A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi i'm 30 and been married for almost 6 yrs now. Since the first time i had sex i only had 2x orgasm with a partner. I can only get orgasm when i masturbate but not with my husband or with my past relationships. I always have to fake it everytime we have sex. I love my husband and he is bad in bed. I'm a sexual person but what i don't understand is that why i don't get orgasm during sex? Please help.
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (27 August 2010):
 I would not worry over it at all. If he isn't complaining then who cares? You can always just ask for some tounge and i would think he'd be hot to comply. Most men that I know would rather give her pleasure than get it themselves.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2008): you need to research the different positions that you and your husband can try, so you both are satisfied. www.buzzle.com/articles/sex-tips-better-sexual-satisfaction
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A
female
reader, stillhopefull  +, writes (7 October 2008):
I don't have an answer to this question--but do have another question. What if he is just bad all around--does not like foreplay(gross) and lies there like a door when you make the attempt. What if he does not remember what you tell him about your likes and dislikes. You come down to being a hole like a blowup doll so you begin to fake it and he is none the wiser. Thing is it makes it worse for you, being a very sexual person and drives you to the brink of getting it else where, but your marriage--and the best part is when you discuss it with him the only answer you get is "that's the way I am" so what do I do now?
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (18 February 2008):
 Can't add much to Namatjira's advice either, except that your husband could concentrate mainly on oral stimulation abundantly, if you enjoy it, to help you really become aroused, maybe even climax, before intercourse. And note the fact that men cannot read a lady's mind.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (18 February 2008):
 Namatjira so thoroughly answered this question I have only this to mention. There's bad in bed becausue they don't know what they're doing and don't really care about the partners satisfaction. Then there's bad in bed because they don't know what they're doing but they want to please the partner. If you're dealing with type #1, I wouldn't expect things to improve in the bedroom. If you've got type #2, it's up to you to teach him what works for you in bed.
Hope your sex live is improving! All the best.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (18 February 2008):
 If you don't fake it , what will be your husbands reaction?
Maybe, he would not know the difference.
You can use a combo while having sex....
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A
male
reader, chlez83  +, writes (18 February 2008):
Namatjira has really elaborated alot so i'll try to be brief and take another angle.There are two aspects you've brought out here.Firstly,even in your past relationships,you never used to orgasm then you also say that your husband is bad in bed.I figure no matter how much he improved you would still never orgasm unless all the guys you ever dated are poor in bed! Why don't you usually orgasm? Some women never orgasm at all,EVER! You need to check if you don't fall in that group.If not what makes you orgasm while doing solo? Why not shift da same techniques when you are with your hubby or combine solo with penetration.However,sex is largely mental and you need to work on your psychological perception about yourself.You can seek professional help as well but you also have a problem of a hubby whose not that great in bed.Talk to him and find ways to spice up your bedroom life.
Good Luck.
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A
male
reader, Namatjira  +, writes (18 February 2008):
First of all do you know from masturbating of several different ways you can make yourself feel good, not orgasm but really good and building towards one? If not, then you need to experiment more with your hand and with sex toys like dildos and vibrators.
Once you are confident of how your body works and can reliably reach orgasm yourself then you are ready for the next bit.
When you are making love with your husband, tell him exactly what will feel better than what he is doing right then. For example if you know he is licking you and is licking in the wrong place for the best feelings, just tell him higher or lower or left a bit or whatever is needed to guide him to a better place that you know from your own experiments.
It is also likely that you should spend more time in foreplay before he penetrates you and so you need to tell him to be patient, perhaps you take charge a bit and you play with him and tell him how you want him to touch you.
Consider using scented oils, but be careful as some oils are not good for condoms (they can weaken them) and other oils can irritate your sensitive areas.
Just by doing some things a bit differently and maybe setting the scene to suit can help.
A large part of orgasm is mental. When you masturbate to orgasm you are thinking sexual thoughts. I am confident of this because no one can orgasm with an empty head and as masturbating is a physical sex act your thoughts would therefore be consistent. Try and remember what you are thinking of when you bring yourself to orgasm. Now when you are making love with your husband, think of the same things.
At the end of the day if the love making between a couple is not satisfactory then they must communicate. Do not fake it. Some men can tell and others do not but they would all prefer the real thing.
Only you can educate your husband in what feels good for you. If he is like most men he will be quite willing to learn, partly because he will expect that if he can press all the right buttons there will be more opportunities, and partly because he loves you and helping you to orgasm will make him feel better about himself as a man.
One word of advice. Sometimes you will just have to take his hand, head, hips or whatever and just put them in the right place. Sometimes you will have to tell him, slower, softer, harder, faster or whatever you feel is better than what he is doing. Do not trust that he will successfully read your body language because that is something that guys are usually terrible at doing. Not because they do not want to but simply because they are guys. So don't give him subtle hints and then feel bad because he "just doesn't get it". You have to tell him straight out sometimes. Mind you as he gets better at reading you and meeting your sexual needs he will also get better at knowing if you are faking it. That is another reason to be honest sexually.
Only you can decide if you should talk to him specifically about what has gone wrong sexually in the past before you try to change it but as a general rule I would recommend it. As you improve your communication about what feels good during sex (even if you do not have immediate results) then you should give him more practice at getting it right. Maybe even experiment at mutual masturbation so he can see you bringing yourself to orgasm and how and of course you get to see the same. While men usually do not have problems reaching orgasm sometimes it is not as good as it could be so watching him do the same may help you improve your technique with him as he gets better with you.
I hope you have success. Take assurance from the fact that it is extremely rare for medical conditions to prevent the ability to reach orgasm, but that each human body is different and so you need to learn all your sexual features before you can expect to teach them to him.
Good luck
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