A
male
age
36-40,
*oolnamebro
writes:Allow me to first say, I FULLY understand the amount of unhealthy pressure and anxiety that society puts on women to look perfect. That being said, here's the low down:I'm 24, she's 22, and we have been dating for roughly 2 years now. I have always been a health nut. I always watch what I eat, extremely healthy, and I go to the gym enough to put the Jersey Shore crew to shame. When we first met I was very aware of her weight, but she has an absolutely gorgeous face, with a personality out of this world to match. She was everything I wasn't looking for, but luckily found. Realistically, I had no intentions of "changing" her. Right now she sits at about 170lbs. Standing at 5'3" that puts her BMI(body mass index) at around 30%. If we can just look beyond the shallowness for a second, that is an extremely unhealthy weight from a science standpoint. With all the information and technology we have nowadays, it's very frustrating to me that someone can do that to themselves. Once we started dating though, she adapted to a healthier lifestyle through me, and in exchange I became more attracted to her. I truly believe this is the girl I would like to marry. I am in love with her, no doubt about it. Our families couldn't get more along with each other, it's fantastic. I feel the only thing holding me back from "taking the plunge" is her weight. I am constantly looking at other women thinking, "man if only she was this weight, or that weight, things would be perfect." A relationship is built on partnership and sacrifice, and that includes everything: physically, spiritually, emotionally, etc. So what am I really sacrificing if she continues to be unhealthy?In closing, I desperately need different opinions. Let me also say that this has nothing to do with having a "trophy wife," or showing her off to my friends, absolutely not. That's not me, nor will it ever be. This isn't a matter of everyday human imperfections or a couple pounds here or there, this is about one person in the relationship deciding that their health and partners satisfaction isn't all that important to them. I'd appreciate what you have to say, thank you. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, smiliek  +, writes (17 March 2011):
 Why not make it a fun thing for get to get fitter? Look into exercise classes or bike riding designed for the couple. Don't mention that its to get her fitter or lose weight. But that you think it'd be a fun couple thing to do together. See how that goes. And if she does lose some weight, mention that you think she needs/deserves some new clothes and shout her a shopping spree. I can't think of any other way you could help her lose some weight without seriously hurting her feelings or coming across as shallow. And then, if you do propose, keep up with that activity so she can keep up with a healthier lifestyle
A
male
reader, Coolnamebro +, writes (16 March 2011):
Coolnamebro is verified as being by the original poster of the question@Geegee - Yes I have thought about it, and I think it wouldn't change her personality as much as it would change her self esteem. In my head it feels like a win win if she just drops some pounds. Not only would it dramatically increase her health, but her confidence would sky rocket. Which in turn would only fuel our relationship further. Who wouldn't want to date someone who is extremely self confident?To others: Thank you for your contributions
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A
female
reader, GeeGee255 +, writes (16 March 2011):
 I hate to say that I am disappointed with all the comments that say "Ah well you know she is only going to get bigger once she has kids".
Well that is only true if you don't keep your weight under control while you are pregnant or take care of yourself afterwords. I was never skinny, have had 3 boys and still have a figure good enoough to be called a MILF.
And I happen to know several girls who were big boned all thru high school that literally shrunk and got tiny after having a baby.
I mean what are you telling this guy anyways???
That maybe he should dump the girl he loves and has a perfect relationship with for a skinny girl he can't talk to, and then what? She gets lazy stops working out, has a few kids and boom she blows up bigger than the other girl ever was? So now what??
They don't get along and now he doesn't even want to have sex with her anymore either? How does this make him happier in the long run??
One last thing to the poster...
Have you ever considered the possibility that if this warm friendly, gorgeous but heavy girl ever did lose all the extra weight that it might change her personality? And that all of a sudden she might start thinking maybe she is to good looking for you now?? It not impossible, you know it's been know to happen.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2011): I think you're allowed to get frustrated about it when the person gets noticeably less attractive than when you first started dating them. (Assuming you both haven't gotten much older during that time.) But you're not allowed to start dating them at XXX weight and then decide it's too much a couple months or a couple years later on. You knew what you were getting into.
