not capable of having a proper relationship. Find out more about him, someone must have an idea of what he is up to. Most of all remember that it is not your mission to rescue him.
I am so sorry that you have already invested a lot of love, it means that you will be very hurt. Next time, wait longer and find out more before you dive in. To deserve your love, a person should prove themself worthy of it.
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