I also think that in your case it's important that you not expect her to match your own pattern. Not your weight control, not your discipline at training, etc.
Maybe there's room for her to improve her weight and her habits. Maybe she could improve a lot. But still, she isn't you and she never will be. You need to be satisfied with her for a significant improvement and not for hitting a benchmark of some sort that you set.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2011): Sounds like she's not working on her weight, her weight may not be a problem to her, just you have the problem with her weight and if she has a large frame you might want to think about it before you say I DO if large women a problem to you because once she get married she just might fall into relax mode and won't never care about her weight and the older she gets the more pounds you will have to deal with.
I can never understand how some people doesn't care about their health/weight, you know when you are over weight and do nothing about, my boss weight at least 450 pounds and always eating pizza, you have to realize that some people have a gland problem but as for me I dont care what I got because if I starting getting big I will find a way to drop those pounds.
Even if she doesn't care about herself she should do it for you knowing how you feel about her being over weight.
I understand how you feel because I will never date an over weight man and if I ever get married and my husband get overweight/fat then I will easy out the back door and he will never see me again because I will definite have a problem with my partner being over weight when it don't have to be like that because I'm a health nut also because I care about how I look.
My son's ex-girlfriend has the most beautiful FACE but she is oversized and made up like a double seater Sh-t house, she's always baking pies, eating candy and chips.
But as for you maybe you should sit down and have a long talk with your girl about her weight and see what she's thinking or what she's going to do about her weight.
If she's 22 yrs old now and not doing anything about her weight, how much do you think she will weight at 32 as she gets older?
Hope You Luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2011): I think you have some really reasonable arguments, and I completely see where you are coming from, everyone should take an interest in their health and fitness, even if they don't buy into the idea that we all need to be physically 'perfect'. However, having said that, your girlfriend will probably not see it this way, and if you tell her that her weight is a problem for you, then she is only going to be upset with you and probably think you are being mean, and likely won't even consider the health risk being over weight will cause her. your options are really just to risk her being upset, and tell her anyway! she needs to make some serious changes, not to make you happy, but so that she can be happy for herself. There is no easy way to do this, but if you present exercise as something you guys can do together, and that you are prepared to help her with this, she might just realise that you really care about her and start taking an interest in her weight.Good luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2011): If you don't think she's perfect, she deserves better than you.
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A
male
reader, dannn  +, writes (16 March 2011):
That is tough, cause how do you bring that up without looking super shallow and making her feel horrible... Hmm perhaps go camping or on a vacation to india? Most people I know that go their for a bit lose tons of wight. O and a side note, remember once you marry her and she has kids.... She's gonna be even bigger. Don't hate! Just saying it like it is.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2011): hey all this weight, fatness blah blah blah doesn't matter in love at all !!!don't care for what society thinks at all!!!You love her. she loves you. You want to marry her, ask her out, simple !!!and in case you still are so conscious about it? she can go to the gym at any time. There are even new courses to get fit. where they say lose kilos in 1 week and all that !!!my best friend too, had the same problem man, and i said the same thing!!she too was about the same weight and now she looks so beautifull!!dont worry about all this !!u will have worse things to worry once you are married!!!and yes, what ever it is, do not care about what the society thinks !!This is because we only actually think that they might speak something ill, but it's all in our mind, about how we look to it !!!ALL THE BEST MAN !!MY BEST is to you !!
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A
female
reader, MamaBear +, writes (16 March 2011):
Think seriously about her weight problem, prior to any marriage. It seems a woman puts on pounds with each baby. Then, what will she weigh? Will she take the time from a busier life to exercise, etc. You cannot make this young woman take better care of herself. She has to do this for herself.
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A
female
reader, GeeGee255 +, writes (16 March 2011):
All you have to go is ask her to marry you, and she will probably ask you to help her get in shape for the wedding.
It is the 1# reason for a woman to go on a diet.
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